Friday was definitely a long day for me. But I got so much done. Friday was the day that I did all of my tests for my surgery. I arrived at Guthrie in Sayre around 8 am. First stop was to see the Dietician. She is really nice. Her name is Adrienne and she's going to be assisting me throughout this journey. She'll be the one helping me to know what to eat and what to avoid. We had a nice visit and she gave me a food diary that I have to begin recording what I'm eating in. This is key because keeping this food diary and beginning to change my eating habits right now shows them that I'm serious about how I will change how I eat even after the surgery.
After I met with Adrienne, I went to my appointment with the psychologist, Dr. Lichtenstein. I know...he's got the perfect psychologist's name, doesn't he? He talked to me about my eating habits and the emotional side of the change this surgery will make in me. At the end, he told me that he was going to clear me for the surgery. Whew...at least I know I'm not crazy...and I've got a professional's opinion that says I'm not!
On to the lab. 12 vials of blood later...I was on my way to X-ray. I thought I was in for a simple X-ray but in fact, I was scheduled for an upper GI series. I got my exercise in for the day as I had to drink this nasty stuff and roll all over the table to coat my stomach and then roll this way and that while they took pictures of my stomach. It wasn't all that bad. And the doctor had a dry sense of humor that I found rather amusing. It was almost 12:30 by the time I was headed home.
I have to go back and see Adrienne with my food journal in a month. Then I will see Dr. Alley again and hopefully schedule my surgery, assuming that everything was fine with my blood work. I'm thinking my surgery will probably be sometime after Christmas. What a way to begin the new year!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Another Update
I just realized that I haven't eaten anything of substance since noon. I figured I had better eat something before I have to fast until around 11 o'clock tomorrow morning. Tomorrow is my big appointment in Sayre, PA. I have to meet with a psychiatrist, dietician, have a full blood work panel done, and then have an x-ray tomorrow. That will satisfy all of my requirements before we schedule my surgery. I'm pretty sure that tomorrow I will make my pre-surgery appointment.
It's all coming together, it seems. I suffered through the sleep study and only hallucinated a little bit while I was trying to stay awake for my last day of work at the Center and then Trunk or Treat. I keep thinking things about myself and about how I want myself to look. I think about how uncomfortable I am just to sit. All the time. It's hard to figure out what to do with my hands. Most people of normal size don't think about these things. They just fold their hands in their lap. I can't do that and be comfortable. I think about going up and down the stairs at work constantly. My office is upstairs so I have to go up there several times a day. When I get up there, I'm out of breath. There are many other things. The pain I experience is a huge one. Every day, that first step out of bed...a painful reminder that the plantar fascitis is still going strong in my foot. The back injury that haunts me out of nowhere, just because I do a silly thing like sleep in a strange bed in a hotel room one night. All of that can (and will be) a thing of the past. I look forward to that day.
And then my job. I do like my job. I am eager to finish my training so that I can take complete charge of the office and get things more organized. So many issues there are all being thrown at me at one time and it's easy to see why I was hired. At first, I wondered a little bit. But now, I understand. It makes perfect sense. And I'm looking forward to making the office a better place for people to work. I had to fire my first person today. Even though I did it in a round about way, I still felt bad. I say "round about" because I only handed her a letter of dismissal and then asked for her keys, since I wasn't her supervisor to begin with. It's tough to be the heavy hand. I'm learning this first-hand. I spent most of the day working on the schedule for the next week because people have to be shifted a little bit at first so that all of us "newbies" can get our training. These first few weeks are going to be tough. But then, things should settle down some.
I must say, I do enjoy the feeling of being in charge. I feel like I have a pretty level head on my shoulders and usually I can look at a situation and say, "No, I think it would work better if we did it THIS way." And usually, when people have taken my advice in the past, it has worked. I enjoy praising the workers at Dr. Addams' office for the hard work that they do. I think we have a good team of people together now. And I think if we all pull together and work hard for these next few weeks, we can make that good team of people an EXCEPTIONAL team of people.
It is after 11 now as I write this. I have to be up early to drive to Sayre tomorrow. So, I will say good night. And I'll update again tomorrow about my appointments in Sayre. Thanks for reading.
It's all coming together, it seems. I suffered through the sleep study and only hallucinated a little bit while I was trying to stay awake for my last day of work at the Center and then Trunk or Treat. I keep thinking things about myself and about how I want myself to look. I think about how uncomfortable I am just to sit. All the time. It's hard to figure out what to do with my hands. Most people of normal size don't think about these things. They just fold their hands in their lap. I can't do that and be comfortable. I think about going up and down the stairs at work constantly. My office is upstairs so I have to go up there several times a day. When I get up there, I'm out of breath. There are many other things. The pain I experience is a huge one. Every day, that first step out of bed...a painful reminder that the plantar fascitis is still going strong in my foot. The back injury that haunts me out of nowhere, just because I do a silly thing like sleep in a strange bed in a hotel room one night. All of that can (and will be) a thing of the past. I look forward to that day.
And then my job. I do like my job. I am eager to finish my training so that I can take complete charge of the office and get things more organized. So many issues there are all being thrown at me at one time and it's easy to see why I was hired. At first, I wondered a little bit. But now, I understand. It makes perfect sense. And I'm looking forward to making the office a better place for people to work. I had to fire my first person today. Even though I did it in a round about way, I still felt bad. I say "round about" because I only handed her a letter of dismissal and then asked for her keys, since I wasn't her supervisor to begin with. It's tough to be the heavy hand. I'm learning this first-hand. I spent most of the day working on the schedule for the next week because people have to be shifted a little bit at first so that all of us "newbies" can get our training. These first few weeks are going to be tough. But then, things should settle down some.
I must say, I do enjoy the feeling of being in charge. I feel like I have a pretty level head on my shoulders and usually I can look at a situation and say, "No, I think it would work better if we did it THIS way." And usually, when people have taken my advice in the past, it has worked. I enjoy praising the workers at Dr. Addams' office for the hard work that they do. I think we have a good team of people together now. And I think if we all pull together and work hard for these next few weeks, we can make that good team of people an EXCEPTIONAL team of people.
It is after 11 now as I write this. I have to be up early to drive to Sayre tomorrow. So, I will say good night. And I'll update again tomorrow about my appointments in Sayre. Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Update...On All Things ME!
I thought I should post an update so the world knows what's up with me these days...
Well, I had my sleep study, which was the first test I had to undergo for my surgery. It was a difficult night to say the least. I had six electrodes attached to my head, a few on my face, two on my chest, two on each leg, and two different kinds of hoses up my nose. And then they said, "Now go to sleep". Difficult. But apparently, I did sleep for a little while. It was enough time for them to get the data that they needed. I spent the next day being entirely exhausted and by the end of the day, I was hallucinating...just a little. That day was my last day working at the Center. It was nice. They took me out to lunch at Garcia's and Robin gave a really nice gift (a box of chocolate). I know that I will miss working there. But I am also excited about where God is leading me next.
Yesterday was my first full day of working at Dr. Addams' office. When I walked in, I was greeted with "You should get settled in because we have lots to tell you!" Oh, boy. The day was full of that kind of thing and I did my best to muddle through. I ended up working late because the evening receptionist wasn't coming in and they were starting a new evening receptionist yesterday. I might not be a seasoned veteran, but I was in charge and I couldn't let her stay there alone all night on her first day. So...I worked 9-7:30ish last night. On my first day! Whew! It was a toughie. But I did it! And I think I scored some more points with Dr. Addams for my work ethic. She gets very impressed when you go the extra mile. I am enjoying the busyness of her office. The day, although long, did seem to go by quite fast. And there's always something to do. Which is good.
So, now I'm on to day two. I don't think this one will be a long one. It should be a regular day. At least, that's what I'm counting on!
This Friday the day will be full of lab work and tests and psychiatric examinations. All of the stuff I have to still get done will be finished Friday and then I believe they will schedule my surgery. Looking forward to that part!
Well, I had my sleep study, which was the first test I had to undergo for my surgery. It was a difficult night to say the least. I had six electrodes attached to my head, a few on my face, two on my chest, two on each leg, and two different kinds of hoses up my nose. And then they said, "Now go to sleep". Difficult. But apparently, I did sleep for a little while. It was enough time for them to get the data that they needed. I spent the next day being entirely exhausted and by the end of the day, I was hallucinating...just a little. That day was my last day working at the Center. It was nice. They took me out to lunch at Garcia's and Robin gave a really nice gift (a box of chocolate). I know that I will miss working there. But I am also excited about where God is leading me next.
Yesterday was my first full day of working at Dr. Addams' office. When I walked in, I was greeted with "You should get settled in because we have lots to tell you!" Oh, boy. The day was full of that kind of thing and I did my best to muddle through. I ended up working late because the evening receptionist wasn't coming in and they were starting a new evening receptionist yesterday. I might not be a seasoned veteran, but I was in charge and I couldn't let her stay there alone all night on her first day. So...I worked 9-7:30ish last night. On my first day! Whew! It was a toughie. But I did it! And I think I scored some more points with Dr. Addams for my work ethic. She gets very impressed when you go the extra mile. I am enjoying the busyness of her office. The day, although long, did seem to go by quite fast. And there's always something to do. Which is good.
So, now I'm on to day two. I don't think this one will be a long one. It should be a regular day. At least, that's what I'm counting on!
This Friday the day will be full of lab work and tests and psychiatric examinations. All of the stuff I have to still get done will be finished Friday and then I believe they will schedule my surgery. Looking forward to that part!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
A Painful Reminder...
Pain.
It's something that I've dealt with/experienced for the greater part of 16 years. Ever since that car accident my freshman year at ENC I've dealt with bouts of extreme back pain. And it's just another painful reminder of how much I need to get this weight off. I have had so many MRI's, so many X-rays, so many procedures...I've been to almost every physical therapy place in this town. I've tried many exercise routines. I've dieted. I've strengthened.
Out of all the doctors I have seen, there is one theme that runs through all of their diagnoses..."You must lose weight or you will continue to have back pain." They didn't want to operate on me because when this all started and was at its worst, I was too young. I was in my mid-twenties when I had to go on temporary disability because I was unable to perform my job at the BSU. I still can never get a job there again because of my physical limitations.
My weight has gone up quite steadily through the years. I've gone on diets, I've gone off diets. I would go through times when I was just happy with myself and how I looked so I'd start eating too much again and didn't care what anyone thought. Then I would have times when I'd catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and feel so disgusted...a vicious cycle. A vicious cycle that must be broken.
And as I sit here and write this, I think of how I slept for most of today (or at least laid in bed) because of the pain medicine I take that just takes the edge off. And I think of the opportunity to have this surgery that will force me to change the way that I eat. Having this surgery gives me one of the missing tools that I have needed in order to have great success at losing weight. Bariatric surgery gives me NO OTHER CHOICE. And that is something I've been lacking.
I'm so tired of having back pain. I'm tired worrying about going out of town and having to sleep on a strange bed. Without fail, I wake up in pain. I'm ready to not have to worry about that anymore. Being heavy has taken over so many parts of my life. The pain is a big reason to go through with the surgery. I'm ready to get my life back.
It's something that I've dealt with/experienced for the greater part of 16 years. Ever since that car accident my freshman year at ENC I've dealt with bouts of extreme back pain. And it's just another painful reminder of how much I need to get this weight off. I have had so many MRI's, so many X-rays, so many procedures...I've been to almost every physical therapy place in this town. I've tried many exercise routines. I've dieted. I've strengthened.
Out of all the doctors I have seen, there is one theme that runs through all of their diagnoses..."You must lose weight or you will continue to have back pain." They didn't want to operate on me because when this all started and was at its worst, I was too young. I was in my mid-twenties when I had to go on temporary disability because I was unable to perform my job at the BSU. I still can never get a job there again because of my physical limitations.
My weight has gone up quite steadily through the years. I've gone on diets, I've gone off diets. I would go through times when I was just happy with myself and how I looked so I'd start eating too much again and didn't care what anyone thought. Then I would have times when I'd catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and feel so disgusted...a vicious cycle. A vicious cycle that must be broken.
And as I sit here and write this, I think of how I slept for most of today (or at least laid in bed) because of the pain medicine I take that just takes the edge off. And I think of the opportunity to have this surgery that will force me to change the way that I eat. Having this surgery gives me one of the missing tools that I have needed in order to have great success at losing weight. Bariatric surgery gives me NO OTHER CHOICE. And that is something I've been lacking.
I'm so tired of having back pain. I'm tired worrying about going out of town and having to sleep on a strange bed. Without fail, I wake up in pain. I'm ready to not have to worry about that anymore. Being heavy has taken over so many parts of my life. The pain is a big reason to go through with the surgery. I'm ready to get my life back.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Day One: The Breakdown
Just to set everyone's mind at ease...I am not talking about MY breakdown, but more the breakdown of my new job. Just had to clarify that.
My first day was a good one. And it was a short one, which I was thankful for because my brain was getting a little too full. Not only was I there to learn the job of the Office Manager, but I was also listening to complaints from a few of the staff about what needs to be done better and changed in the office. The day began with a short review of some of what I had done previously when I was employed with Dr. Addams. And then we reviewed patient charts and their contents and talked some about what my duties would be once I got my feet wet. Apparently, I am going to be "getting my feet wet" pretty quickly. Dr. Addams wants to bring on a new therapist and that will be my responsibility. She is also going to be opening a new practice in Ithaca and I will be overseeing part of that project as well. I honestly don't know how they survived without this position sooner. I can see a definite need there and I'm eager to get things changed and flowing more smoothly.
There are no policies and procedures. None. Zip. And I can say this...thank God for Robin Savard. I hope that she reads this post because what I am about to say is straight from my heart...Robin, you have been so instrumental in preparing me to take this position. I have learned so much from you in the few years that I have sat under your leadership. I have learned what makes an office work and what doesn't. I've watched you handle different situations with employees and seen them change for the better because of your skills in leadership. I've learned from your discussions about different problems you've dealt with. But above all, I have seen God shine through you as you have always been dedicated to seeking out His wisdom and His heart for your position as a leader. All day long today I kept thinking "What would Robin do?" "Robin would flip if she saw this!" And I thank you for setting that standard so high in ME because now, those tools are needed elsewhere. And I'm humbled that God has seen fit to use me to help bring a different office to a higher standard of excellence. I will always be grateful for the things that you have shown me and taught me. Your willingness to be obedient to God and seek Him in your leadership has spilled out into my life. Thank you!
And of course, I have to thank Holly as well. On Monday, Holly spent part of our holiday sitting with me and going over a lot of the forms that she uses as our Executive Director. I am quite sure that these forms do not exist at Dr. Addams' office...yet. Holly, you lead with such a sweet spirit and yet you command that authority (No, not the "Do what I say" authority either...but REAL authority) by just your presence and your countenance. I am thankful that you lead the way that you do as well because I'm going into a position where I'm not going to be the favorite person in the office and I needed that example of that sweet spirit. God needed me to see that in you so that I could learn how to lead with that same sweetness. In the few short months that I have known you, I have also learned from your creativity. You have been so eager to make changes for the better and those changes have served to enhance the Center so much. I am also thankful for your decision-making process. Because even though I'm not working in a Christian ministry at Dr. Addams' office, I still need to make decisions the way God would have me make them. Thank you for being obedient to God in your position as our leader.
And so now, I move forward. I will finish out my time at the Center (I'll find out tomorrow when I will be finished working there) and I will move on to this next phase of my career with joy in my heart because I know that this is where God has ordained me to be. I am so thankful for God's provision and for His perfect timing.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Still More Contemplations...In A Quiet House
This is what happens...you leave me alone and I'm gonna blog. I think it's because I have stuff inside of my head that I need to get out somehow. So, here we go.
I decided to blog about my new job tonight. Since my first day there is tomorrow, I thought it would be a good time to share some of the thoughts I'm having. Currently, I am employed at the Southern Tier Pregnancy Resource Center. I love it there. I love my co-workers and I love my position as Client Services Coordinator. However, as God likes to do, He is moving me forward and He is prospering our family once again. A few weeks ago, I received a phone call from Dr. Addams, a psychiatrist I worked for once before, asking me if I would like a position with her office. She told me she was looking for someone to run her office for her and be the office supervisor. After some prayer and consideration, I decided to take the position.
It's hard thinking about leaving the Center. I remember when Robin hired me back to work there in January. I was so excited! It felt like I was coming home again. It had been the only job that I ever really LOVED that way. And in the nine months that I've worked there, there has never been a day when I didn't want to go to work. There were days when I couldn't wait to go home...like around Banquet time. But all in all, it's been a wonderful experience and I'm so thankful to have been given the chance to work there again.
God is definitely a God of prosperity. And He is prospering me during the season of my life. I'm in for a lot of changes in the next couple of months. I'm excited to see where He will lead me. And I'm so thankful that I have Him to guide me and direct my paths.
Now I have to think about going to bed while I mull over tomorrow in my head. My concern is...I'm not going to be everyone's "favorite" person going into this job. So, that is going to be a challenge. I'm a very likeable, friendly person. But when you are taking a position that is created for you to fill and the people below you basically BEG for the position NOT to be created, well...that's a challenge. I'm praying that God will begin to give me wisdom for how to deal with those challenges from the moment I walk in there in the morning. There has been a lot of faith placed in me because I've never supervised anyone before. The closest I've come to that is training volunteers to see clients at the Center. And even then, I've shied away from any type of confrontation with training them because I have not been comfortable with confrontation. But, now I will HAVE TO DO IT. I can sense God stretching me and I've been mentally preparing myself for that part of this job ever since I decided to take it. I can also sense that this is all a part of God preparing me for something even bigger in my future. I hope that something bigger includes eventually getting my Master's Degree. That would be wonderful!
Anyhow, those are the thoughts for tonight. Thanks for reading. :)
I decided to blog about my new job tonight. Since my first day there is tomorrow, I thought it would be a good time to share some of the thoughts I'm having. Currently, I am employed at the Southern Tier Pregnancy Resource Center. I love it there. I love my co-workers and I love my position as Client Services Coordinator. However, as God likes to do, He is moving me forward and He is prospering our family once again. A few weeks ago, I received a phone call from Dr. Addams, a psychiatrist I worked for once before, asking me if I would like a position with her office. She told me she was looking for someone to run her office for her and be the office supervisor. After some prayer and consideration, I decided to take the position.
It's hard thinking about leaving the Center. I remember when Robin hired me back to work there in January. I was so excited! It felt like I was coming home again. It had been the only job that I ever really LOVED that way. And in the nine months that I've worked there, there has never been a day when I didn't want to go to work. There were days when I couldn't wait to go home...like around Banquet time. But all in all, it's been a wonderful experience and I'm so thankful to have been given the chance to work there again.
God is definitely a God of prosperity. And He is prospering me during the season of my life. I'm in for a lot of changes in the next couple of months. I'm excited to see where He will lead me. And I'm so thankful that I have Him to guide me and direct my paths.
Now I have to think about going to bed while I mull over tomorrow in my head. My concern is...I'm not going to be everyone's "favorite" person going into this job. So, that is going to be a challenge. I'm a very likeable, friendly person. But when you are taking a position that is created for you to fill and the people below you basically BEG for the position NOT to be created, well...that's a challenge. I'm praying that God will begin to give me wisdom for how to deal with those challenges from the moment I walk in there in the morning. There has been a lot of faith placed in me because I've never supervised anyone before. The closest I've come to that is training volunteers to see clients at the Center. And even then, I've shied away from any type of confrontation with training them because I have not been comfortable with confrontation. But, now I will HAVE TO DO IT. I can sense God stretching me and I've been mentally preparing myself for that part of this job ever since I decided to take it. I can also sense that this is all a part of God preparing me for something even bigger in my future. I hope that something bigger includes eventually getting my Master's Degree. That would be wonderful!
Anyhow, those are the thoughts for tonight. Thanks for reading. :)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Alone With...Thoughts
It can be a dangerous place to be...alone with your thoughts. Most of the time, however, I look forward to these nights when it's just me and my thoughts. As other things have crowded into my mind, I have kind of put the thoughts of the surgery on the back burner in my brain. However, it's still there. And I have been thinking about when it comes up.
I wasn't really prepared for the mixture of reactions that I received when I first began telling people of my decision for weight loss surgery. I had only heard mainly positive things about the surgery and I've SEEN many positive things in the people I know who have had it. I began hearing stories of complications and of weight gained back after so much was lost. I began hearing tales of sugar-less diets and serious food restrictions. And these things have settled in my mind a bit. But only a bit. The people who told me these things are people I love dearly and I value their opinions very much. Even so...when it comes down to it, the decision has to be my own and it has to be something that I know I will be able to live with for the rest of my life. So, I've come up with several "facts" for myself.
1. Regarding the food restrictions...I have been heavy for most of my life. The food I eat is mainly what got me to this place. Of course I enjoy desserts (probably more than anyone I know, actually) and I will miss indulging in them on a "regular" basis. But, that doesn't mean I won't be able to indulge. I will have to indulge differently. Someone I know who had the surgery offered me a sugar-less brownie the other day and it was delicious. I could eat that in place of my regular sweets. I'm sure there are many things that I can substitute for the Resee's Peanut Butter Cups I love so much. But eating that way is what got me to where I am. I don't want to be this weight anymore. I want to be different and BETTER than I am now, physically. Those things have to go anyway. And it's going to take something drastic changing in my life in order for me to have the will power to put them down. You can encourage me all day long. I appreciate the encouragement. But at the end of the day, I WILL hide in my van and eat something I shouldn't eat because I can. I've lived with myself for 35 years. I know me. And I know what I'm capable of.
2. Food isn't all it's cracked up to be. I mean, sure it's great and some of it is REALLY great and it sustains us. It is certainly a gift from God. Especially those Resee's Cups. But, it's not the be-all, end-all. It's not GOD and it's not to be placed in such a place of importance in our lives. Will I live if I never eat another Resee's Cup? Yes, I will. I will live BETTER. Food (at times in the past) has become an "idol" of sorts in my life. That's not something I'm proud of. But it's the truth.
3. Regaining the weight back. Dr. Alley said that people who regain the weight back are the people who don't stick to the diet/program. They don't exercise and they don't eat right. And they usually don't come to their appointments. It makes sense that if you don't do what they tell you to do, you will suffer the consequences. I don't intend for that to be me. I'm not going through this just so I can end up looking bad again.
4. This is something that I have to do for myself. I know many people might not understand it. But that's because you're not ME. I've given this a lot of thought for about a year now. I can't begin to explain to you the pain that five herniated disks causes me at times. I can't tell you how I wish just for one day that I had someone else's feet so that I could just walk without feeling pain. That first step in the morning is so painful sometimes I just want to scream.
This is just three of the "facts" I have come up with. And it's getting later so my mind is getting foggier. A family member who had the surgery told me that this is what she told people who tried to talk her out of having the surgery: "I politely informed them that I was doing this for myself, and nobody could talk me out of it. Don't let anybody change your mind. Only you and
your doctor should make the decision for your health."
I do hope that if you're reading this and you don't agree with me having the surgery that you understand that it IS my decision. It is a decision I have made for myself. And I intend to go through with it and have amazing results so that I can live a fuller life. That is my ultimate goal. It's not to go against anyone's advice or make anyone mad or do something really drastic. It's to change my life. I hope that makes sense and I hope that all of you that love me can respect that and come along side me as I continue in this journey.
I wasn't really prepared for the mixture of reactions that I received when I first began telling people of my decision for weight loss surgery. I had only heard mainly positive things about the surgery and I've SEEN many positive things in the people I know who have had it. I began hearing stories of complications and of weight gained back after so much was lost. I began hearing tales of sugar-less diets and serious food restrictions. And these things have settled in my mind a bit. But only a bit. The people who told me these things are people I love dearly and I value their opinions very much. Even so...when it comes down to it, the decision has to be my own and it has to be something that I know I will be able to live with for the rest of my life. So, I've come up with several "facts" for myself.
1. Regarding the food restrictions...I have been heavy for most of my life. The food I eat is mainly what got me to this place. Of course I enjoy desserts (probably more than anyone I know, actually) and I will miss indulging in them on a "regular" basis. But, that doesn't mean I won't be able to indulge. I will have to indulge differently. Someone I know who had the surgery offered me a sugar-less brownie the other day and it was delicious. I could eat that in place of my regular sweets. I'm sure there are many things that I can substitute for the Resee's Peanut Butter Cups I love so much. But eating that way is what got me to where I am. I don't want to be this weight anymore. I want to be different and BETTER than I am now, physically. Those things have to go anyway. And it's going to take something drastic changing in my life in order for me to have the will power to put them down. You can encourage me all day long. I appreciate the encouragement. But at the end of the day, I WILL hide in my van and eat something I shouldn't eat because I can. I've lived with myself for 35 years. I know me. And I know what I'm capable of.
2. Food isn't all it's cracked up to be. I mean, sure it's great and some of it is REALLY great and it sustains us. It is certainly a gift from God. Especially those Resee's Cups. But, it's not the be-all, end-all. It's not GOD and it's not to be placed in such a place of importance in our lives. Will I live if I never eat another Resee's Cup? Yes, I will. I will live BETTER. Food (at times in the past) has become an "idol" of sorts in my life. That's not something I'm proud of. But it's the truth.
3. Regaining the weight back. Dr. Alley said that people who regain the weight back are the people who don't stick to the diet/program. They don't exercise and they don't eat right. And they usually don't come to their appointments. It makes sense that if you don't do what they tell you to do, you will suffer the consequences. I don't intend for that to be me. I'm not going through this just so I can end up looking bad again.
4. This is something that I have to do for myself. I know many people might not understand it. But that's because you're not ME. I've given this a lot of thought for about a year now. I can't begin to explain to you the pain that five herniated disks causes me at times. I can't tell you how I wish just for one day that I had someone else's feet so that I could just walk without feeling pain. That first step in the morning is so painful sometimes I just want to scream.
This is just three of the "facts" I have come up with. And it's getting later so my mind is getting foggier. A family member who had the surgery told me that this is what she told people who tried to talk her out of having the surgery: "I politely informed them that I was doing this for myself, and nobody could talk me out of it. Don't let anybody change your mind. Only you and
your doctor should make the decision for your health."
I do hope that if you're reading this and you don't agree with me having the surgery that you understand that it IS my decision. It is a decision I have made for myself. And I intend to go through with it and have amazing results so that I can live a fuller life. That is my ultimate goal. It's not to go against anyone's advice or make anyone mad or do something really drastic. It's to change my life. I hope that makes sense and I hope that all of you that love me can respect that and come along side me as I continue in this journey.
Friday, October 7, 2011
The Initial Visit
I've never had a "great" doctor's appointment until this morning.
Dr. Alley is going to be the doctor helping me through this whole weight loss surgery journey and he will be the doctor performing my surgery. First off, he asks me where I work and once I clarify that the STPRC is NOT Planned Parenthood, he sighs a sigh of relief and tells me that he is completely pro-life and is behind what we do at the Center 100%. Somebody needs to get this DOCTOR a DONOR PACKET. Seriously. Ah...but I digress...
Then we start going through my medical history and all the ups and the downs. Diabetes in my family, heart disease in my family, back pain (complete with 5 herniated disks), sciatica, plantar fascitis, and the list goes on and on. No, really. It does. He used the term "morbidly obese" and then apologized for using that term. Really, it's no surprise to me. I know what I've been dealing with all my life. I know what I am. That's why I am here. Because I want to change that. And, having exhausted "almost" all other avenues, I have come to the conclusion that this is what I want for my life and for my health.
He goes through the different types of surgery with me and there are three of them. There is the lap band, the gastric bypass (The Gold Standard...or the first one), and the Gastric Sleeve. All three of them are effective if you follow the program. And that's what he kept stressing to me. You gotta follow the program. So many people don't follow the program and then end up being overweight again or they get really sick. I asked him what the time frame is between this visit and the surgery and he said he can make it happen within two months. TWO MONTHS! Of course, that's around Christmas so maybe I'll have to push it off to the first of the year but still. That's really fast!
Dr. Alley said that I would probably forget a lot of the things he was telling me. It's a lot of information. He gave me a big binder to take home and they loaded me up with appointments. I'll have all the preliminary stuff done by the beginning of November.
So, now I have to read that big manual and get all the info in my brain that I can. I'm already fantasizing about what it will be like to wear smaller clothes, bend over and touch my toes, play with my kids outside without having to sit down all the time. I was actually (seriously) contemplating getting one of those little fold up chairs that you can keep in your pocket so that you can sit down wherever you are. Yes, it's that bad. Once I started doing that, I realized that I need to make some serious changes. I need to get this weight off and KEEP IT OFF. That's the only way my life is going to be better. I have three beautiful children and an amazing husband and I want to be around as long as I can to enjoy my life with them.
So, I'll try to keep you posted on my thoughts as I go through this process!
Dr. Alley is going to be the doctor helping me through this whole weight loss surgery journey and he will be the doctor performing my surgery. First off, he asks me where I work and once I clarify that the STPRC is NOT Planned Parenthood, he sighs a sigh of relief and tells me that he is completely pro-life and is behind what we do at the Center 100%. Somebody needs to get this DOCTOR a DONOR PACKET. Seriously. Ah...but I digress...
Then we start going through my medical history and all the ups and the downs. Diabetes in my family, heart disease in my family, back pain (complete with 5 herniated disks), sciatica, plantar fascitis, and the list goes on and on. No, really. It does. He used the term "morbidly obese" and then apologized for using that term. Really, it's no surprise to me. I know what I've been dealing with all my life. I know what I am. That's why I am here. Because I want to change that. And, having exhausted "almost" all other avenues, I have come to the conclusion that this is what I want for my life and for my health.
He goes through the different types of surgery with me and there are three of them. There is the lap band, the gastric bypass (The Gold Standard...or the first one), and the Gastric Sleeve. All three of them are effective if you follow the program. And that's what he kept stressing to me. You gotta follow the program. So many people don't follow the program and then end up being overweight again or they get really sick. I asked him what the time frame is between this visit and the surgery and he said he can make it happen within two months. TWO MONTHS! Of course, that's around Christmas so maybe I'll have to push it off to the first of the year but still. That's really fast!
Dr. Alley said that I would probably forget a lot of the things he was telling me. It's a lot of information. He gave me a big binder to take home and they loaded me up with appointments. I'll have all the preliminary stuff done by the beginning of November.
So, now I have to read that big manual and get all the info in my brain that I can. I'm already fantasizing about what it will be like to wear smaller clothes, bend over and touch my toes, play with my kids outside without having to sit down all the time. I was actually (seriously) contemplating getting one of those little fold up chairs that you can keep in your pocket so that you can sit down wherever you are. Yes, it's that bad. Once I started doing that, I realized that I need to make some serious changes. I need to get this weight off and KEEP IT OFF. That's the only way my life is going to be better. I have three beautiful children and an amazing husband and I want to be around as long as I can to enjoy my life with them.
So, I'll try to keep you posted on my thoughts as I go through this process!
Beginning Of The Journey
Ever since I was a little girl, I remember struggling with my weight. I believe I was about 8 years old the first time someone told me that I was a little "heavy" and should probably try to lose some weight. Now, as 8-year- olds go, looking back on that time in my life, I don't remember feeling heavy at all. I was a kid! How heavy could I be? I look at pictures of myself now as a child and I don't see it. But apparently, that person saw it and thought that seed should be planted in my mind. YOU ARE HEAVY. Is that to blame for the weight problem that I have today? I really don't know. I'm not blaming it but I'm not counting it out either.
There was a time in my life that I lost over 50 pounds. Then I got pregnant with my son, Matthew. The weight just piled back on after that. And along with it, came more health problems for me. More back pain, plantar fascitis, and the list goes on.
So, I thought that I would take the opportunity to write this blog to kind of record my thoughts as I move forward in this weight loss journey that I am about to embark on. Today is my first appointment with a bariatric surgeon. I'm excited and nervous. I look at myself in the mirror and I can see the thin person that's underneath. I could write a book on the types of diets I've tried and the different exercises I've attempted. Now, my feet hurt so much that the only type of exercise that doesn't bother me at all is swimming. I'm tired of not being able to do the things that I want to do with my children. I'm tired of feeling like it's a struggle to get up off the couch or pick something up off the floor. I'm ready for change to happen in my life. And I have no idea how fast this change can occur. From what I can gather from the people I've talked to, the surgery takes a while to get approved. So, for now, I will have to wait and see. I'm fantasizing about having a summer when I can go out of the house in a halter top and shorts and not feel like everyone is staring at me like I have no right to wear that in public. I want to breathe better. I want to climb a hill without feeling like I'm dying. I want to bend over and not have to worry that I'll throw my back out. These are my goals. And I will reach them.
There was a time in my life that I lost over 50 pounds. Then I got pregnant with my son, Matthew. The weight just piled back on after that. And along with it, came more health problems for me. More back pain, plantar fascitis, and the list goes on.
So, I thought that I would take the opportunity to write this blog to kind of record my thoughts as I move forward in this weight loss journey that I am about to embark on. Today is my first appointment with a bariatric surgeon. I'm excited and nervous. I look at myself in the mirror and I can see the thin person that's underneath. I could write a book on the types of diets I've tried and the different exercises I've attempted. Now, my feet hurt so much that the only type of exercise that doesn't bother me at all is swimming. I'm tired of not being able to do the things that I want to do with my children. I'm tired of feeling like it's a struggle to get up off the couch or pick something up off the floor. I'm ready for change to happen in my life. And I have no idea how fast this change can occur. From what I can gather from the people I've talked to, the surgery takes a while to get approved. So, for now, I will have to wait and see. I'm fantasizing about having a summer when I can go out of the house in a halter top and shorts and not feel like everyone is staring at me like I have no right to wear that in public. I want to breathe better. I want to climb a hill without feeling like I'm dying. I want to bend over and not have to worry that I'll throw my back out. These are my goals. And I will reach them.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Heaving a Big Sigh of Relief
What a week it's been!
I've been missing on many of the sites I so often frequent due to conditions beyond my control for the past week.
This past Thursday was our annual fund-raising banquet at the Southern Tier Pregnancy Resource Center. It was the reason I was even hired back there. I worked there for about a year and a half from 2006-2007. Then we moved to Corning and it became something I really couldn't do anymore because of the cost of child care and gas. It was a miracle that the position even became available, and at the same time that I was seeking employment. But, I digress...
It's a great feeling when you get to see all of your hard work pan out. And it was HARD WORK. Probably the hardest work I've done in a long time. And the few days before the big event were the most difficult because there were so many things that couldn't be handled until the very last minute due to the way reservations are set up. On Wednesday night after work, I came home and announced to my family that I was not available for their shinannigans that evening. I think I snapped at Craig five times and I cried (for no apparent reason) three times before the night was over. I was desperately clinging to the idea of going to sleep just so I could start fresh the next day. I finally understand what Craig means when he comes home and he's too exhausted to think straight. Those are the nights when everything on MY agenda is SUPER important and I become the most annoying person in the universe to him while he BEGS to go to sleep just so he can re-set his brain. Yes...I understand now.
This past weekend, I wrote a note on Facebook announcing to my friends that I was going to be unavailable to them for the weekend. I just needed to de-stress. I needed to be alone with my family and my own thoughts for a few days. I couldn't handle anyone else's problems or issues. I must confess, my unavailability has lasted for a little more than the weekend. I've been fighting something physical going on in my sinuses/throat/head for the past few days. I'm guessing the stress of last week caused my immune system to be just a little bit weaker than normal. So, if you're reading this and you are one of those people who turns to me for prayer/advice/support, please understand that I still love you very much and I'm still praying for you. I'm just...I'm not back up to par. Not quite yet. It's a miracle that I'm even able to type this blog tonight. I usually don't get such opportunities. It's quite nice.
Time marches on. And my position at work is going to be changing. As we finish out this month, we are going to be welcoming a new Director. My co-worker Loretta (God bless her dear heart) has decided that it would be best for the Center if she steps down from her position as Administrative Assistant so that I can have a job. She is working on selling her house so that she and her husband can move to North Carolina. Once her house sells, she will be leaving anyway. Even so, once we have a new Director, one of us has to go. Loretta has decided it should be her. I'll become the Client Services Director (or Coordinator) and once again, I'll be the face that greets people as they walk through the door.
I am thankful. God is good. And next year, when banquet time comes around....I'm going to be more ready.
I've been missing on many of the sites I so often frequent due to conditions beyond my control for the past week.
This past Thursday was our annual fund-raising banquet at the Southern Tier Pregnancy Resource Center. It was the reason I was even hired back there. I worked there for about a year and a half from 2006-2007. Then we moved to Corning and it became something I really couldn't do anymore because of the cost of child care and gas. It was a miracle that the position even became available, and at the same time that I was seeking employment. But, I digress...
It's a great feeling when you get to see all of your hard work pan out. And it was HARD WORK. Probably the hardest work I've done in a long time. And the few days before the big event were the most difficult because there were so many things that couldn't be handled until the very last minute due to the way reservations are set up. On Wednesday night after work, I came home and announced to my family that I was not available for their shinannigans that evening. I think I snapped at Craig five times and I cried (for no apparent reason) three times before the night was over. I was desperately clinging to the idea of going to sleep just so I could start fresh the next day. I finally understand what Craig means when he comes home and he's too exhausted to think straight. Those are the nights when everything on MY agenda is SUPER important and I become the most annoying person in the universe to him while he BEGS to go to sleep just so he can re-set his brain. Yes...I understand now.
This past weekend, I wrote a note on Facebook announcing to my friends that I was going to be unavailable to them for the weekend. I just needed to de-stress. I needed to be alone with my family and my own thoughts for a few days. I couldn't handle anyone else's problems or issues. I must confess, my unavailability has lasted for a little more than the weekend. I've been fighting something physical going on in my sinuses/throat/head for the past few days. I'm guessing the stress of last week caused my immune system to be just a little bit weaker than normal. So, if you're reading this and you are one of those people who turns to me for prayer/advice/support, please understand that I still love you very much and I'm still praying for you. I'm just...I'm not back up to par. Not quite yet. It's a miracle that I'm even able to type this blog tonight. I usually don't get such opportunities. It's quite nice.
Time marches on. And my position at work is going to be changing. As we finish out this month, we are going to be welcoming a new Director. My co-worker Loretta (God bless her dear heart) has decided that it would be best for the Center if she steps down from her position as Administrative Assistant so that I can have a job. She is working on selling her house so that she and her husband can move to North Carolina. Once her house sells, she will be leaving anyway. Even so, once we have a new Director, one of us has to go. Loretta has decided it should be her. I'll become the Client Services Director (or Coordinator) and once again, I'll be the face that greets people as they walk through the door.
I am thankful. God is good. And next year, when banquet time comes around....I'm going to be more ready.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Money
Kind of hard to skip over a post that's all about money, isn't it?
For the past 13 weeks, I've been taking a class called Financial Peace University. It's "lead" by Dave Ramsey via videos that we watch every week. Dave Ramsey has changed my family in so many ways just through the way he teaches about money and how to handle it.
I would encourage ANYONE who has ever touched a dollar bill in their life, to go directly to his website, http://www.daveramsey.com/ and look up this class to find where you can take it near you. When you sign up, you will pay for your materials (normally the kit costs $200 but because you are taking the class, it's less than $100). And believe me, you'll make up that $100 you spent on materials before the first month is over in the class if you just put into practice the stuff that Dave teaches.
When Craig and I started out, we did so in debt. We went into debt to get engaged (the ring), went into debt to pay for the wedding. It was not a good way to start our life together. It caused a lot of problems for us that first year. It was kind of like this hanging patch of doom over our heads. We felt so overwhelmed with our finances that our relationship suffered. It wasn't until we learned about Dave Ramsey that we realized that maybe we didn't have to file for Bankruptcy. Maybe there was a way out afterall.
The Total Money Makeover is the book we were given by my father-in-law. I told Craig that I really wanted to go through the Baby Steps in the book. I think he thought I was kidding. I wasn't always the first one to take our finances seriously. I tended to sweep the problems under the rug and deal with them later. And then, our church offered Financial Peace University. When I told him I wanted to sign up for that, he seemed really pleased and I think he realized that I was serious about getting our finances under control. Now, the class is almost over and it's been a wonderful experience.
Let me recount the blessings we've received since we started.
We now have over $1000 in the bank for emergencies only. That money is in a savings account that is not attached to our checking account.
We have put our children on a commission system, instead of offering them allowance. They have to do chores around the house to earn money. They earn a dollar a chore and they have a payday. They have their own envelope system and are responsible for three envelopes: Tithe, Savings and Spending. Cassidy has a fourth envelope called Cell Phone. She now has a cell phone that she has to earn enough extra money to pay half the bill for each month ($15). We will pay the other half of the bill as long as her grades stay where they should be. During the past few weeks, the kids have each earned over $50 in savings, have tithed 10% of their income, and Matthew has purchased his own bike. Cassidy purchased look-alike Ugg boots.
We have gotten current on most of our bills and we now use an envelope system for things like groceries, car repairs and car replacement.
That's only part of the good stuff we've done. We tell our money where to go. Dave says if you don't tell money where to go, it leaves. He's right! We're in charge of our money now. And it's a wonderful feeling!!!
For the past 13 weeks, I've been taking a class called Financial Peace University. It's "lead" by Dave Ramsey via videos that we watch every week. Dave Ramsey has changed my family in so many ways just through the way he teaches about money and how to handle it.
I would encourage ANYONE who has ever touched a dollar bill in their life, to go directly to his website, http://www.daveramsey.com/ and look up this class to find where you can take it near you. When you sign up, you will pay for your materials (normally the kit costs $200 but because you are taking the class, it's less than $100). And believe me, you'll make up that $100 you spent on materials before the first month is over in the class if you just put into practice the stuff that Dave teaches.
When Craig and I started out, we did so in debt. We went into debt to get engaged (the ring), went into debt to pay for the wedding. It was not a good way to start our life together. It caused a lot of problems for us that first year. It was kind of like this hanging patch of doom over our heads. We felt so overwhelmed with our finances that our relationship suffered. It wasn't until we learned about Dave Ramsey that we realized that maybe we didn't have to file for Bankruptcy. Maybe there was a way out afterall.
The Total Money Makeover is the book we were given by my father-in-law. I told Craig that I really wanted to go through the Baby Steps in the book. I think he thought I was kidding. I wasn't always the first one to take our finances seriously. I tended to sweep the problems under the rug and deal with them later. And then, our church offered Financial Peace University. When I told him I wanted to sign up for that, he seemed really pleased and I think he realized that I was serious about getting our finances under control. Now, the class is almost over and it's been a wonderful experience.
Let me recount the blessings we've received since we started.
We now have over $1000 in the bank for emergencies only. That money is in a savings account that is not attached to our checking account.
We have put our children on a commission system, instead of offering them allowance. They have to do chores around the house to earn money. They earn a dollar a chore and they have a payday. They have their own envelope system and are responsible for three envelopes: Tithe, Savings and Spending. Cassidy has a fourth envelope called Cell Phone. She now has a cell phone that she has to earn enough extra money to pay half the bill for each month ($15). We will pay the other half of the bill as long as her grades stay where they should be. During the past few weeks, the kids have each earned over $50 in savings, have tithed 10% of their income, and Matthew has purchased his own bike. Cassidy purchased look-alike Ugg boots.
We have gotten current on most of our bills and we now use an envelope system for things like groceries, car repairs and car replacement.
That's only part of the good stuff we've done. We tell our money where to go. Dave says if you don't tell money where to go, it leaves. He's right! We're in charge of our money now. And it's a wonderful feeling!!!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Foiled Again
I did so well this morning! The alarm went off and I went through my usual feelings of confusion when that happens before 7 am. Once I finally realized what was going on, it was already 6:09, but I was excited about what lay before me this morning. The plan was for me to get up and pack my things, have a nice, healthy breakfast and then head off to the YWCA for my second free swimming session. Everything went pretty much as planned until I got to the front doors of the Y.
Pool Closed
Chlorine Being Adjusted
Really? It takes me so much preparation in order to do this exercise before work in the mornings and...the pool is closed?? And not only is the pool closed, but now I have to drive back home, shower and get ready for work and then drive back downtown.
Sigh.
It was annoying. And it almost set me up for failure for the rest of the day. But, I fought through the annoyance and didn't look at it as failure. I still needed to eat well and what I did today mattered. I kept my caloric intake in check and I've finished the day feeling proud of how I ate.
And tomorrow, I'll try again!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Gotta Do This...Or Else
Sometimes life doesn't give you choices. There are some things that you have to do or else you'll just suffer the consequences that life chooses to throw at you. I'm dealing with one such situation right now. Weight loss. It started when I was much younger. I just remember struggling with weight issues all of my life. From as early as 8 years old, I remember my Mom kind of "reminding" me that I needed to watch what I eat or I'd be fat. People who knew me back then tell me now that I wasn't fat while I was growing up, but of course, I remember things quite differently. When I was 19 years old, I was in a car with three of my friends from college and we were in a minor traffic accident on the Mass Pike. That was the beginning of my back injuries. I had a herniated disk and pinched nerve. I was basically immobile for several weeks. My friends had to help me out of bed, help me to the bathroom, etc. It was horrible. And that pain went on for several weeks. It slowly got better with therapy and pain medications. Then, a few years later, another disk herniated. Then another. Then another. Then another. And then I herniated one of those disks a second time. Have I ever had surgery? No. When all of this was going on, I was told that surgery probably wouldn't help much and that I was really too young, anyway. I had lots of therapy, lots of pain medicines, shots and some other procedures that caused some other annoying problems. Finally, the doctor looked at me and said, "You need to lose weight." It was like being punched in the gut. But he was right. Dang it. He was right. After Caleb was born, I started having pain in my feet, on the bottom, close to the heel. I couldn't understand why I was having pain with that first step out of bed in the morning. So, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with Plantar Fascitis. I underwent wearing a boot on my left leg/foot for three weeks and then had to have two steroid injections. My left foot got better and I got inserts put into my shoes. Recently, the right foot started acting up and I almost immediately started wearing the boot again, almost full time. I'm hoping to avoid getting the shots in my right foot, especially since we don't have insurance right now. But it all goes back to the real problem. I'm overweight. There's no sense in trying to ignore it anymore. If I care about my body at all, I need to make these changes and make my body better. It's either that, or I will end up sitting on the sidelines at all the fun activities my family does because I can't move. Praise God...I know that I am healed. Healing is a process and it requires our compliance. I received healing for my back pain a few years ago. I received healing for my foot pain a week ago. But, I need to do my part in order to see that healing full manifested in my body. I'm beginning a weight loss journey that includes changing my eating habits and going swimming a few times a week. Swimming is about the only exercise I can do in my current physical state. I went for the first time on Saturday and it was wonderful. I'm still feeling the burn in my legs. I'll keep you updated on my progress but my goal is to lose 110 pounds. I need to break that into smaller segments I know. But that is my ultimate goal. I can do it. I have to. Or else.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Time To Write
For those of you who do not know, I am a published writer. I'm not sure how much that means, however, considering I haven't published anything in six years. Not since that first novel. I remember how excited I was. I could hardly think about anything else. And forget sleeping. That just wasn't happening. I wrote a lot back then. I was writing constantly, whether it was in my journals or on a blog or for a book. It was an addiction. An outlet.
And I miss it.
This all came about last week when my Mom came over and I told her about the editing I was doing on the side for someone in my church. She kind of gave me a funny look and said (with a little bit of annoyance), "I remember when YOU were the one doing the writing." I didn't quite know what to say. But that sentence stuck with me. And it's been haunting me ever since that day.
I could formulate all kinds of excuses. I could tell you that I've been busy for the past few years. But everyone is busy. I could tell you that I've had writer's block. Everyone who writes suffers from writer's block every now and then. What do they do? They WRITE. And that's something that I haven't been doing. I did manage to write one book a few years ago about my husband's life. I believe it to be a masterpiece. I've never seen anything like it before. And where does it sit? On a shelf, in my bedroom, unpolished. Why?
Because I got lazy.
Recent people that I've met in my life have inspired me to start again. I've decided that I have a gift from God. That gift may have gotten a little rusty. But I need to shine it up and get it working again. I've let my mind lay dormant for too long. It needs to be inspired and that inspiration needs to spill out onto paper. If it isn't, I'm afraid of what my spirit will become.
My identity is made up of many things. I am a Mom. I'm a wife. I'm a step-mom. I'm a fund-raising coordinator.
And I'm a writer.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Ask God For Nothing
Robin issued a challenge to us this week at the Pregnancy Center. She challenged us to ask God for nothing, instead, be in thanksgiving for everything. Oh, how difficult this was for me. But it's also been very beneficial. How many times do we come to God with our list of wants/needs? The Bible says that he knows what we need before we ask him. And it also says that he's going to provide for us. How would our faith levels change if instead of asking him for things we gave thanks for those same things? I think it would make a world of difference in the way we see our Heavenly Father. Faith is calling those things that are not as though they already are. Faith is knowing that once we ask God for it, it's done. Regardless of our circumstances and regardless of what other people say. And when God answers, it's something to truly be thankful for!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Remembering...
Today, I have been at home with some type of stomach bug. I've been thinking about how I've dealt with such a situation in the past. I remember when I hurt my back several years ago, I received a book from a well-meaning friend explaining to me how my injury was going to be used by God to bring greatness into my life. The book went on to explain how God allows sickness to come upon us and we are to derive lessons from our sicknesses and diseases. Oh, how silly I was back then.
I have since come to understand more fully the amazing and awesome character qualities of the God I serve. He is a good God. He doesn't allow sickness to come on his children any more than I allow sickness to come on my own children. I would never do that to them. I love them too much! How much more does my Father in heaven love me? His love for me is endless.
God's healing is available when you believe for it. I am believing for it. I'm trusting that God will restore me in this time of sickness. His promises are good and true. He never goes against his Word. Jesus paid the price for this sickness on the cross and there's no reason for me to have to deal with it now. I'm so thankful for that!
I have since come to understand more fully the amazing and awesome character qualities of the God I serve. He is a good God. He doesn't allow sickness to come on his children any more than I allow sickness to come on my own children. I would never do that to them. I love them too much! How much more does my Father in heaven love me? His love for me is endless.
God's healing is available when you believe for it. I am believing for it. I'm trusting that God will restore me in this time of sickness. His promises are good and true. He never goes against his Word. Jesus paid the price for this sickness on the cross and there's no reason for me to have to deal with it now. I'm so thankful for that!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Faith
My Pastor describes faith as calling those things which are not as though they already are. He uses Romans 4 to back that up. Romans 4:18-21 says this: Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. That part is so important.
God's Word is FULL of promises. God promised Abraham that he would be the father of an entire nation of people. He PROMISED. Abraham was old. Really old. Way beyond the child-bearing age. What did he do? Well, at first he kind of laughed. It was truly an unbelievable thing-to have a child when you are that old. But, as God continued to assure him, his tune began to change a little bit. And he had faith that God would do it because he said he would.
As Christians, we are no different than Abraham. Where is our faith level? I can't help but go back and read the entry I wrote here about wanting to get pregnant. Up until that point, I had never wanted anything so bad in all my life. So, what did I do? I asked God for it. And I felt it confirmed to me, in my heart, that in the year 2009 (I asked at the end of 2008), I would have a baby. And I believed God when he spoke that to my heart. I stopped worrying about it, and I put the thoughts of it aside. I stopped taking fertility drugs. This was going to be God's miracle.
Lo and behold, in April of 2009, I found out that I was pregnant. Craig and I were ecstatic. So, what happened to me a few months after that when I went in for my 19 week check up and they found a tumor in my uterus? I probably could have gone into a downward spiral at that point. That would have been simple. I could have started speaking all kinds of negative things. But I didn't. Instead, I had hands layed on me for healing and I was told, "Go back to the doctor and get a good report." I believed I had been healed. God said it. I believe it.
I went back to the doctor (a specialist who used a way more advanced type of ultrasound) and he couldn't find any tumor. It was gone. Why? Because God said he would heal me and I believed it, and he did it.
Why do we make God's Word so complicated? Do we really think that God is so small that he can't heal a simple tumor? Do we think he can't provide finances when they're needed? Why do we do that to God? We're stealing our own blessings!
I want to encourage you today, if you're reading this. God has an incredible benefit package for you if you're born again. Just incredible. There's no reason why you shouldn't be experiencing those benefits. Is there? Ask God to increase your faith. He loves that prayer and HE WILL!
God's Word is FULL of promises. God promised Abraham that he would be the father of an entire nation of people. He PROMISED. Abraham was old. Really old. Way beyond the child-bearing age. What did he do? Well, at first he kind of laughed. It was truly an unbelievable thing-to have a child when you are that old. But, as God continued to assure him, his tune began to change a little bit. And he had faith that God would do it because he said he would.
As Christians, we are no different than Abraham. Where is our faith level? I can't help but go back and read the entry I wrote here about wanting to get pregnant. Up until that point, I had never wanted anything so bad in all my life. So, what did I do? I asked God for it. And I felt it confirmed to me, in my heart, that in the year 2009 (I asked at the end of 2008), I would have a baby. And I believed God when he spoke that to my heart. I stopped worrying about it, and I put the thoughts of it aside. I stopped taking fertility drugs. This was going to be God's miracle.
Lo and behold, in April of 2009, I found out that I was pregnant. Craig and I were ecstatic. So, what happened to me a few months after that when I went in for my 19 week check up and they found a tumor in my uterus? I probably could have gone into a downward spiral at that point. That would have been simple. I could have started speaking all kinds of negative things. But I didn't. Instead, I had hands layed on me for healing and I was told, "Go back to the doctor and get a good report." I believed I had been healed. God said it. I believe it.
I went back to the doctor (a specialist who used a way more advanced type of ultrasound) and he couldn't find any tumor. It was gone. Why? Because God said he would heal me and I believed it, and he did it.
Why do we make God's Word so complicated? Do we really think that God is so small that he can't heal a simple tumor? Do we think he can't provide finances when they're needed? Why do we do that to God? We're stealing our own blessings!
I want to encourage you today, if you're reading this. God has an incredible benefit package for you if you're born again. Just incredible. There's no reason why you shouldn't be experiencing those benefits. Is there? Ask God to increase your faith. He loves that prayer and HE WILL!
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