Thursday, May 31, 2012

I've Realized...

I think back to the beginning of March when I took that first step out of Dr. Addams' office.  It took everything within me to just keep on walking.  I was shaking and nervous and...I felt like I was going to faint.  I had never done anything like that before.  I've always been a good worker.  I've always done my best to exceed the expectations of my manager. I just...I couldn't do it anymore.  I couldn't manage facing yet another "scolding" for doing something I didn't do, or for allowing something to happen that I had no control over.  I'd done so every day for two months by that time.  And I had had enough.  For my own sanity, I had to get out of that place.

And then I came home.  I walked in the house and it was quiet.  Caleb was at the sitter's house and the older kids hadn't come home from school yet.  In a panic, I sent out a flurry of resumes, despite the fact that Craig told me just to go home and relax and get myself together for a few hours before I had to go pick Caleb up.  I felt like I was in a downward spiral and I didn't know what to do.  I felt like I had just financially doomed my family.

And then...in steps God.

I was reminded in those moments that I was His kid.  My prosperity didn't depend on whether or not Dr. Addams gave me a paycheck.  That fact was further enforced a few weeks later when Dr. Addams decided not to pay me my final paycheck right after we just spent all of our money on a minivan.  God knew exactly what I needed in those moments.  And He immediately began showering me with His love in a way that only He can.

And now...here I am.  It's almost three months later.  I've been a stay at home mom, but I've also been a child of the King who has been revitalized and reminded of the calling that's been placed on my life.  God instilled in me a gift to write.  He has been building this passion in me since I was ten years old.  Ever since I wrote my first two-page story about The Monkees, I had a dream to be a writer.  God took my decision to leave that stifling job and turned it into an opportunity to bring my dreams closer to life than they have ever been before.

I've been writing for a company who provides SEO content to businesses for online distribution.  I've written everything from costume descriptions to website content for dental offices.  I've learned about air conditioning and plumbing and adult autism.  And I've found that the more I write, the more I want to write.

On the days when the writing boards have been slow, or when the clients who've selected me to write specifically for them haven't had any work, I've been able to devote time to re-typing books I've written in the past.  It's come to my attention (thanks to the Family Life Network) that publishing e books is a very lucrative, not to mention cheap, way to get your books into the hands of people who will pay to read them.  And with the transition of the world into e everything, it's easy to see that e publishing really is the way to go.  So, I'm working even more toward my dream.

And...as if that wasn't enough, I've been offered an opportunity to provide transcription services for a therapist who practices in Binghamton.  It's only a few documents a week, but it will be a big help financially on those weeks when the job board is slow.

I am incredibly blessed.  I am blessed, and I am favored.  I'm so thankful for God's work in my life.  I'm thankful that He picked me up when I "fell down" back in March.  I'm thankful that He is the One taking care of me.  I have no reason to fear.  I'm a King's kid.

I'm still in awe of what is happening in my life right now.  Craig asked me tonight if I was going to get "antsy" and want to return to a job outside the home once Caleb goes to school.  He was incredibly relieved when my response was "No way!".  That made me happy.

It's not that I've found my calling...I've just realized that I needed to answer it.

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