Self-Scrutiny

I am completely fascinated by the book I am reading right now for my devotion time.  It's called Crazy Love: Overwhelmed By A Relentless God by Francis Chan.  If you are not familiar with it, you need to stop reading this blog right now and get a copy.  It's available on all e-devices as well as in print form. 

From the moment I downloaded this book onto my Nook, I have been captivated and challenged by the incredible truths that it holds.  The author practically dares you to delve deeper into your relationship with God.  I am enjoying it so much in fact, from the very beginning of reading it, I have made myself read each chapter at least two times before moving on to the next chapter.  And sometimes the truth of a single paragraph is so intense and so deep, that I have had to put the book down for the day and just medidate on what God would use those words to speak to my heart.  This book is rich with Scripture and exploding with truth. 

Right now, I'm working on getting through chapter 8, which is entitled "Profile Of The Obsessed".  This is my second time reading this chapter and I think I'm going to proceed even slower this time so I the complete idea of what God is saying to me.

That word OBSESSED kind of makes us feel uncomfortable, doesn't it?  It comes with a negative connotation and most of the time, it indicates an unhealthy desire.  The definition of OBSESSED is:  To have the mind excessively preoccupied with a single emotion or topic.  The chapter goes on to explore what it means to be OBSESSED with Jesus.  And I have to wonder to myself, Am I? 

The answer is, I don't think I have been obsessed with Jesus.  I'm not sure I ever have been.  Well...OK.  I take that back.  There probably was a time, when I was a teenager, that I was obsessed with Jesus.  But that obsession was built upon something entirely different than what I'm talking about right now.  I had the priviledge of being a part of the most amazing youth group in the history of the church world.  Those kids were my friends.  My BEST friends.  At the time, I lived to be with them.  And the one common thing that we all had was that we had accepted Jesus as our Savior.  My obsession with Jesus at that time was built upon the fact that the group I was a part of was also obsessed with Jesus because, well, Jesus was pretty cool. 

Now that I've matured in both my relationship with God and in the way that I see who He is to me, I have a deep desire for that obsession.  I'm not talking about how God has blessed me.  If you follow my blog, you already know that He's blessed me more than I can tell you.  But, I'm talking about being truly OBSESSED with God because of WHO HE IS.  And not because of WHAT HE HAS DONE.  I want to strive to be completely in love with Jesus.  I want Jesus to be the Lover of my soul.  I want Him to be the reason why I get up in the morning.  I want the time that I get to spend with Him to be the most precious time of my day.  I want every cent that I give to further the Kingdom of God to be akin to the amount of money you spend when you're shopping for the perfect engagement ring.  The amount doesn't matter.  The heart is what matters.  And you'd go above and beyond for that person because of the deepness of your love for them, no matter what the cost.  I want to have days where I just sit in praise to my King.  Days when my TO-DO list goes undone because, aside from caring for my son, I just could not drag myself away from His amazing presence. 

THAT is the kind of OBSESSION I am after.  And I am being completely transparent before you all when I tell you that right now, I don't have that.  But it's what I crave.  And it's what I'm begging God for.  I want the desire for that kind of OBSESSION with my Jesus to be all-encompassing.  I want it to overtake every other emotion, feeling or thought that I might have. 

And as I sit here typing this, my question to you is, when is the last time you took part in some real spiritual self-scrutiny?  Is the type of OBSESSION I'm talking about appealing to you?  Even if you don't have it right now, if you want it, it's available for you. 

I don't know about you, but I want ALL that God has for me.  Every last bit of it.  And I will not rest, I will not stop asking Him for that desire for OBSESSION for Jesus. 

Who's with me?