Friday was definitely a long day for me. But I got so much done. Friday was the day that I did all of my tests for my surgery. I arrived at Guthrie in Sayre around 8 am. First stop was to see the Dietician. She is really nice. Her name is Adrienne and she's going to be assisting me throughout this journey. She'll be the one helping me to know what to eat and what to avoid. We had a nice visit and she gave me a food diary that I have to begin recording what I'm eating in. This is key because keeping this food diary and beginning to change my eating habits right now shows them that I'm serious about how I will change how I eat even after the surgery.
After I met with Adrienne, I went to my appointment with the psychologist, Dr. Lichtenstein. I know...he's got the perfect psychologist's name, doesn't he? He talked to me about my eating habits and the emotional side of the change this surgery will make in me. At the end, he told me that he was going to clear me for the surgery. Whew...at least I know I'm not crazy...and I've got a professional's opinion that says I'm not!
On to the lab. 12 vials of blood later...I was on my way to X-ray. I thought I was in for a simple X-ray but in fact, I was scheduled for an upper GI series. I got my exercise in for the day as I had to drink this nasty stuff and roll all over the table to coat my stomach and then roll this way and that while they took pictures of my stomach. It wasn't all that bad. And the doctor had a dry sense of humor that I found rather amusing. It was almost 12:30 by the time I was headed home.
I have to go back and see Adrienne with my food journal in a month. Then I will see Dr. Alley again and hopefully schedule my surgery, assuming that everything was fine with my blood work. I'm thinking my surgery will probably be sometime after Christmas. What a way to begin the new year!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Another Update
I just realized that I haven't eaten anything of substance since noon. I figured I had better eat something before I have to fast until around 11 o'clock tomorrow morning. Tomorrow is my big appointment in Sayre, PA. I have to meet with a psychiatrist, dietician, have a full blood work panel done, and then have an x-ray tomorrow. That will satisfy all of my requirements before we schedule my surgery. I'm pretty sure that tomorrow I will make my pre-surgery appointment.
It's all coming together, it seems. I suffered through the sleep study and only hallucinated a little bit while I was trying to stay awake for my last day of work at the Center and then Trunk or Treat. I keep thinking things about myself and about how I want myself to look. I think about how uncomfortable I am just to sit. All the time. It's hard to figure out what to do with my hands. Most people of normal size don't think about these things. They just fold their hands in their lap. I can't do that and be comfortable. I think about going up and down the stairs at work constantly. My office is upstairs so I have to go up there several times a day. When I get up there, I'm out of breath. There are many other things. The pain I experience is a huge one. Every day, that first step out of bed...a painful reminder that the plantar fascitis is still going strong in my foot. The back injury that haunts me out of nowhere, just because I do a silly thing like sleep in a strange bed in a hotel room one night. All of that can (and will be) a thing of the past. I look forward to that day.
And then my job. I do like my job. I am eager to finish my training so that I can take complete charge of the office and get things more organized. So many issues there are all being thrown at me at one time and it's easy to see why I was hired. At first, I wondered a little bit. But now, I understand. It makes perfect sense. And I'm looking forward to making the office a better place for people to work. I had to fire my first person today. Even though I did it in a round about way, I still felt bad. I say "round about" because I only handed her a letter of dismissal and then asked for her keys, since I wasn't her supervisor to begin with. It's tough to be the heavy hand. I'm learning this first-hand. I spent most of the day working on the schedule for the next week because people have to be shifted a little bit at first so that all of us "newbies" can get our training. These first few weeks are going to be tough. But then, things should settle down some.
I must say, I do enjoy the feeling of being in charge. I feel like I have a pretty level head on my shoulders and usually I can look at a situation and say, "No, I think it would work better if we did it THIS way." And usually, when people have taken my advice in the past, it has worked. I enjoy praising the workers at Dr. Addams' office for the hard work that they do. I think we have a good team of people together now. And I think if we all pull together and work hard for these next few weeks, we can make that good team of people an EXCEPTIONAL team of people.
It is after 11 now as I write this. I have to be up early to drive to Sayre tomorrow. So, I will say good night. And I'll update again tomorrow about my appointments in Sayre. Thanks for reading.
It's all coming together, it seems. I suffered through the sleep study and only hallucinated a little bit while I was trying to stay awake for my last day of work at the Center and then Trunk or Treat. I keep thinking things about myself and about how I want myself to look. I think about how uncomfortable I am just to sit. All the time. It's hard to figure out what to do with my hands. Most people of normal size don't think about these things. They just fold their hands in their lap. I can't do that and be comfortable. I think about going up and down the stairs at work constantly. My office is upstairs so I have to go up there several times a day. When I get up there, I'm out of breath. There are many other things. The pain I experience is a huge one. Every day, that first step out of bed...a painful reminder that the plantar fascitis is still going strong in my foot. The back injury that haunts me out of nowhere, just because I do a silly thing like sleep in a strange bed in a hotel room one night. All of that can (and will be) a thing of the past. I look forward to that day.
And then my job. I do like my job. I am eager to finish my training so that I can take complete charge of the office and get things more organized. So many issues there are all being thrown at me at one time and it's easy to see why I was hired. At first, I wondered a little bit. But now, I understand. It makes perfect sense. And I'm looking forward to making the office a better place for people to work. I had to fire my first person today. Even though I did it in a round about way, I still felt bad. I say "round about" because I only handed her a letter of dismissal and then asked for her keys, since I wasn't her supervisor to begin with. It's tough to be the heavy hand. I'm learning this first-hand. I spent most of the day working on the schedule for the next week because people have to be shifted a little bit at first so that all of us "newbies" can get our training. These first few weeks are going to be tough. But then, things should settle down some.
I must say, I do enjoy the feeling of being in charge. I feel like I have a pretty level head on my shoulders and usually I can look at a situation and say, "No, I think it would work better if we did it THIS way." And usually, when people have taken my advice in the past, it has worked. I enjoy praising the workers at Dr. Addams' office for the hard work that they do. I think we have a good team of people together now. And I think if we all pull together and work hard for these next few weeks, we can make that good team of people an EXCEPTIONAL team of people.
It is after 11 now as I write this. I have to be up early to drive to Sayre tomorrow. So, I will say good night. And I'll update again tomorrow about my appointments in Sayre. Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Update...On All Things ME!
I thought I should post an update so the world knows what's up with me these days...
Well, I had my sleep study, which was the first test I had to undergo for my surgery. It was a difficult night to say the least. I had six electrodes attached to my head, a few on my face, two on my chest, two on each leg, and two different kinds of hoses up my nose. And then they said, "Now go to sleep". Difficult. But apparently, I did sleep for a little while. It was enough time for them to get the data that they needed. I spent the next day being entirely exhausted and by the end of the day, I was hallucinating...just a little. That day was my last day working at the Center. It was nice. They took me out to lunch at Garcia's and Robin gave a really nice gift (a box of chocolate). I know that I will miss working there. But I am also excited about where God is leading me next.
Yesterday was my first full day of working at Dr. Addams' office. When I walked in, I was greeted with "You should get settled in because we have lots to tell you!" Oh, boy. The day was full of that kind of thing and I did my best to muddle through. I ended up working late because the evening receptionist wasn't coming in and they were starting a new evening receptionist yesterday. I might not be a seasoned veteran, but I was in charge and I couldn't let her stay there alone all night on her first day. So...I worked 9-7:30ish last night. On my first day! Whew! It was a toughie. But I did it! And I think I scored some more points with Dr. Addams for my work ethic. She gets very impressed when you go the extra mile. I am enjoying the busyness of her office. The day, although long, did seem to go by quite fast. And there's always something to do. Which is good.
So, now I'm on to day two. I don't think this one will be a long one. It should be a regular day. At least, that's what I'm counting on!
This Friday the day will be full of lab work and tests and psychiatric examinations. All of the stuff I have to still get done will be finished Friday and then I believe they will schedule my surgery. Looking forward to that part!
Well, I had my sleep study, which was the first test I had to undergo for my surgery. It was a difficult night to say the least. I had six electrodes attached to my head, a few on my face, two on my chest, two on each leg, and two different kinds of hoses up my nose. And then they said, "Now go to sleep". Difficult. But apparently, I did sleep for a little while. It was enough time for them to get the data that they needed. I spent the next day being entirely exhausted and by the end of the day, I was hallucinating...just a little. That day was my last day working at the Center. It was nice. They took me out to lunch at Garcia's and Robin gave a really nice gift (a box of chocolate). I know that I will miss working there. But I am also excited about where God is leading me next.
Yesterday was my first full day of working at Dr. Addams' office. When I walked in, I was greeted with "You should get settled in because we have lots to tell you!" Oh, boy. The day was full of that kind of thing and I did my best to muddle through. I ended up working late because the evening receptionist wasn't coming in and they were starting a new evening receptionist yesterday. I might not be a seasoned veteran, but I was in charge and I couldn't let her stay there alone all night on her first day. So...I worked 9-7:30ish last night. On my first day! Whew! It was a toughie. But I did it! And I think I scored some more points with Dr. Addams for my work ethic. She gets very impressed when you go the extra mile. I am enjoying the busyness of her office. The day, although long, did seem to go by quite fast. And there's always something to do. Which is good.
So, now I'm on to day two. I don't think this one will be a long one. It should be a regular day. At least, that's what I'm counting on!
This Friday the day will be full of lab work and tests and psychiatric examinations. All of the stuff I have to still get done will be finished Friday and then I believe they will schedule my surgery. Looking forward to that part!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
A Painful Reminder...
Pain.
It's something that I've dealt with/experienced for the greater part of 16 years. Ever since that car accident my freshman year at ENC I've dealt with bouts of extreme back pain. And it's just another painful reminder of how much I need to get this weight off. I have had so many MRI's, so many X-rays, so many procedures...I've been to almost every physical therapy place in this town. I've tried many exercise routines. I've dieted. I've strengthened.
Out of all the doctors I have seen, there is one theme that runs through all of their diagnoses..."You must lose weight or you will continue to have back pain." They didn't want to operate on me because when this all started and was at its worst, I was too young. I was in my mid-twenties when I had to go on temporary disability because I was unable to perform my job at the BSU. I still can never get a job there again because of my physical limitations.
My weight has gone up quite steadily through the years. I've gone on diets, I've gone off diets. I would go through times when I was just happy with myself and how I looked so I'd start eating too much again and didn't care what anyone thought. Then I would have times when I'd catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and feel so disgusted...a vicious cycle. A vicious cycle that must be broken.
And as I sit here and write this, I think of how I slept for most of today (or at least laid in bed) because of the pain medicine I take that just takes the edge off. And I think of the opportunity to have this surgery that will force me to change the way that I eat. Having this surgery gives me one of the missing tools that I have needed in order to have great success at losing weight. Bariatric surgery gives me NO OTHER CHOICE. And that is something I've been lacking.
I'm so tired of having back pain. I'm tired worrying about going out of town and having to sleep on a strange bed. Without fail, I wake up in pain. I'm ready to not have to worry about that anymore. Being heavy has taken over so many parts of my life. The pain is a big reason to go through with the surgery. I'm ready to get my life back.
It's something that I've dealt with/experienced for the greater part of 16 years. Ever since that car accident my freshman year at ENC I've dealt with bouts of extreme back pain. And it's just another painful reminder of how much I need to get this weight off. I have had so many MRI's, so many X-rays, so many procedures...I've been to almost every physical therapy place in this town. I've tried many exercise routines. I've dieted. I've strengthened.
Out of all the doctors I have seen, there is one theme that runs through all of their diagnoses..."You must lose weight or you will continue to have back pain." They didn't want to operate on me because when this all started and was at its worst, I was too young. I was in my mid-twenties when I had to go on temporary disability because I was unable to perform my job at the BSU. I still can never get a job there again because of my physical limitations.
My weight has gone up quite steadily through the years. I've gone on diets, I've gone off diets. I would go through times when I was just happy with myself and how I looked so I'd start eating too much again and didn't care what anyone thought. Then I would have times when I'd catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and feel so disgusted...a vicious cycle. A vicious cycle that must be broken.
And as I sit here and write this, I think of how I slept for most of today (or at least laid in bed) because of the pain medicine I take that just takes the edge off. And I think of the opportunity to have this surgery that will force me to change the way that I eat. Having this surgery gives me one of the missing tools that I have needed in order to have great success at losing weight. Bariatric surgery gives me NO OTHER CHOICE. And that is something I've been lacking.
I'm so tired of having back pain. I'm tired worrying about going out of town and having to sleep on a strange bed. Without fail, I wake up in pain. I'm ready to not have to worry about that anymore. Being heavy has taken over so many parts of my life. The pain is a big reason to go through with the surgery. I'm ready to get my life back.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Day One: The Breakdown
Just to set everyone's mind at ease...I am not talking about MY breakdown, but more the breakdown of my new job. Just had to clarify that.
My first day was a good one. And it was a short one, which I was thankful for because my brain was getting a little too full. Not only was I there to learn the job of the Office Manager, but I was also listening to complaints from a few of the staff about what needs to be done better and changed in the office. The day began with a short review of some of what I had done previously when I was employed with Dr. Addams. And then we reviewed patient charts and their contents and talked some about what my duties would be once I got my feet wet. Apparently, I am going to be "getting my feet wet" pretty quickly. Dr. Addams wants to bring on a new therapist and that will be my responsibility. She is also going to be opening a new practice in Ithaca and I will be overseeing part of that project as well. I honestly don't know how they survived without this position sooner. I can see a definite need there and I'm eager to get things changed and flowing more smoothly.
There are no policies and procedures. None. Zip. And I can say this...thank God for Robin Savard. I hope that she reads this post because what I am about to say is straight from my heart...Robin, you have been so instrumental in preparing me to take this position. I have learned so much from you in the few years that I have sat under your leadership. I have learned what makes an office work and what doesn't. I've watched you handle different situations with employees and seen them change for the better because of your skills in leadership. I've learned from your discussions about different problems you've dealt with. But above all, I have seen God shine through you as you have always been dedicated to seeking out His wisdom and His heart for your position as a leader. All day long today I kept thinking "What would Robin do?" "Robin would flip if she saw this!" And I thank you for setting that standard so high in ME because now, those tools are needed elsewhere. And I'm humbled that God has seen fit to use me to help bring a different office to a higher standard of excellence. I will always be grateful for the things that you have shown me and taught me. Your willingness to be obedient to God and seek Him in your leadership has spilled out into my life. Thank you!
And of course, I have to thank Holly as well. On Monday, Holly spent part of our holiday sitting with me and going over a lot of the forms that she uses as our Executive Director. I am quite sure that these forms do not exist at Dr. Addams' office...yet. Holly, you lead with such a sweet spirit and yet you command that authority (No, not the "Do what I say" authority either...but REAL authority) by just your presence and your countenance. I am thankful that you lead the way that you do as well because I'm going into a position where I'm not going to be the favorite person in the office and I needed that example of that sweet spirit. God needed me to see that in you so that I could learn how to lead with that same sweetness. In the few short months that I have known you, I have also learned from your creativity. You have been so eager to make changes for the better and those changes have served to enhance the Center so much. I am also thankful for your decision-making process. Because even though I'm not working in a Christian ministry at Dr. Addams' office, I still need to make decisions the way God would have me make them. Thank you for being obedient to God in your position as our leader.
And so now, I move forward. I will finish out my time at the Center (I'll find out tomorrow when I will be finished working there) and I will move on to this next phase of my career with joy in my heart because I know that this is where God has ordained me to be. I am so thankful for God's provision and for His perfect timing.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Still More Contemplations...In A Quiet House
This is what happens...you leave me alone and I'm gonna blog. I think it's because I have stuff inside of my head that I need to get out somehow. So, here we go.
I decided to blog about my new job tonight. Since my first day there is tomorrow, I thought it would be a good time to share some of the thoughts I'm having. Currently, I am employed at the Southern Tier Pregnancy Resource Center. I love it there. I love my co-workers and I love my position as Client Services Coordinator. However, as God likes to do, He is moving me forward and He is prospering our family once again. A few weeks ago, I received a phone call from Dr. Addams, a psychiatrist I worked for once before, asking me if I would like a position with her office. She told me she was looking for someone to run her office for her and be the office supervisor. After some prayer and consideration, I decided to take the position.
It's hard thinking about leaving the Center. I remember when Robin hired me back to work there in January. I was so excited! It felt like I was coming home again. It had been the only job that I ever really LOVED that way. And in the nine months that I've worked there, there has never been a day when I didn't want to go to work. There were days when I couldn't wait to go home...like around Banquet time. But all in all, it's been a wonderful experience and I'm so thankful to have been given the chance to work there again.
God is definitely a God of prosperity. And He is prospering me during the season of my life. I'm in for a lot of changes in the next couple of months. I'm excited to see where He will lead me. And I'm so thankful that I have Him to guide me and direct my paths.
Now I have to think about going to bed while I mull over tomorrow in my head. My concern is...I'm not going to be everyone's "favorite" person going into this job. So, that is going to be a challenge. I'm a very likeable, friendly person. But when you are taking a position that is created for you to fill and the people below you basically BEG for the position NOT to be created, well...that's a challenge. I'm praying that God will begin to give me wisdom for how to deal with those challenges from the moment I walk in there in the morning. There has been a lot of faith placed in me because I've never supervised anyone before. The closest I've come to that is training volunteers to see clients at the Center. And even then, I've shied away from any type of confrontation with training them because I have not been comfortable with confrontation. But, now I will HAVE TO DO IT. I can sense God stretching me and I've been mentally preparing myself for that part of this job ever since I decided to take it. I can also sense that this is all a part of God preparing me for something even bigger in my future. I hope that something bigger includes eventually getting my Master's Degree. That would be wonderful!
Anyhow, those are the thoughts for tonight. Thanks for reading. :)
I decided to blog about my new job tonight. Since my first day there is tomorrow, I thought it would be a good time to share some of the thoughts I'm having. Currently, I am employed at the Southern Tier Pregnancy Resource Center. I love it there. I love my co-workers and I love my position as Client Services Coordinator. However, as God likes to do, He is moving me forward and He is prospering our family once again. A few weeks ago, I received a phone call from Dr. Addams, a psychiatrist I worked for once before, asking me if I would like a position with her office. She told me she was looking for someone to run her office for her and be the office supervisor. After some prayer and consideration, I decided to take the position.
It's hard thinking about leaving the Center. I remember when Robin hired me back to work there in January. I was so excited! It felt like I was coming home again. It had been the only job that I ever really LOVED that way. And in the nine months that I've worked there, there has never been a day when I didn't want to go to work. There were days when I couldn't wait to go home...like around Banquet time. But all in all, it's been a wonderful experience and I'm so thankful to have been given the chance to work there again.
God is definitely a God of prosperity. And He is prospering me during the season of my life. I'm in for a lot of changes in the next couple of months. I'm excited to see where He will lead me. And I'm so thankful that I have Him to guide me and direct my paths.
Now I have to think about going to bed while I mull over tomorrow in my head. My concern is...I'm not going to be everyone's "favorite" person going into this job. So, that is going to be a challenge. I'm a very likeable, friendly person. But when you are taking a position that is created for you to fill and the people below you basically BEG for the position NOT to be created, well...that's a challenge. I'm praying that God will begin to give me wisdom for how to deal with those challenges from the moment I walk in there in the morning. There has been a lot of faith placed in me because I've never supervised anyone before. The closest I've come to that is training volunteers to see clients at the Center. And even then, I've shied away from any type of confrontation with training them because I have not been comfortable with confrontation. But, now I will HAVE TO DO IT. I can sense God stretching me and I've been mentally preparing myself for that part of this job ever since I decided to take it. I can also sense that this is all a part of God preparing me for something even bigger in my future. I hope that something bigger includes eventually getting my Master's Degree. That would be wonderful!
Anyhow, those are the thoughts for tonight. Thanks for reading. :)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Alone With...Thoughts
It can be a dangerous place to be...alone with your thoughts. Most of the time, however, I look forward to these nights when it's just me and my thoughts. As other things have crowded into my mind, I have kind of put the thoughts of the surgery on the back burner in my brain. However, it's still there. And I have been thinking about when it comes up.
I wasn't really prepared for the mixture of reactions that I received when I first began telling people of my decision for weight loss surgery. I had only heard mainly positive things about the surgery and I've SEEN many positive things in the people I know who have had it. I began hearing stories of complications and of weight gained back after so much was lost. I began hearing tales of sugar-less diets and serious food restrictions. And these things have settled in my mind a bit. But only a bit. The people who told me these things are people I love dearly and I value their opinions very much. Even so...when it comes down to it, the decision has to be my own and it has to be something that I know I will be able to live with for the rest of my life. So, I've come up with several "facts" for myself.
1. Regarding the food restrictions...I have been heavy for most of my life. The food I eat is mainly what got me to this place. Of course I enjoy desserts (probably more than anyone I know, actually) and I will miss indulging in them on a "regular" basis. But, that doesn't mean I won't be able to indulge. I will have to indulge differently. Someone I know who had the surgery offered me a sugar-less brownie the other day and it was delicious. I could eat that in place of my regular sweets. I'm sure there are many things that I can substitute for the Resee's Peanut Butter Cups I love so much. But eating that way is what got me to where I am. I don't want to be this weight anymore. I want to be different and BETTER than I am now, physically. Those things have to go anyway. And it's going to take something drastic changing in my life in order for me to have the will power to put them down. You can encourage me all day long. I appreciate the encouragement. But at the end of the day, I WILL hide in my van and eat something I shouldn't eat because I can. I've lived with myself for 35 years. I know me. And I know what I'm capable of.
2. Food isn't all it's cracked up to be. I mean, sure it's great and some of it is REALLY great and it sustains us. It is certainly a gift from God. Especially those Resee's Cups. But, it's not the be-all, end-all. It's not GOD and it's not to be placed in such a place of importance in our lives. Will I live if I never eat another Resee's Cup? Yes, I will. I will live BETTER. Food (at times in the past) has become an "idol" of sorts in my life. That's not something I'm proud of. But it's the truth.
3. Regaining the weight back. Dr. Alley said that people who regain the weight back are the people who don't stick to the diet/program. They don't exercise and they don't eat right. And they usually don't come to their appointments. It makes sense that if you don't do what they tell you to do, you will suffer the consequences. I don't intend for that to be me. I'm not going through this just so I can end up looking bad again.
4. This is something that I have to do for myself. I know many people might not understand it. But that's because you're not ME. I've given this a lot of thought for about a year now. I can't begin to explain to you the pain that five herniated disks causes me at times. I can't tell you how I wish just for one day that I had someone else's feet so that I could just walk without feeling pain. That first step in the morning is so painful sometimes I just want to scream.
This is just three of the "facts" I have come up with. And it's getting later so my mind is getting foggier. A family member who had the surgery told me that this is what she told people who tried to talk her out of having the surgery: "I politely informed them that I was doing this for myself, and nobody could talk me out of it. Don't let anybody change your mind. Only you and
your doctor should make the decision for your health."
I do hope that if you're reading this and you don't agree with me having the surgery that you understand that it IS my decision. It is a decision I have made for myself. And I intend to go through with it and have amazing results so that I can live a fuller life. That is my ultimate goal. It's not to go against anyone's advice or make anyone mad or do something really drastic. It's to change my life. I hope that makes sense and I hope that all of you that love me can respect that and come along side me as I continue in this journey.
I wasn't really prepared for the mixture of reactions that I received when I first began telling people of my decision for weight loss surgery. I had only heard mainly positive things about the surgery and I've SEEN many positive things in the people I know who have had it. I began hearing stories of complications and of weight gained back after so much was lost. I began hearing tales of sugar-less diets and serious food restrictions. And these things have settled in my mind a bit. But only a bit. The people who told me these things are people I love dearly and I value their opinions very much. Even so...when it comes down to it, the decision has to be my own and it has to be something that I know I will be able to live with for the rest of my life. So, I've come up with several "facts" for myself.
1. Regarding the food restrictions...I have been heavy for most of my life. The food I eat is mainly what got me to this place. Of course I enjoy desserts (probably more than anyone I know, actually) and I will miss indulging in them on a "regular" basis. But, that doesn't mean I won't be able to indulge. I will have to indulge differently. Someone I know who had the surgery offered me a sugar-less brownie the other day and it was delicious. I could eat that in place of my regular sweets. I'm sure there are many things that I can substitute for the Resee's Peanut Butter Cups I love so much. But eating that way is what got me to where I am. I don't want to be this weight anymore. I want to be different and BETTER than I am now, physically. Those things have to go anyway. And it's going to take something drastic changing in my life in order for me to have the will power to put them down. You can encourage me all day long. I appreciate the encouragement. But at the end of the day, I WILL hide in my van and eat something I shouldn't eat because I can. I've lived with myself for 35 years. I know me. And I know what I'm capable of.
2. Food isn't all it's cracked up to be. I mean, sure it's great and some of it is REALLY great and it sustains us. It is certainly a gift from God. Especially those Resee's Cups. But, it's not the be-all, end-all. It's not GOD and it's not to be placed in such a place of importance in our lives. Will I live if I never eat another Resee's Cup? Yes, I will. I will live BETTER. Food (at times in the past) has become an "idol" of sorts in my life. That's not something I'm proud of. But it's the truth.
3. Regaining the weight back. Dr. Alley said that people who regain the weight back are the people who don't stick to the diet/program. They don't exercise and they don't eat right. And they usually don't come to their appointments. It makes sense that if you don't do what they tell you to do, you will suffer the consequences. I don't intend for that to be me. I'm not going through this just so I can end up looking bad again.
4. This is something that I have to do for myself. I know many people might not understand it. But that's because you're not ME. I've given this a lot of thought for about a year now. I can't begin to explain to you the pain that five herniated disks causes me at times. I can't tell you how I wish just for one day that I had someone else's feet so that I could just walk without feeling pain. That first step in the morning is so painful sometimes I just want to scream.
This is just three of the "facts" I have come up with. And it's getting later so my mind is getting foggier. A family member who had the surgery told me that this is what she told people who tried to talk her out of having the surgery: "I politely informed them that I was doing this for myself, and nobody could talk me out of it. Don't let anybody change your mind. Only you and
your doctor should make the decision for your health."
I do hope that if you're reading this and you don't agree with me having the surgery that you understand that it IS my decision. It is a decision I have made for myself. And I intend to go through with it and have amazing results so that I can live a fuller life. That is my ultimate goal. It's not to go against anyone's advice or make anyone mad or do something really drastic. It's to change my life. I hope that makes sense and I hope that all of you that love me can respect that and come along side me as I continue in this journey.
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