There is one phrase I will never, ever, EVER utter again, as long as I live.
"Sleep tight...don't let the bed bugs bite!"
When you're a kid, you think it's cute; funny, even. I remember my Grandma saying to me, "Don't ever say that! You don't want people to think we have bed bugs!"
Well, here I sit. With a bed bug infestation.
It has been the worst few weeks of my life. This is worse than when my ex-husband left. Although, honestly, when he left, I cried for one whole day and then pulled myself together and went into survivor mode for myself and my kids. I could have handled this bed bug thing if it only required me crying for a day and then going into survival mode.
The quick recap is this: We had some neighbors living next door who weren't exactly clean. To make you understand what I mean, once I was sick. I mean, I was SICK. I could NOT be away from a bathroom for very long. On that same day, the toilet needed to be repaired because it was leaking through the ceiling in our kitchen. So, I couldn't use the toilet here. I asked our neighbors if I could use theirs. I only used theirs once. Every other time, I went down the street to the gas station to use the bathroom. THAT'S how bad their apartment was. It smelled. Everything was just filthy. The toilet didn't flush and it HADN'T been flushed. There are just no words to truly describe what I saw over there.
We were elated last month to find out that our neighbors were being evicted. They hadn't paid rent and had seemed to disappear from the apartment. It took about a week and a half to get the key from them, at which point, our landlords started moving things out of there that they had left behind. It was mostly garbage and nasty furniture. It took all week long, and they took out several pick up truck loads a day for the entire week. In the meantime, I began noticing little bites showing up on my arms and legs when I would wake up in the morning. They looked like mosquito bites. I had just installed a mosquito repellant app on my phone and I thought that it was malfunctioning. So, I uninstalled it. The bites continued.
One night, Craig killed a bug that was crawling on our headboard. He showed it to me and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was a bed bug. I told Craig I was not sleeping in the bed that night. I was sleeping on the couch. He could either stay in the bed or sleep on the other couch. He slept on the other couch.
What ensued after that was a battle with our landlords over what was going to be done about the bed bugs. (This is the short version) I began washing all of our clothes and bagging them. We cleaned out all of the bedrooms, encased all of the mattresses and put our headboard outside. The headboard ended up disappearing. We don't know if it was stolen, or if one of the guys who was cleaning next door took it to the dump. But it's gone. We vacuumed constantly. We pulled all beds away from the walls and, in various ways, fixed it so that any bugs could not climb up the legs of the beds. The bites stopped for a few days. And then they started again. This time, they were biting Matthew.
Our landlords insist that this problem is not THEIR problem. They told us that they would take money off of our rent but that they weren't going to pay to have anything done in the house (like heat treatment or an exterminator). They say that there's no way to prove that it was our neighbors who brought this problem on. But I know. And I know they do too.
It's been really tough. I feel like an outsider. I haven't hung out with my friends because I don't dare to have anyone come over. I haven't been able to make much money writing because of all the time I spend doing laundry, cleaning, etc. I haven't been able to go to church during the week. I've had to say no to two other jobs that would have earned me some money. Not to mention the psychological toll this has taken on me. My nerves on constantly on edge. Every time I feel anything (example: Dust particle) fall on my skin, I jump, thinking it's a bug. I just started going to sleep at night without tossing and turning for two or three hours first.
Yesterday we used a product our landlords bought us from Home Depot in an attempt to get rid of the bugs. I doused the entire house in this stuff. I was declaring Bible verses all through the house, casting out demons and telling them that our family was highly favored and Satan had to leave us alone.
I believe my God is bigger than this. I believe we have beaten these things and we are going to be free.
I'm so tired of dealing with this and I believe God has taken care of it. I don't believe this problem is going to stay with us forever. I believe God is more concerned about this than we are and that he has delivered us from these monsters. I BELIEVE.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods Before Me...
Why is it that when we quote certain Bible verses, they sound better or even just happen to come out in King James? Oh, well...I'm getting off track with this before I even start...
So, it has been brought to my attention (again) that I have a problem. I love sleep. I mean, I LOVE sleep. During my single days (both in college and after my separation) people would say to me, "Why do you sleep all the time?) It wasn't that I was depressed, although there might have been a point in my life when I was and sleep was a welcome escape...at least for a little while. Now things are much different. It's very rare to find me napping in the middle of the day when Caleb naps only because that's become the time I usually try and get my work done for the day. Now, my love for sleep has become pushing the snooze button a hundred times or telling myself at night that I'm going to get up nice and early so I can have some time to myself, only to re-set the alarm for the last possible second after it goes off the first time to help Craig get up for work.
I knew that this behavior had to stop. Not only was I standing in my own way of getting a lot of things done around the house, but I was also putting sleep into a position of being an idol in my life. So, Craig and I had a conversation about my wake up schedule the other night. He suggested (once again) that I get up when he does. That way, I'd be okay with going to bed when he does and I might actually learn how to fall asleep at a decent hour. It actually sounded pretty good to me. So, I agreed that he would wake me up in the mornings before he went downstairs to get ready for work.
Today was day number one of my early wake up mornings. When he woke me up, he turned the light on (I told him to do this ahead of time) and it took all of my might to make myself sit up. Because we had an interruption of our sleep last night (a pipe broke next door and we were jolted awake by loud banging on our front door at midnight so they could shut the water off), I was SOOOO not feelin' the early morning. But, I reminded myself that I could do anything one time, even if it meant waking up at 4:30 just to see how it goes.
"You need to get out of that bed. Don't sit there too long or you'll go back to sleep." Roger that. I got up and went downstairs. Craig was gone when I got downstairs and I was struck with a few thoughts:
Wow...it's peaceful right now.
That coffee smells great.
I need to do my devotions while it's quiet.
How much of my OWN writing can I get done in these early morning hours?
I fixed a cup of coffee and began spending time with Jesus. That time was sweet, indeed. It felt like the most absolute perfect way to begin my day. It had been a long time since I've sought the Lord in the early morning hours like that. After I had finished my breakfast, I started writing and I actually got two chapters finished--all before it was even time to wake the kids up for school!
This has been a great morning, so far. Yes, I'm a little tired. I might sneak in a tiny snooze this afternoon due to my abrupt wake up call last night at midnight. But...I might not too. I'm going to spend the rest of the morning hanging out with Caleb and doing a little bit of housework.
And I'm definitely going to look forward to these early morning hours from now on. This was a great idea, Honey.
So, it has been brought to my attention (again) that I have a problem. I love sleep. I mean, I LOVE sleep. During my single days (both in college and after my separation) people would say to me, "Why do you sleep all the time?) It wasn't that I was depressed, although there might have been a point in my life when I was and sleep was a welcome escape...at least for a little while. Now things are much different. It's very rare to find me napping in the middle of the day when Caleb naps only because that's become the time I usually try and get my work done for the day. Now, my love for sleep has become pushing the snooze button a hundred times or telling myself at night that I'm going to get up nice and early so I can have some time to myself, only to re-set the alarm for the last possible second after it goes off the first time to help Craig get up for work.
I knew that this behavior had to stop. Not only was I standing in my own way of getting a lot of things done around the house, but I was also putting sleep into a position of being an idol in my life. So, Craig and I had a conversation about my wake up schedule the other night. He suggested (once again) that I get up when he does. That way, I'd be okay with going to bed when he does and I might actually learn how to fall asleep at a decent hour. It actually sounded pretty good to me. So, I agreed that he would wake me up in the mornings before he went downstairs to get ready for work.
Today was day number one of my early wake up mornings. When he woke me up, he turned the light on (I told him to do this ahead of time) and it took all of my might to make myself sit up. Because we had an interruption of our sleep last night (a pipe broke next door and we were jolted awake by loud banging on our front door at midnight so they could shut the water off), I was SOOOO not feelin' the early morning. But, I reminded myself that I could do anything one time, even if it meant waking up at 4:30 just to see how it goes.
"You need to get out of that bed. Don't sit there too long or you'll go back to sleep." Roger that. I got up and went downstairs. Craig was gone when I got downstairs and I was struck with a few thoughts:
Wow...it's peaceful right now.
That coffee smells great.
I need to do my devotions while it's quiet.
How much of my OWN writing can I get done in these early morning hours?
I fixed a cup of coffee and began spending time with Jesus. That time was sweet, indeed. It felt like the most absolute perfect way to begin my day. It had been a long time since I've sought the Lord in the early morning hours like that. After I had finished my breakfast, I started writing and I actually got two chapters finished--all before it was even time to wake the kids up for school!
This has been a great morning, so far. Yes, I'm a little tired. I might sneak in a tiny snooze this afternoon due to my abrupt wake up call last night at midnight. But...I might not too. I'm going to spend the rest of the morning hanging out with Caleb and doing a little bit of housework.
And I'm definitely going to look forward to these early morning hours from now on. This was a great idea, Honey.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
I've Realized...
I think back to the beginning of March when I took that first step out of Dr. Addams' office. It took everything within me to just keep on walking. I was shaking and nervous and...I felt like I was going to faint. I had never done anything like that before. I've always been a good worker. I've always done my best to exceed the expectations of my manager. I just...I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't manage facing yet another "scolding" for doing something I didn't do, or for allowing something to happen that I had no control over. I'd done so every day for two months by that time. And I had had enough. For my own sanity, I had to get out of that place.
And then I came home. I walked in the house and it was quiet. Caleb was at the sitter's house and the older kids hadn't come home from school yet. In a panic, I sent out a flurry of resumes, despite the fact that Craig told me just to go home and relax and get myself together for a few hours before I had to go pick Caleb up. I felt like I was in a downward spiral and I didn't know what to do. I felt like I had just financially doomed my family.
And then...in steps God.
I was reminded in those moments that I was His kid. My prosperity didn't depend on whether or not Dr. Addams gave me a paycheck. That fact was further enforced a few weeks later when Dr. Addams decided not to pay me my final paycheck right after we just spent all of our money on a minivan. God knew exactly what I needed in those moments. And He immediately began showering me with His love in a way that only He can.
And now...here I am. It's almost three months later. I've been a stay at home mom, but I've also been a child of the King who has been revitalized and reminded of the calling that's been placed on my life. God instilled in me a gift to write. He has been building this passion in me since I was ten years old. Ever since I wrote my first two-page story about The Monkees, I had a dream to be a writer. God took my decision to leave that stifling job and turned it into an opportunity to bring my dreams closer to life than they have ever been before.
I've been writing for a company who provides SEO content to businesses for online distribution. I've written everything from costume descriptions to website content for dental offices. I've learned about air conditioning and plumbing and adult autism. And I've found that the more I write, the more I want to write.
On the days when the writing boards have been slow, or when the clients who've selected me to write specifically for them haven't had any work, I've been able to devote time to re-typing books I've written in the past. It's come to my attention (thanks to the Family Life Network) that publishing e books is a very lucrative, not to mention cheap, way to get your books into the hands of people who will pay to read them. And with the transition of the world into e everything, it's easy to see that e publishing really is the way to go. So, I'm working even more toward my dream.
And...as if that wasn't enough, I've been offered an opportunity to provide transcription services for a therapist who practices in Binghamton. It's only a few documents a week, but it will be a big help financially on those weeks when the job board is slow.
I am incredibly blessed. I am blessed, and I am favored. I'm so thankful for God's work in my life. I'm thankful that He picked me up when I "fell down" back in March. I'm thankful that He is the One taking care of me. I have no reason to fear. I'm a King's kid.
I'm still in awe of what is happening in my life right now. Craig asked me tonight if I was going to get "antsy" and want to return to a job outside the home once Caleb goes to school. He was incredibly relieved when my response was "No way!". That made me happy.
It's not that I've found my calling...I've just realized that I needed to answer it.
And then I came home. I walked in the house and it was quiet. Caleb was at the sitter's house and the older kids hadn't come home from school yet. In a panic, I sent out a flurry of resumes, despite the fact that Craig told me just to go home and relax and get myself together for a few hours before I had to go pick Caleb up. I felt like I was in a downward spiral and I didn't know what to do. I felt like I had just financially doomed my family.
And then...in steps God.
I was reminded in those moments that I was His kid. My prosperity didn't depend on whether or not Dr. Addams gave me a paycheck. That fact was further enforced a few weeks later when Dr. Addams decided not to pay me my final paycheck right after we just spent all of our money on a minivan. God knew exactly what I needed in those moments. And He immediately began showering me with His love in a way that only He can.
And now...here I am. It's almost three months later. I've been a stay at home mom, but I've also been a child of the King who has been revitalized and reminded of the calling that's been placed on my life. God instilled in me a gift to write. He has been building this passion in me since I was ten years old. Ever since I wrote my first two-page story about The Monkees, I had a dream to be a writer. God took my decision to leave that stifling job and turned it into an opportunity to bring my dreams closer to life than they have ever been before.
I've been writing for a company who provides SEO content to businesses for online distribution. I've written everything from costume descriptions to website content for dental offices. I've learned about air conditioning and plumbing and adult autism. And I've found that the more I write, the more I want to write.
On the days when the writing boards have been slow, or when the clients who've selected me to write specifically for them haven't had any work, I've been able to devote time to re-typing books I've written in the past. It's come to my attention (thanks to the Family Life Network) that publishing e books is a very lucrative, not to mention cheap, way to get your books into the hands of people who will pay to read them. And with the transition of the world into e everything, it's easy to see that e publishing really is the way to go. So, I'm working even more toward my dream.
And...as if that wasn't enough, I've been offered an opportunity to provide transcription services for a therapist who practices in Binghamton. It's only a few documents a week, but it will be a big help financially on those weeks when the job board is slow.
I am incredibly blessed. I am blessed, and I am favored. I'm so thankful for God's work in my life. I'm thankful that He picked me up when I "fell down" back in March. I'm thankful that He is the One taking care of me. I have no reason to fear. I'm a King's kid.
I'm still in awe of what is happening in my life right now. Craig asked me tonight if I was going to get "antsy" and want to return to a job outside the home once Caleb goes to school. He was incredibly relieved when my response was "No way!". That made me happy.
It's not that I've found my calling...I've just realized that I needed to answer it.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Feedback Is Appreciated
I am very interested in feedback from anyone who is willing to give me some.
I am currently involved in a few writing projects. One of them is a devotional book I wrote several years ago. The title is: Growing Down: The Secrets To Becoming Like A Child In A Very Grown Up World. I am in the process of getting this book ready for publication into the e-book world (Nook, Kindle, etc) and I thought I'd include a chapter here to whet the appetite of my potential audience and get some feedback. So, here it is! Feel free to leave me a message here on the post or just a comment or message on Facebook.
Enjoy!
Chapter Three: Children Appreciate The Little Things In Life
When is the last time you stopped and smelled the roses? If you close your eyes, can you imagine a rose? What color is it? What do the petals look like? Is it in full bloom? Is it a long-stemmed rose or a sweetheart rose? Does it have thorns? Leaves? Is it in a vase? Did it come from a store or from your garden?
If you’re like most people, you’re thinking, “What’s the big deal? It’s just a rose.” That’s because you’re not yet thinking like a child. Children notice and appreciate the little things in life.
I used to live only a few blocks from my parents’ house. Back then, it took us three minutes to get there by car. My husband’s long legs could get him there in ten minutes and my short ones could carry me there in fifteen. I can remember shortly after Cassidy’s second birthday, we decided that it would be fun to take a walk to Grandma’s house. The two of us were home alone and I thought, why not? We donned our jackets, I grabbed my purse and the diaper bag, and out the door we went.
Those fifteen minutes stretched into twenty, then thirty, then forty-five...their house wasn’t even in sight yet! It wasn’t completely because Cassidy had legs that were much shorter than mine. Sure, it took her longer to walk places, but the reason it took us almost an hour to get to Grandma’s house was because Cassidy kept stopping to admire the beauty of the creation that was all around her.
She marveled at the sticks she found. She picked up each one and carried it with her. In her other hand, she was gaining a sizeable collection of rocks. Before long, both of my pockets were full of rocks, and both of my hands were full of sticks. That way, Cassidy could concentrate on picking “flowers” (dandelions) for Grandma.
She stopped to pet a dog.
She stopped to admire a bright blue pick-up truck.
She sat and watched the water of a fountain as it traced crazy designs in the air.
She chased a squirrel.
She ran through a sprinkler.
She peered into a store window.
My daughter was enjoying the little things in her life. She was appreciating everything that was around her, not taking advantage of anything.
Sure, we both had handfuls of sticks and pockets full of rocks. The dandelions were staining her hands green and yellow. Yet, through all of this, Cassidy was blessed.
Applying This Principle To Your Life
We’ve talked about living a fun-filled life. If you’ve put that principle into action, you have no doubt noticed a change in yourself. Have you noticed any blessings?
As humans, we tend to notice the big blessings but we overlook the small ones. This is unfortunate because we have a great-big God who loves to work in big and in small ways to achieve great-big results. We tend to send our prayers to heaven much like we order fast food. And then we expect fast food-type answers. God doesn’t work that way. God is weaving an intricate pattern into your life that cannot be achieved through short cuts.
God doesn’t put tiny blessings into our lives so that we will ignore them while we wait for the big blessings. We have conditioned ourselves that “bigger is better”. This isn’t the case with God. It is God’s style to choose the underdog to fulfill his plans. He chose one man (Abraham) to build an entire race of people! And then, he called that entire race his chosen ones.
A day does not go by in your life when God does not bless you. Sometimes we miss blessings because we already have in mind what we think God is going to do for us. And then, when God chooses another way to bless us, we may miss it entirely or even become angry at God for not doing it our way.
What are some blessings God has given you today?
I’m blessed...
When my two-year-old son smiles at me.
When my husband pours my coffee in the morning.
When the laundry is done.
When my best friend calls just to chat.
When I get somewhere on time.
When Cassidy does the dishes.
When Matthew leads our family prayer time before we eat dinner.
Sure, there are big blessings. Like, when the budget balances. Or when God heals someone of an illness. We should definitely notice those and give praise to the God who made them possible. But when we ignore the small blessings, we’re missing a major part of what God has in store for us.
God is there when...
The rain holds off until you make it to your car.
A friend happens to stop by on the night you really need help getting the kids ready for bed.
A loved one is thinking of you and whispers your name in prayer.
You get “lost” when you’re driving, only to find out you’ve actually found a better way.
God wants to permeate every part of our lives. Oh, how important it is for us to let him fill our lives with his love and to notice those small blessings.
I can’t help but think back to the look that was on my mother’s face when Cassidy presented her with that big bouquet of dandelions. The joy I saw there reminded me of the joy that our Heavenly Father must feel when we notice his blessings blooming throughout our lives.
I think I’ll go out and pick some flowers with my daughter.
“How we praise God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we belong to Christ.” (Ephesians 1:3)
I am currently involved in a few writing projects. One of them is a devotional book I wrote several years ago. The title is: Growing Down: The Secrets To Becoming Like A Child In A Very Grown Up World. I am in the process of getting this book ready for publication into the e-book world (Nook, Kindle, etc) and I thought I'd include a chapter here to whet the appetite of my potential audience and get some feedback. So, here it is! Feel free to leave me a message here on the post or just a comment or message on Facebook.
Enjoy!
Chapter Three: Children Appreciate The Little Things In Life
When is the last time you stopped and smelled the roses? If you close your eyes, can you imagine a rose? What color is it? What do the petals look like? Is it in full bloom? Is it a long-stemmed rose or a sweetheart rose? Does it have thorns? Leaves? Is it in a vase? Did it come from a store or from your garden?
If you’re like most people, you’re thinking, “What’s the big deal? It’s just a rose.” That’s because you’re not yet thinking like a child. Children notice and appreciate the little things in life.
I used to live only a few blocks from my parents’ house. Back then, it took us three minutes to get there by car. My husband’s long legs could get him there in ten minutes and my short ones could carry me there in fifteen. I can remember shortly after Cassidy’s second birthday, we decided that it would be fun to take a walk to Grandma’s house. The two of us were home alone and I thought, why not? We donned our jackets, I grabbed my purse and the diaper bag, and out the door we went.
Those fifteen minutes stretched into twenty, then thirty, then forty-five...their house wasn’t even in sight yet! It wasn’t completely because Cassidy had legs that were much shorter than mine. Sure, it took her longer to walk places, but the reason it took us almost an hour to get to Grandma’s house was because Cassidy kept stopping to admire the beauty of the creation that was all around her.
She marveled at the sticks she found. She picked up each one and carried it with her. In her other hand, she was gaining a sizeable collection of rocks. Before long, both of my pockets were full of rocks, and both of my hands were full of sticks. That way, Cassidy could concentrate on picking “flowers” (dandelions) for Grandma.
She stopped to pet a dog.
She stopped to admire a bright blue pick-up truck.
She sat and watched the water of a fountain as it traced crazy designs in the air.
She chased a squirrel.
She ran through a sprinkler.
She peered into a store window.
My daughter was enjoying the little things in her life. She was appreciating everything that was around her, not taking advantage of anything.
Sure, we both had handfuls of sticks and pockets full of rocks. The dandelions were staining her hands green and yellow. Yet, through all of this, Cassidy was blessed.
Applying This Principle To Your Life
We’ve talked about living a fun-filled life. If you’ve put that principle into action, you have no doubt noticed a change in yourself. Have you noticed any blessings?
As humans, we tend to notice the big blessings but we overlook the small ones. This is unfortunate because we have a great-big God who loves to work in big and in small ways to achieve great-big results. We tend to send our prayers to heaven much like we order fast food. And then we expect fast food-type answers. God doesn’t work that way. God is weaving an intricate pattern into your life that cannot be achieved through short cuts.
God doesn’t put tiny blessings into our lives so that we will ignore them while we wait for the big blessings. We have conditioned ourselves that “bigger is better”. This isn’t the case with God. It is God’s style to choose the underdog to fulfill his plans. He chose one man (Abraham) to build an entire race of people! And then, he called that entire race his chosen ones.
A day does not go by in your life when God does not bless you. Sometimes we miss blessings because we already have in mind what we think God is going to do for us. And then, when God chooses another way to bless us, we may miss it entirely or even become angry at God for not doing it our way.
What are some blessings God has given you today?
I’m blessed...
When my two-year-old son smiles at me.
When my husband pours my coffee in the morning.
When the laundry is done.
When my best friend calls just to chat.
When I get somewhere on time.
When Cassidy does the dishes.
When Matthew leads our family prayer time before we eat dinner.
Sure, there are big blessings. Like, when the budget balances. Or when God heals someone of an illness. We should definitely notice those and give praise to the God who made them possible. But when we ignore the small blessings, we’re missing a major part of what God has in store for us.
God is there when...
The rain holds off until you make it to your car.
A friend happens to stop by on the night you really need help getting the kids ready for bed.
A loved one is thinking of you and whispers your name in prayer.
You get “lost” when you’re driving, only to find out you’ve actually found a better way.
God wants to permeate every part of our lives. Oh, how important it is for us to let him fill our lives with his love and to notice those small blessings.
I can’t help but think back to the look that was on my mother’s face when Cassidy presented her with that big bouquet of dandelions. The joy I saw there reminded me of the joy that our Heavenly Father must feel when we notice his blessings blooming throughout our lives.
I think I’ll go out and pick some flowers with my daughter.
“How we praise God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we belong to Christ.” (Ephesians 1:3)
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Self-Scrutiny
I am completely fascinated by the book I am reading right now for my devotion time. It's called Crazy Love: Overwhelmed By A Relentless God by Francis Chan. If you are not familiar with it, you need to stop reading this blog right now and get a copy. It's available on all e-devices as well as in print form.
From the moment I downloaded this book onto my Nook, I have been captivated and challenged by the incredible truths that it holds. The author practically dares you to delve deeper into your relationship with God. I am enjoying it so much in fact, from the very beginning of reading it, I have made myself read each chapter at least two times before moving on to the next chapter. And sometimes the truth of a single paragraph is so intense and so deep, that I have had to put the book down for the day and just medidate on what God would use those words to speak to my heart. This book is rich with Scripture and exploding with truth.
Right now, I'm working on getting through chapter 8, which is entitled "Profile Of The Obsessed". This is my second time reading this chapter and I think I'm going to proceed even slower this time so I the complete idea of what God is saying to me.
That word OBSESSED kind of makes us feel uncomfortable, doesn't it? It comes with a negative connotation and most of the time, it indicates an unhealthy desire. The definition of OBSESSED is: To have the mind excessively preoccupied with a single emotion or topic. The chapter goes on to explore what it means to be OBSESSED with Jesus. And I have to wonder to myself, Am I?
The answer is, I don't think I have been obsessed with Jesus. I'm not sure I ever have been. Well...OK. I take that back. There probably was a time, when I was a teenager, that I was obsessed with Jesus. But that obsession was built upon something entirely different than what I'm talking about right now. I had the priviledge of being a part of the most amazing youth group in the history of the church world. Those kids were my friends. My BEST friends. At the time, I lived to be with them. And the one common thing that we all had was that we had accepted Jesus as our Savior. My obsession with Jesus at that time was built upon the fact that the group I was a part of was also obsessed with Jesus because, well, Jesus was pretty cool.
Now that I've matured in both my relationship with God and in the way that I see who He is to me, I have a deep desire for that obsession. I'm not talking about how God has blessed me. If you follow my blog, you already know that He's blessed me more than I can tell you. But, I'm talking about being truly OBSESSED with God because of WHO HE IS. And not because of WHAT HE HAS DONE. I want to strive to be completely in love with Jesus. I want Jesus to be the Lover of my soul. I want Him to be the reason why I get up in the morning. I want the time that I get to spend with Him to be the most precious time of my day. I want every cent that I give to further the Kingdom of God to be akin to the amount of money you spend when you're shopping for the perfect engagement ring. The amount doesn't matter. The heart is what matters. And you'd go above and beyond for that person because of the deepness of your love for them, no matter what the cost. I want to have days where I just sit in praise to my King. Days when my TO-DO list goes undone because, aside from caring for my son, I just could not drag myself away from His amazing presence.
THAT is the kind of OBSESSION I am after. And I am being completely transparent before you all when I tell you that right now, I don't have that. But it's what I crave. And it's what I'm begging God for. I want the desire for that kind of OBSESSION with my Jesus to be all-encompassing. I want it to overtake every other emotion, feeling or thought that I might have.
And as I sit here typing this, my question to you is, when is the last time you took part in some real spiritual self-scrutiny? Is the type of OBSESSION I'm talking about appealing to you? Even if you don't have it right now, if you want it, it's available for you.
I don't know about you, but I want ALL that God has for me. Every last bit of it. And I will not rest, I will not stop asking Him for that desire for OBSESSION for Jesus.
Who's with me?
From the moment I downloaded this book onto my Nook, I have been captivated and challenged by the incredible truths that it holds. The author practically dares you to delve deeper into your relationship with God. I am enjoying it so much in fact, from the very beginning of reading it, I have made myself read each chapter at least two times before moving on to the next chapter. And sometimes the truth of a single paragraph is so intense and so deep, that I have had to put the book down for the day and just medidate on what God would use those words to speak to my heart. This book is rich with Scripture and exploding with truth.
Right now, I'm working on getting through chapter 8, which is entitled "Profile Of The Obsessed". This is my second time reading this chapter and I think I'm going to proceed even slower this time so I the complete idea of what God is saying to me.
That word OBSESSED kind of makes us feel uncomfortable, doesn't it? It comes with a negative connotation and most of the time, it indicates an unhealthy desire. The definition of OBSESSED is: To have the mind excessively preoccupied with a single emotion or topic. The chapter goes on to explore what it means to be OBSESSED with Jesus. And I have to wonder to myself, Am I?
The answer is, I don't think I have been obsessed with Jesus. I'm not sure I ever have been. Well...OK. I take that back. There probably was a time, when I was a teenager, that I was obsessed with Jesus. But that obsession was built upon something entirely different than what I'm talking about right now. I had the priviledge of being a part of the most amazing youth group in the history of the church world. Those kids were my friends. My BEST friends. At the time, I lived to be with them. And the one common thing that we all had was that we had accepted Jesus as our Savior. My obsession with Jesus at that time was built upon the fact that the group I was a part of was also obsessed with Jesus because, well, Jesus was pretty cool.
Now that I've matured in both my relationship with God and in the way that I see who He is to me, I have a deep desire for that obsession. I'm not talking about how God has blessed me. If you follow my blog, you already know that He's blessed me more than I can tell you. But, I'm talking about being truly OBSESSED with God because of WHO HE IS. And not because of WHAT HE HAS DONE. I want to strive to be completely in love with Jesus. I want Jesus to be the Lover of my soul. I want Him to be the reason why I get up in the morning. I want the time that I get to spend with Him to be the most precious time of my day. I want every cent that I give to further the Kingdom of God to be akin to the amount of money you spend when you're shopping for the perfect engagement ring. The amount doesn't matter. The heart is what matters. And you'd go above and beyond for that person because of the deepness of your love for them, no matter what the cost. I want to have days where I just sit in praise to my King. Days when my TO-DO list goes undone because, aside from caring for my son, I just could not drag myself away from His amazing presence.
THAT is the kind of OBSESSION I am after. And I am being completely transparent before you all when I tell you that right now, I don't have that. But it's what I crave. And it's what I'm begging God for. I want the desire for that kind of OBSESSION with my Jesus to be all-encompassing. I want it to overtake every other emotion, feeling or thought that I might have.
And as I sit here typing this, my question to you is, when is the last time you took part in some real spiritual self-scrutiny? Is the type of OBSESSION I'm talking about appealing to you? Even if you don't have it right now, if you want it, it's available for you.
I don't know about you, but I want ALL that God has for me. Every last bit of it. And I will not rest, I will not stop asking Him for that desire for OBSESSION for Jesus.
Who's with me?
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Testimony
When God comes through, He really comes through. His faithfulness is amazing. And He is always true to His Word.
This past Sunday, we attended church and I was given another opportunity to, yet again, allow God to show me His faithfulness. Craig and I are tithers. God has always taken care of our family when we were in need. And every single bump in the road that we've encountered has been a time for God to prove to us that He is our Provider.
At the end of the sermon this week, Pastor Spencer presented a piece of the vision for our church, which was to put up a beautiful sign on the building with our church name on it. I knew how much we had left in our account because I had just updated our checkbook that morning. But I distinctly heard God telling me to give almost all of what we had left. Before leaving the sanctuary, I found an envelope and wrote it out for the amount that God told me to give. Pastor prayed for a quick harvest for those who gave that morning for the sign. I agreed with that prayer. After all, we were going to need money to get through the week. But God is our Provider. If He wanted me to give that amount, He must have a plan.
Amazing things happen when you just do what God tells you to do. It's an incredible feeling just to step out on faith and KNOW that God will take care of you. This is a concept that means nothing to the world. My mind automatically came up with a list of things that I could do with that money this week. I thought about the stuff that I still needed to buy from the store. I thought, "What if Craig needs more money for gas before he gets paid again?" And then the suggestion came: "Well, I wish we could give. But we're just one of those families that can't give right now. God understands that." What if I had listened to those thoughts in my mind? What if I had walked out of church that day and not followed what God had directed me to do?
This afternoon, I watched as God turned that small seed into a BIG harvest. He took the small amount I gave that morning and multiplied it x10 right back into our checking account. I am still kind of reeling from the shock. But I'm not surprised. As I continue to be faithful to do what God tells me to do, I continue to see His power and provision amplified in our family. I think back to so many other times when God was faithful.
After I got divorced, I began praying for my future husband. I spent time writing love letters to him, a man I didn't even know. Yet, I believed that God had someone for me. Little by little, God began revealing to me little tidbits about the man He had picked out to be my husband; so much so, that by the time I would meet him, I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was my future husband. And when I met Craig, I knew.
God provided Craig with a job when he desperately needed one just to put a roof over our heads.
God answered my prayer for a baby by blessing me exactly how I asked Him to, in the year 2009, and He gave us Caleb. While I was pregnant, it was discovered that I had a 10cm tumor in my uterus. God healed that tumor and by the next ultrasound, it was nowhere to be seen. That little boy is a living testimony to the greatness of our God.
God provided us with a van when we needed one before Caleb was born. And He provided us again with a van when the first one was on it's last wheels.
When my dryer broke, God knew I had to have a dryer in order to do laundry for six people. I asked God for a dryer and then I thanked Him for a dryer. That week, God provided my dryer.
There are so many blessings I could list. I never want to lose sight of them. There is absolutely NO REASON not to trust that God has everything in His control. I have learned so much about faith and about trusting God to do what He says He will do.
There's another blessing in the works from my Heavenly Daddy. I'm not going to disclose it here right now. But you'll be hearing about it. Because God is good. His plans are perfect.
And because I'm His kid.
This past Sunday, we attended church and I was given another opportunity to, yet again, allow God to show me His faithfulness. Craig and I are tithers. God has always taken care of our family when we were in need. And every single bump in the road that we've encountered has been a time for God to prove to us that He is our Provider.
At the end of the sermon this week, Pastor Spencer presented a piece of the vision for our church, which was to put up a beautiful sign on the building with our church name on it. I knew how much we had left in our account because I had just updated our checkbook that morning. But I distinctly heard God telling me to give almost all of what we had left. Before leaving the sanctuary, I found an envelope and wrote it out for the amount that God told me to give. Pastor prayed for a quick harvest for those who gave that morning for the sign. I agreed with that prayer. After all, we were going to need money to get through the week. But God is our Provider. If He wanted me to give that amount, He must have a plan.
Amazing things happen when you just do what God tells you to do. It's an incredible feeling just to step out on faith and KNOW that God will take care of you. This is a concept that means nothing to the world. My mind automatically came up with a list of things that I could do with that money this week. I thought about the stuff that I still needed to buy from the store. I thought, "What if Craig needs more money for gas before he gets paid again?" And then the suggestion came: "Well, I wish we could give. But we're just one of those families that can't give right now. God understands that." What if I had listened to those thoughts in my mind? What if I had walked out of church that day and not followed what God had directed me to do?
This afternoon, I watched as God turned that small seed into a BIG harvest. He took the small amount I gave that morning and multiplied it x10 right back into our checking account. I am still kind of reeling from the shock. But I'm not surprised. As I continue to be faithful to do what God tells me to do, I continue to see His power and provision amplified in our family. I think back to so many other times when God was faithful.
After I got divorced, I began praying for my future husband. I spent time writing love letters to him, a man I didn't even know. Yet, I believed that God had someone for me. Little by little, God began revealing to me little tidbits about the man He had picked out to be my husband; so much so, that by the time I would meet him, I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was my future husband. And when I met Craig, I knew.
God provided Craig with a job when he desperately needed one just to put a roof over our heads.
God answered my prayer for a baby by blessing me exactly how I asked Him to, in the year 2009, and He gave us Caleb. While I was pregnant, it was discovered that I had a 10cm tumor in my uterus. God healed that tumor and by the next ultrasound, it was nowhere to be seen. That little boy is a living testimony to the greatness of our God.
God provided us with a van when we needed one before Caleb was born. And He provided us again with a van when the first one was on it's last wheels.
When my dryer broke, God knew I had to have a dryer in order to do laundry for six people. I asked God for a dryer and then I thanked Him for a dryer. That week, God provided my dryer.
There are so many blessings I could list. I never want to lose sight of them. There is absolutely NO REASON not to trust that God has everything in His control. I have learned so much about faith and about trusting God to do what He says He will do.
There's another blessing in the works from my Heavenly Daddy. I'm not going to disclose it here right now. But you'll be hearing about it. Because God is good. His plans are perfect.
And because I'm His kid.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Stretching My Creative Muscles
I felt that it was important to stretch my creative writing muscles, now that I'm writing factual content every day. I certainly wouldn't want to get weak in the area of coming up with entertaining and stimulating blog posts. That would be just terrible.
So, here I am. And I figured that maybe the best thing for me to write is just an update of how life is in these parts nowadays. The hardest part is figuring out where to start. Forgive me if these news updates are somewhat out of order. Sometimes stuff happens so fast and the blessings just come in droves. That having been said, let's get started.
The first awesome blessing was that I finally got my final paycheck from Dr. Addams. It took a report to the Department of Labor, but I got it. And the timing was perfect. We had a really large NYSEG bill due that must have been from the coldest part of the winter. The check was almost enough to cover the entire bill. That was a huge blessing. And I'm humbled by that blessing because I stressed out about it so much but, God knew exactly when we were going to need that money the most and He provided it at just the right time.
Secondly, we were really disheartened when we found out that we weren't going to get a refund from the state of Pennsylvania this year after we did our taxes. We had planned on getting a new minivan and really needed that money. Praise God, He provided the money we would need and He picked out just the right van for our family. And, to top it off, we ended up having our taxes done for free because of the mistake made by the company. So, we did get a little more money in our pockets. Even if we didn't get the refund. God provided, again, at just the right time.
I was given God-given inspiration to write almost as soon as I quit my job. I began writing a story, which I have dedicated in advance to the women who work at the Southern Tier Pregnancy Resource Center. The work they do there is so powerful and I think they go unnoticed by far too many people. I posted the first few chapters of my new book in the earlier posts of this blog. Check it out, if you haven't already. Along the lines of writing, I have started writing content for companies in need of articles for a website. This has been a very rewarding experience for me. Not only am I getting a paycheck to write, but I'm WRITING. And, that is so important when you're a writer. Too many writers sit and wait for the inspiration to come to them. The key is to write. Write anything! And suddenly, you're writing what you love.
I guess the final thing I'll report on is Cassidy's recent acceptance into the State National American Miss Pageant. We took her to Syracuse this past weekend for the Open Call and we received the phone call on Monday night that she got in. She is beyond thrilled and I can't wait to see how many doors this opens for her. She will have the opportunity to compete in Rochester in August and if she wins, she'll move on to the National Pageant in Hollywood. I don't want to get ahead of ourselves. But, we're so excited that she'll be learning so many awesome things just by attending the training they offer. She's blossoming into a beautiful young lady. I'm so proud of her.
Whew! I guess that's enough for now. Kids are healthy. I'm happy to be home. Craig is happy to have me home. And of course, God is good and ever-faithful. I can't ask for more than that.
So, here I am. And I figured that maybe the best thing for me to write is just an update of how life is in these parts nowadays. The hardest part is figuring out where to start. Forgive me if these news updates are somewhat out of order. Sometimes stuff happens so fast and the blessings just come in droves. That having been said, let's get started.
The first awesome blessing was that I finally got my final paycheck from Dr. Addams. It took a report to the Department of Labor, but I got it. And the timing was perfect. We had a really large NYSEG bill due that must have been from the coldest part of the winter. The check was almost enough to cover the entire bill. That was a huge blessing. And I'm humbled by that blessing because I stressed out about it so much but, God knew exactly when we were going to need that money the most and He provided it at just the right time.
Secondly, we were really disheartened when we found out that we weren't going to get a refund from the state of Pennsylvania this year after we did our taxes. We had planned on getting a new minivan and really needed that money. Praise God, He provided the money we would need and He picked out just the right van for our family. And, to top it off, we ended up having our taxes done for free because of the mistake made by the company. So, we did get a little more money in our pockets. Even if we didn't get the refund. God provided, again, at just the right time.
I was given God-given inspiration to write almost as soon as I quit my job. I began writing a story, which I have dedicated in advance to the women who work at the Southern Tier Pregnancy Resource Center. The work they do there is so powerful and I think they go unnoticed by far too many people. I posted the first few chapters of my new book in the earlier posts of this blog. Check it out, if you haven't already. Along the lines of writing, I have started writing content for companies in need of articles for a website. This has been a very rewarding experience for me. Not only am I getting a paycheck to write, but I'm WRITING. And, that is so important when you're a writer. Too many writers sit and wait for the inspiration to come to them. The key is to write. Write anything! And suddenly, you're writing what you love.
I guess the final thing I'll report on is Cassidy's recent acceptance into the State National American Miss Pageant. We took her to Syracuse this past weekend for the Open Call and we received the phone call on Monday night that she got in. She is beyond thrilled and I can't wait to see how many doors this opens for her. She will have the opportunity to compete in Rochester in August and if she wins, she'll move on to the National Pageant in Hollywood. I don't want to get ahead of ourselves. But, we're so excited that she'll be learning so many awesome things just by attending the training they offer. She's blossoming into a beautiful young lady. I'm so proud of her.
Whew! I guess that's enough for now. Kids are healthy. I'm happy to be home. Craig is happy to have me home. And of course, God is good and ever-faithful. I can't ask for more than that.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)