Getting Right With God Again

I'm writing this post this morning before getting any work done. Today isn't a particularly stressful day for me, as far as work goes. I should spend some time writing for BlogMutt, and I have one client who is waiting for blog posts for her blog and they're due on Friday. But first, I need to write about a few things that are happening in my spiritual life.

I've been struggling for about a week now. I seem to have caught a cold and it's causing me a lot of problems. Last night was, by far, the worst. I wasn't able to get to sleep for a long time because I kept coughing. I considered sleeping on the couch so I wouldn't wake Craig up, but then I decided that I would try taking some more cold medicine and some Benadryl to try and calm things down (not to mention knock myself out). It worked, and I slept for about four hours straight. Things were a big fitful after that.

I've also been working on losing weight. I started on March 21, 2013 and since then I've lost almost 17 pounds. I'm not thrilled with that amount, but I do look better than I've looked in a long time. It's nice to see myself on camera at church and not despise what I see. (If you'd like to follow my weight loss progress, I write a blog about that here.)

Here's the problem.

Last weekend, my best friend from college came to visit me. I hadn't seen her in a few years, and the last time I saw her, she was confined to a bed in a hospital room because of a cancer diagnosis. She had never met my husband, and she had not met my three-year-old son, despite the fact that I brought him with me when I went to visit her a little over three years ago. So, this visit was really special.

Up until she came to visit, I had really developed a great Bible-reading habit. I would do my devotions every morning with my cup of coffee nearby. Then, I would eat my breakfast and venture out to our back room and do my morning exercise. It had gotten to be a really great routine. However, when I had my friend here, I kind of fell off the wagon as far as the devotions part of the routine goes. I realized this morning that I hadn't done my own morning devotions in over a week. While I do read my Pastor's devotions on his blog, I know I need to be doing my own as well.

The result?

While I don't think God is punishing me, I do believe that I've been in disobedience to Him because I haven't been spending time with Him in the morning. I believe it's made Him sad, and I also believe it's brought me out from under the umbrella of His protection health-wise. So, I believe it's caused me to catch a cold, and I believe it's caused the scale to kind of hover over the same numbers for a few days. Granted, I do believe my scale is broken, I also think that it's given me a "ballpark" number that's been in a fairly downward trend since I started on my weight loss journey in March.

While it might seem that the logical answer would be to just resume my "habit", I'm amazed at how easy it was to fall away from that habit. I was thinking about that this morning while I was getting ready, and thinking about writing this post. Honestly, I don't believe that God wants us to develop a HABIT of spending time with Him. I think He wants us to desire to spend time with Him because we are looking forward to growing in relationship with Him. I think He's excited to spend time with us, and He wants us to feel the same way. Over the past few months, my habit of doing my devotions was akin to brushing my teeth.

I believe that I need to find a way to foster my relationship with God that doesn't revolve around telling myself that I need to read four chapters in the Bible every morning. I am not sure what I should do, but as I write this, I feel like God is telling me that He will tell me what I should do. My logic gets in the way a lot, come to think of it. My ideas usually aren't that good. However, when I lean upon my Daddy, and when I climb up into His lap and snuggle against His chest, great things happen. I love that.

I'm going to spend a few days listening to God's heart. I'll report back here in a few days and let you know where He's leading me. I do know that I want to go deeper in my relationship with Him. I know that involves more than a "religious" commitment to read my Bible.

Hmmm...I'm feeling better already!

God's Timing Is Perfect

Last night Craig and I were talking and the conversation drifted to when we first met each other. It's really amazing how it all came about, and to look at it now, it's obvious that in order for our lives to turn out the way they have, God's hand had to be on us so that we would meet at just the right time.

I had just given complete control over my dating life to God. After being in an abusive relationship for over a year, and after spending a few months falling in love with a man who lied to me about having a wife at home, I had made the decision that I was finished with online dating. It had only caused me pain and heartache. I knew that God had a plan for me, and that He didn't want me to be single forever. I resigned myself to wait on His plan to come to fruition in my life.

As a demonstration of my faith, I began writing letters to my future husband. At first, writing the letters was awkward. I didn't really know what to say. However, isn't that exactly what happens when you meet someone for the first time? I started by introducing myself and telling him that I was praying for him. I wanted him to know that I loved him and that I was setting myself aside for him until God brought him into my life. As I wrote, I grew to learn all about this man who would be my future husband. Certain details became clear to me. I knew that he lived in the Binghamton, NY area. I knew that he had blue eyes. I knew he was tall with dark hair. I was beginning to fall for him. I thanked God for revealing these little details to me. I knew that when I finally met him, I would know it was him. That was such a blessing God gave me, especially after all that I had been through.

I remember the day that I felt God telling me to go online and look for this man. He told me to go to a specific website: relationships.com. It's not even an active site anymore. He told me that I would find him there, and that he would have contact information snuck into his profile, so I wouldn't have to pay anything to talk to him.

I went onto the site and when I saw him, my heart jumped into my throat. He was so handsome. I knew he would have blue eyes...but I didn't know they would be so beautiful and bright. I saw the contact information in his profile and since it was a Yahoo ID, I assumed that he must use Yahoo messenger. I sent him an instant message, and then I waited.

Little did I know, he didn't use Yahoo messenger. He had put his email address in his profile. Even so, God is greater than our assumptions. The next day, he was emailing with another girl and she asked him to install Yahoo messenger so they could talk there. He did install it, and when he did, my message popped up on his screen. He answered me, and we started talking. We talked for two hours online that day, during which time I became so engrossed in our conversation that the dinner I was making caught fire in the kitchen and I had to go put it out with a fire extinguisher! At that point, I signed off and gave him my phone number. He called me soon after, and we made arrangements to go out that coming Saturday night.

Each day leading up to Saturday, we would text each other and talk on the phone. Our anticipation was growing, and I could not wait to meet this amazing man.

Saturday arrived and I took my kids to my parents' house early that day. I wanted to give myself plenty of time to get ready for what I was sure was going to be the last first date I ever had. I baked him some cookies and then got ready for my date. When he called to say he was going to be a little late because he was helping some friends move, I wasn't sure if I should be relieved or disappointed because I was so nervous.

As it turned out, he was only about a half an hour late, and part of that was because he stopped at the grocery store down the street to buy me three white roses. He parked his car across the street from my house, and I watched him through the window as he crossed and approached my front door. I let him in and I couldn't believe how good he smelled. When I looked into his eyes, I knew he was my future husband. He asked me if he could have a hug, and I wrapped my arms around him. I had never felt anything so wonderful in all my life. He held me so tight, and it felt like I belonged in his arms.

That night was the beginning of the most amazing relationship I have ever known, apart from my relationship with God. We instantly became a part of each other's lives. After our date (which lasted 24 hours, only because of an ice storm), it became clear that we were meant for each other.

God's timing is perfect.

God used Craig to save me and my little family. My son Matthew was beginning to get out of control. At four years old, he was disobedient and headstrong. I was suffering from a back injury, and punishing him was difficult for me. Cassidy was beginning to display the effects of not having her father present, and at seven years old, I had already gotten phone calls from her teacher that she was chasing the boys around the classroom and the playground. Craig's transition into our family was seamless. The kids treated him like a dad, almost from the beginning. He treated them like his kids from the beginning too.

Little did we know, as our dating relationship progressed, there was a woman closer to Craig's home city who was pregnant with his child. A mistake he had made the month before we met resulted in a pregnancy. Craig had been starting down a road that might have led to him backsliding in his faith. When he met me, he says I helped him realize the type of man he wanted to become. He placed God back in the center of his life, and we began planning our future together. Of course, we were still unaware of the baby that would soon be born.

God's timing is perfect.

It was a whirlwind romance. We got married in June that year, and planned a larger celebration wedding for August. We took our honeymoon in August as well, venturing to Florida and embarking on a Caribbean cruise while we were there. Upon our return home, we had to get ready to move into another house. Only three days after our honeymoon ended, we would be moving.

After we moved to our new home, Craig was in the backyard when he received the phone call telling him he had a son. He was devastated. He thought he had been so careful. He didn't want to have to deal with having a child to another woman. What's worse, he had no idea how I was going to react. Would his indiscretion tear our family apart?

God's timing is perfect.

When he told me about the phone call, I remember he had asked me to sit down. He was pacing in our driveway and shaking like a leaf. He told me the news and I took him in my arms. I told him that I loved him and I also told him that sometimes when people have sex, the result is a baby. I asked him if I could call the mother and reassure her that we would help her in any way that we could.

To this day, JJ remains a blessing to our family. He's five years old now, and when he comes to visit the energy in our house doubles in intensity. That's okay. We love him to pieces, and I'm so glad that God gave us this little surprise.

Can you see how God's hand worked through all of this? Not only was God orchestrating every minute of our connecting online, but he also orchestrated our relationship and facilitated our marriage before Craig found out about JJ. Every little piece of the puzzle had to be there in order for it to work.

God is so good. I'm so glad that he's in control of my life and that he gave me the most incredible family I could have ever asked for. God has a plan for each and every one of us. If you're reading this and you don't know Jesus as your Savior, you're missing out on that incredible plan. Let God write the rest of your life story. His endings are so much better than ours, because...

God's timing is perfect. 

Patience In Business

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens..." Ecclesiastes 3:1

As I wrote in my last blog post, I believe that God is in the process of prospering my family through my business.  I'm excited about where I'm headed, and about all God has done to promote me over the past year.  It is truly remarkable, to think about all that I've learned and how I've grown.

As I go forward, I do struggle.  If you follow my blog, I don't want you to think that everything is sunshine and roses.  It's been a long, hard process for me to get to this point.  I'm still dealing with issues.  At first, I dealt with a lack of clients.  It was just a complete lack.  It took me a few months to get some buzz going about what I was doing.  Then, once the buzz was going, I was contacted by a few people who wanted me to do some work for them.  One of those people panned out, and I'm thankful for Dan and Rose Flatt of Multi Media Business Printers.  Since then, and since I learned how to wait for God to bring me the clients, I have started, yet another challenging time.

It's difficult to create time to meet with clients (especially with a toddler at home, and only one vehicle for our family), but I do it.  Of all the client meetings I've had (except for Dan and Rose), I have yet to have someone smile at me and say, "Yes, I want you to work with us.  Here is a check for $XXX)".  I've had potential clients who talked about it...but I haven't received any money yet.  Now, for some of them, they are simply waiting on funding to be available to work with me.  I understand that.  But my controlling nature still wants to move things forward more quickly.

That's my biggest struggle.

I was thinking about my struggling tonight and God spoke to my heart.  He reminded me that He is in control of this.  I gave it to Him, so I need to let Him handle it.  The truth is, I have no idea what these businesses are going through in their own struggles.  Every business owner has struggles, whether they're financial, or internal with their employees, or something else altogether.  There have been some potential clients that have asked me to contact them and they haven't gotten back to me.  That's OK.  I believe there's a reason for that.  I believe that I probably won't ever know the reason.  But, I also believe that I will trust in God to take care of my business.  I'm believing him to weed out the clients who might not want to pay me (like the guy in England who asked me for a contract but never got back to me after I talked about money).  I don't want to chase clients down.  I want them to want to work with me, so we have a good working relationship.  I want to create great change and promotion for their businesses.  I want to do my work with the highest degree of integrity there is.

So, even though I'm growing more successful every day, it's going slow.  I know I still have some things to learn, and perhaps God is even waiting for me to perfect those things so that when I do get that first big check, I'll be ready to take on the challenge.  I am fortunate because He's already shared His plan for my life with me.  I know He wants to bless me in my writing.  He's given me a gift, and I want Him to use it for His glory.

I can be patient as I wait for His perfect plan to unfold.  His perfect plan is always better than my botched-together plan, anyway.

God's Blessings Are Right On Time

I never cease to be blown away by the goodness of God.

I started my content writing business in November 2012.  I was so excited.  I had learned so many great things about SEO from writing for Blogmutt and for Interact Media.  I was thrilled to get started on writing some copy for businesses in our area.  So, I went through all the steps of setting up your own business, and I started emailing businesses and sending out letters.  I waited.  I waited a long time, actually.  Nothing was happening, and I was frustrated.

I went to God, and I questioned him.  I asked him why this was happening.  What was taking so long?  Why was no one contacting me, if this was supposed to be what I did with my life and my writing?  I was so passionate about what I wanted and about what I could do for our area businesses.

God answered me.

He told me that he had led me to this place in my life, but I was taking control over it.  Much like I had taken control over other parts my life in the past and those things ended up being disasters.  He told me that I needed to do the things that I learned brought in good clients, which are writing blog posts on my website and sharing those posts on social media.  He then told me to keep up my writing at Blogmutt and Interact Media, and he promised me that he would take care of the clients for my business.

So, I did.

Man, was it hard!  I kept wanting to do things, to reach out to people.  When I was asked about my business, of course I answered questions.  I went on consultation appointments when they were requested.  But, I stopped doing the "cold calling" that I was doing.  The consultation appointments I had weren't amounting to much, and the temptation to say, "God, this isn't working" was there, but I never gave in to it.  God said he was taking care of it.  I knew that I was (am) a tither and that God's Word is true.  I was just waiting on that outpouring of blessings in my life.

I believe the outpouring is beginning.

Yesterday, I had a consultation with a restaurant in Corning.  I don't know if it's because I love restaurants, or if it has something to do with what Craig does for a living, but I've wanted to work with restaurants since I got this vision for local SEO.  I had a really great meeting with this particular restaurant owner.  I went into the meeting knowing that he had a certain set of views about the importance of social media over his website, and I was able to change his mind.  I know God gave me those words.  I know he opened up the opportunity for me.

Not only was I able to make him see that his website was just as important as social media and that the two go hand in hand when it comes to Internet marketing, but I was also able to convince him that a redesign of his website was in order.  He didn't balk at my prices, and he even said they were very reasonable, and that he would rather spend his marketing money with me than with the yellow pages and other advertising methods that weren't working.

He was interested in everything I said he should do.  For the first time, I was able to experience the feeling of a truly successful consultation session with a potential client.  When he showed me around the restaurant after our meeting, he introduced me to some of his staff as "Nicole, the person who is going to be helping us with our Internet marketing from now on."  He told me to go home and look at his website and work up a quote for him.  I did that yesterday, and I emailed it to him.  Right before I left, he looked me in the eye and he said, "Just so you know...I know a lot of people.  A LOT of people.  If you do a good job for me, I can get you more clients easily."

Talk about blown away!

Obedience to God pays off.  It pays off big time.  I would have never dreamed I'd be here, in this place, at this time last year.  In fact, last February, I was still working for Dr. Addams.  I was desperately trying to juggle handling all of her office responsibilities, and failing miserably at it.  I was being verbally and emotionally abused every day.  I've never felt so free in my life as I do right now.

Thank you, Lord.  Thank you for knowing when the right time to bless us is.  We don't always think you're right on time.  But you are.  I believe it.  And I trust you with every piece of my life, knowing that you always have a better plan for me than I could ever have for myself.

God Is My Healer

2 Corinthians 4:8-9:  We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

Last month I got a flu shot.  I was pressured incredibly by my mom, who couldn't believe I hadn't gotten it yet.  Everyone in my house had gotten it, but I rarely go anywhere, so I thought it would probably be okay if I didn't.  I finally gave in though, after being told I should "really get it because the flu is bad this year."  A week later, I got sick with something that resembled the flu.

I don't think I've ever been so sick.  It was awful.  There aren't many times when I have to call my best friend and say, "Hey, can you come and take care of Caleb? And make dinner for my family?  I feel like I'm going to die."  But that's exactly how I felt.  And she did.  God bless her.

I felt awful for about a week.  Then I started to come out of it.  I was still coughing, but with a little NyQuil I was sleeping okay.  Then I started feeling worse again.  The coughing picked up in frequency and severity, and the NyQuil stopped working.  In fact, it stopped even making me tired.  It did nothing for the cough.  I spent one night sleeping on and off.  The next night I ended up evicting myself from our bedroom so I didn't bother Craig.  I took up residence on the couch and slept on and off again.  He woke me up when he got up and sent me to our bedroom to finish the night there.

That was yesterday morning.  Yesterday I knew something had to be done.  I couldn't go on like this.  My clients are still needing work from me, and I don't have sick days.  I'm sure if I had needed to ask for more time from my clients, I would have been given it.  But, integrity is an important thing to me, and I hate asking to extend a deadline.  So, I pressed on.  I told Craig I needed to go to the doctor, and yesterday, he took me.

Thank God.

I was told that I did have the flu when I was sick a month ago, and in fact, I'm just now coming to the end of it.  However, in the mean time, the flu has birthed a double ear infection, bronchitis and a sinus infection.  I was given an antibiotic and cough medicine with codeine in it, or as I like to call it, miracle sleeping cough medicine.

Yesterday I spent some time reading healing verses out loud.  I declared them over my life, and I asked my Pastor to agree with me in prayer that I was going to be victorious over this sickness.  I'm so sick of being sick, and feeling yucky all the time.  I know that sometimes God uses doctors and medicine to heal.  I knew in my spirit that it was time to seek that out.  I am believing that God is going to take that medicine and move it through my body quickly, resulting in a fast recovery from this.

I know this is an attack from the enemy because it seems to happen when my work and my business start to take off.  I'm getting more work than ever, and I have clients for my business now.  God is prospering me and Satan knows what our intentions are with the money I'm going to make.  He doesn't want me prospered.  Well, my God is bigger.  My God is able.  My God is my Healer and my Protector.  My God is my Provider.  Satan already knows he lost.  He's lost this battle too.

I am choosing to believe in the Word of my God.

Disturbed

This morning, I'm disturbed.  When I'm disturbed, it helps me to write about it.  So, here I am, meeting with you today.

One of my Facebook friends (actually, a local radio personality) posted an article about Ashley Madison.  The article really rubbed me the wrong way.  I'll rehash it for you.

If you're not sure what Ashley Madison is, their tagline is, "Life is short.  Have an affair."  It's a dating site for married people.  Basically, you sign up and then you have a chance to meet other married people for the purpose of having an affair.

And we wonder why marriages are failing every day?

In the article, a woman discusses the site with her friend, who is using it to meet men outside of her marriage. The woman decides that her marriage isn't everything she'd like it to be either, and thinks that it might be a good idea to check out Ashley Madison for herself.  From the sounds of things, her sex life isn't very good.  While she and her husband used to have sex three times a week, now they're having sex once a week...maybe.  And when they do have sex, it's quite predictable.  She's not getting any younger, and she thinks that having an affair might help her feel better about herself.

She meets a few different men, none of whom are the type of man she's really looking for.  Her new job has longer hours, which gives her an excuse to give her husband for why she's not home at a decent hour.  Of course, he's taking care of the children while she's out dating other men.

Finally, she meets a man who is a doctor.  He's handsome, and he looks younger than his stated age of 43.  They hit it off and decide to get a hotel room for their first romantic tryst.  When she arrives at the hotel room, they go through the motions of having their first sexual encounter, however he isn't able to "perform".  A few weeks later, they try again and it's another failure.

In the end, she decides that what she has at home is good enough, and she doesn't want to lose her husband, her children, her home, or their cottage at the lake.

Well, isn't that a lovely way for this article to end?

It makes me sick.

I've been the victim of infidelity in marriage.  Let me tell you...it's the worst feeling ever to know your husband has been cheating on you.  I've never felt so betrayed in all my life.  Once I was able to reassure myself that I hadn't contracted an STD from his affair, I had to heal from the hurt of not being good enough for him.  I had to help my small children through the situations they were facing with a looming divorce.  I had to work through my own feelings of self-worth and being able to trust someone again.

Anyone who turns to something like Ashley Madison for an affair (or anyone who simply has an affair) is a coward.  Not only that, but they're also lazy.  It takes two people to keep a marriage working, not one.  And you know what?  Sometimes when one person isn't giving enough of themselves to the marriage, you have to do their work for them too.  Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition, and people who believe that it is will get divorced.  Being married means giving 100% of yourself.  And in those times when you can't, your partner should be giving 100% to make up for what you're lacking.

If you're struggling in your marriage, I want to encourage you to do something about it.  Sit down and have a talk with your spouse about what you're feeling.  If you're not having enough sex, tell them.  If money issues are plaguing you, bring them out into the open.  When you take the time to have a conversation with your spouse, you'll be amazed at what you can learn about each other.

When you married your husband or wife, you took vows to stick by that person until death do you part.  Assuming that there's no abuse in your marriage, those are vows you should keep.  There is absolutely nothing that would cause me to break my vows to my husband.

Was I at fault for my first marriage failing?  I believe I did the best I could at the time.  However, I also believe there are some things I could have done better.  Looking back on it, I know that ultimately he was not willing to get help for his problems.  These are problems that are still issues for him to this day.  His second marriage has already failed.  Mine has only gotten stronger over the past six years.

I'll close with this...

If you've considered having an affair, don't.  The pain you'll endure isn't worth it.  The guilt will drive you crazy.  Instead, think of the person you made vows to.  Look back and remember what it is that made you fall in love with that person in the first place.  If your marriage is broken, don't throw it away.  Fix it.

Do it today.

Procrastination

I have to be honest with myself.  I struggle with procrastination.  Each day, I find it difficult to get out of bed. I'm not sure why that is, but I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that it's difficult for me to get to sleep at night.  That's not entirely "nature's" fault.  Sometimes I spend too much time on my cell phone, reading ads on Craigslist or looking at Facebook.  Last night, I couldn't believe when a whole hour just flew by and I was still looking at stuff on my phone.  Of course, Craig is sleeping beside me...he falls asleep so fast.  Last night I think it was record speed-about 90 seconds.

Each day I struggle.  I was doing pretty good for most of this week.  I was showered and dressed by the time Matt went to school.  Today...not so much.  In fact, I'm still in my pajamas.  I'm planning on taking a shower when Caleb goes down for his nap.  Then I'll have to spend some time writing.  I'm just not feeling it today.  I don't know why.  It's kind of a blah day.

I know I need to start spending more time in prayer.  I kind of feel like my spirit is tired.  There's so much going wrong in the world right now, and I think it's messing with me a little bit.  I don't usually pay too much attention to the news.  Craig is good about filling me in on stuff.

I don't want to rehash all of that stuff here.  Nor do I want to go over it in my mind.  I just know I need some motivation.  Somehow.  I'm just struggling today...

Making The Most Of Every Opportunity

Colossians 4:5-6 says, "Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

I realize that as I write this, I'm taking a portion of this verse of out context.  But this particular portion spoke to my heart this morning when I considered some of the things I had heard or read.  There was a word that also kept repeating itself in my mind.  Prayer.

I will be the first to admit that my prayer life isn't everything I would like it to be.  I think there are many reasons behind that, but they all only add up to a bunch of excuses.  I should be praying way more than I do.  And to say, "My work keeps me so busy" or "I slept really late so I got behind on other things", just doesn't cut it.

The first instance I saw this morning was a Facebook friend saying, "I'm up way too early.  Grrrrr."  My instant thought was, "God wants you to pray!"  I didn't say that to her...I probably should have.  Second, my best friend from college told me this morning that her father was just diagnosed with prostate cancer.  My first thought was, "Pray for healing!"  While I was talking to her, my husband texted me and told me that the truck he was driving today broke down and he has to wait for someone to come and fix it.  I just texted him and told him that I felt like God wanted him to use this time to pray.

How often do things happen that we consider inconveniences in our lives (or even tragedies), and all God wants is for us to stop for a second and talk to Him?

According to Scripture, we're supposed to make the most of every opportunity.  In this particular passage, I know God is talking about being a witness for Him to other people.  But what about other opportunities we're presented with?  Are we making the most of those opportunities?

I'm talking to myself as much as I'm talking to anyone else.  So, please don't feel that I'm pointing my finger at you.

When I'm sitting in the doctor's office waiting for an appointment, do I make the most of that opportunity?  Do I read the Bible on the app on my phone?  Or do I sit there and play games?  How about when I'm sitting on the couch while my husband is watching something that only he likes on television?  Or when I am at the store and I see someone who needs help?  There are a million different scenarios and a million different opportunities.  I'm not saying I need to completely stop everything that isn't "Godly".  For instance, I don't really think God cares if I play the "Bubble Pop" game on my phone.  But, each of those things has their place.  Facebook has its place.  My business blog has its place.  My clients have their place.  None of them should take the place of God.

Sometimes God creates times for us when we'll want to spend a few minutes with Him.  Time that's out of the ordinary time.  I spent time with God this morning when I did my devotions.  It was beautiful, rich time.  But when He calls my name today because He wants me to be with Him again...will I be listening?

I'm going to work on that.  I hope you will too.

Biblical Womanhood

It took me a long time to arrive at the place where I am today.

I ran away from God's plans for me for a long time.  I'm not even sure why.  God's desires were ultimately my desires for me.  I wanted to be a writer since I was ten years old.  Ever since I penned that first four page story that featured myself, my best friend Heather, and Davy Jones.  I wrote more of those types of stories than I can count.  Then I began writing what I referred to as "Monkees Notes" where I would write about different aspects of The Monkees.  I didn't realize it at the time, of course, but I know now that I was writing  my own version of news articles.

As my tastes grew older, my writing grew too.  I still wrote what is referred to now as "Fan Fiction" featuring myself, my friends and my favorite music groups (New Kids On The Block, dcTalk, etc.), but before long I began writing real fiction.  Stories I created in my mind about different characters that didn't have anything to do with any of my friends.  I wrote all of these stories long-hand.  Each Wednesday night when our youth group had our weekly meeting, I would bring my notebook with me and it would get confiscated as soon as I got on the church van.  It would get passed around and the pages read as we picked up other kids.  On the way home, I would be the last stop on the route, which allowed for all of my friends to have a go at reading the next section of my story.

After I got married (the first time) I wrote my first "book".  I wrote it long-hand as well, but typed it was over three hundred pages.  It was a remarkable love story.  I wanted so badly for it to get published...

But I never even tried to find a publisher.

I think I doubted God.  I thought that my dreams were only dreams and there was no way that I could ever really become someone that got paid for writing.  I continued through college and struggled through my marriage.  I still wrote.  I wrote many stories that had beginnings but no endings.  And then one day I got an idea for a new story and in my mind, it was a story that was begging to be written.

That was Drop By Nine Spoonfuls.

If you've never read Drop By Nine Spoonfuls, you should.  I don't say that because it's mine.  I say it because that was the first book I ever had published.  Yes, it was a "vanity" publisher who I wholeheartedly believe scammed me.  But, it felt good to have someone believe in my abilities to write.  So, I signed the contract and prayed for the best.

But I continued on in my secular job.  I continued working in the world with the "dream" of being a writer in the back of my mind.  You would think that it would be a clue that I was doing the wrong thing when doing copywriting-type work was a part of every job I did.  It wasn't much, but in each position I held, I was constantly being asked to look something over for grammar or write this or that for a newsletter.

I still didn't have any idea what it meant to do what God wanted me to do in my life.  I knew what I loved.  But it took a huge blow for me to get it through my head that God wanted me writing NOW.  It took me walking out on my job one day in the beginning of March before God could get a hold of me.  It was quite a situation.  But He sure did get my attention.

For the longest time I thought that being a Godly woman meant that I did the best I could to help my husband take care of our family.  For me, it meant different things for a while.  There was a season where it meant holding down a full time job because my husband (my first husband) constantly jumped from job to job.

There was a season where it meant staying home and taking care of my house and kids.

There was a season where it meant working a 32-hour a week job doing Christian ministry.

There was a season where it meant that someone was so desperate to have me working for them that they offered me an incredible supervisor job with lots of perks.

But none of those things was what God had in mind for me.

If I had been smart, and if I had just stopped for a second and listened to the heart of God, I would have realized what God wanted me to do.  I do wonder where I would be today if I had just taken some time to listen to Him then.  But, I know that God's timing is perfect.  I know I am exactly where He wants me to be.

Now, I have three published books.  I've cancelled the contract on that "vanity" published book and am working on getting it published electronically, like my other two books.  I'm working some of the greatest clients in the country (in my opinion, anyway) providing them with website content.  I'm highly esteemed by my clients and my work is sought-after by them.

And I LOVE doing it.

I feel God's blessing on my work now.  I work while I'm sitting at my dining room table.  While my son plays next to me on the floor.  I can stop when I want to, and I can play with him.  And some mornings that's what we do.  I'm here when my older children get home from school.  I'm here when my husband gets home from work.  And quite often, he has clean clothes and dinner is on the table for him.  Not all the time, of course.  But I do my best.  And he knows that.

And you know what?  Doing what I'm doing now is showcasing my God-given talents.  And it's helping my husband incredibly.

It's taken me a long time.  But I've figured out what Biblical womanhood means for me.  It's following God's plan for my life, using the talents He's blessed me with, and constantly finding myself in the center of His Will.

It's a great place to be.

The Appeasement Of Prayer

Matthew 25: 35-40 says, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’"

We should all be ashamed of ourselves.  

We're all guilty of it, at one time or another.  Someone comes to us with a need and what do we do?  We don't take the time to consider whether or not we can help with the need.  Instead, we assure our brother or sister (or friend, or even STRANGER) that we'll pray for them.  Do we?  I don't know.  Sometimes I suppose we probably do.  If we remember to.  Other times...well, we mean well.  But we forget.  

Since when did the church stop being the church?  And since when did prayer become the substitute for actually doing something to help people who truly need help?  

As I write this post, I'm pretty fired up.  I had the opportunity this past week to witness someone who truly needed help.  She was lost and alone and abandoned by many of the people in her life she thought once loved her.  Her mother approached her church to get help for her and the church turned her down.  

I'm past being angry.

Now, don't get me wrong.  Prayer is important.  I'm not saying it's not.  Prayer is essential in fact.  Especially when you're dealing with the situation this girl is currently in, where her very soul is at stake.  But this church had the opportunity to do more than pray.  They had the opportunity to do more than provide a token gesture as way to appease her for a little while.  This church had the opportunity to change her life.  They had the opportunity to draw her to God; to allow her to climb up in the lap of her Daddy and realize that He really is taking care of her after all.  Even in the midst of the mess.

They chose not to.

I would be embarrassed if that were my church.  I'm so glad it's not.  No...in fact, my church did just the opposite of this church.  I posted a specific need for this girl in the groups that my church has on Facebook.  Within minutes, the need was met.  By the end of the day, the need was surpassed.  And it was done by people who had never even laid eyes on this girl...in fact they don't even know her first name.  

Consider Jesus.  How many people do you think approached Him on a daily basis with needs?  Although there are many mentioned in the Bible, my guess is that there were many more than that.  How many times did Jesus tell them that He would pray for them and then walk away?  

None.

Instead, He met their needs.  He took them in His arms and He loved them.  So, what I can't understand is...why do we think it's okay to simply pat people on the back and tell them that we'll pray for them without once thinking about meeting their needs?  

It's NOT okay.  

When this need was presented to me, I knew that I couldn't meet it.  I didn't have the finances to meet it myself.  But, I knew who COULD meet it.  And I knew who WOULD meet it.  It wasn't hard.  And it only took a few minutes.  

This is something that we as Christians need to change about ourselves.  Jesus Himself said that when you don't take the time to help your brother or sister in need, you will be separated from Him in heaven.  I don't know about you, but I don't want to be separated from Him.  I want to give where I can.  I want to help when I can help.  I want to love people the way that Jesus loves people--without expecting anything in return.  

I keep being led back to the song by Tait, "Talk About Jesus".  It's an incredible song and I wanted to add it here.  I think it really drives my point home.  Take a minute and watch this video.  And then take some steps to get out of your comfort zone and help someone around you who needs help.  Just like Jesus did.

Don't Settle For A Hobo Gospel

Yesterday I was doing my devotions and a verse jumped out at me from the page.  It's found in Acts 17:11: "And the people of Berea were more open-minded than those in Thessalonica, and they listened eagerly to Paul's message.  They searched the Scriptures day after day to check up on Paul and Silas, to see if they were really teaching the truth."

I can't begin to emphasize how important it is to check information out for yourself.  Yesterday one of my Facebook friends posted about an evangelist who had been preaching a word that was contrary to the Word of God, full of evil and hate.  People were following him, as if he was preaching the Word.  I'm sure that happens all of the time in this country, but it doesn't have to if people will search the Scriptures themselves.

I've never had a Pastor tell me that I needed to check up on him and make sure that what he's preaching is solid teaching, directly from the Scriptures.  That is, until I started attending His Tabernacle.  Now, I do check up on our Pastor.  And I've never found an instance where he was wrong.  Sadly, that's not the case for many churches.  And I know...I've been a part of a house where the teaching wasn't exactly 100% up to par.

I've learned many things in my Christian walk during the past 21 years that I've been saved.  And one thing I know for sure is that as Christians, we can't assume that every Pastor, every teacher, every Evangelist is giving us instruction that's from God's Word.  Just because someone gave that person the authority to stand before a group of people and teach/preach, doesn't make that person right.

So, when someone tells you that healing is only done if God wills that it be done...check that out with the Word.  Your faith releases God's healing power.
When someone tells you that speaking in tongues isn't for THIS generation, that it stopped with the church in Acts...check that out with the Word.  God's gifts ARE for this generation, and that includes speaking in tongues.
When someone tells you that there are no such things as Apostles in this day and age of the church...check that out with the Word.  God never said that Apostles would cease to exist.  He said that there were five-fold ministry gifts in the church:  Apostles, Teachers, Pastors, Evangelists and Prophets.

God's not some big secretive God.  He wants us to know things.  He wants us to have the inside scoop.  That's why He gave us His Word in the first place.  Sure, you don't know everything about your life right now.  Maybe you've asked God a hundred questions about where He's taking you on this road you're on now and you don't feel like you're getting any answers.  My guess is that if you knew it all, you probably wouldn't need God to help you through it anymore.  My second guess is that if you knew it all, you wouldn't be able to handle it.  That doesn't mean God is secretive.  It means He's a protective Father.  He's a great Daddy.  And He's written in His Word exactly what His gifts for us are as His children.  He's written in His Word what He has for us.  He's given us His Truth.

Don't settle for teaching that's less than what God's Word says.  Don't settle for a "Hobo Gospel" when you've got the real thing.

New Book Coming Soon: Second Chance

A few years ago, I wrote a book that is based (loosely) on my husband's life.  It touches a bit on the obstacles he overcame as a teenager.  It is a work of "Paranormal Christian Fiction".  The inspiration for this book came to me one night while we were talking and I asked him, "What would you do if you suddenly went back to being a child again?  With all of the knowledge you have now?  But you didn't have me, or the kids?"

Thus, the book was born.

I wanted to test the waters and see how much interest there would be in this work, so I'm posting the first part of the book here.  I still have some re-writing to do, but what you read here is finished and will make up the first few chapters of the book.  My goal is to have this book available in ebook format by the end of the month.

Please comment and let me know what you think!  Thanks.

Chapter One

     “You guys need to make sure you eat all of your dinner.”

     “OK, Dad,” the children chorused.

     Natalie and Kevin looked at each other and smiled.  The family had just finished a long Saturday shopping trip and they were having dinner at Applebees.  It had been a very enjoyable day.  They had shopped at the mall, had lunch, visited WalMart and Target and now were finally having dinner.

     Kevin asked Natalie what she would like for dessert.  He glanced at his wife out of the corner of his eye.  She smiled in approval.  It wasn’t often that they had the extra money to splurge on dessert when they went out to eat.  Somehow though, Kevin always seemed to surprise her at just the right time.  And he always knew what she would want-anything chocolate.  The waitress approached the table and Kevin ordered Natalie a piece of chocolate cake.  He ordered himself a slice of cheesecake with strawberries, along with ice cream for the children.

     The kids, Kelly and Max, busied themselves coloring across the table and Kevin looked at his wife.

     “Have I ever told you that you are the prettiest lady I know?”

     Natalie smiled, obviously enthralled with her husband and loving every second of his compliments.  “Actually, it’s been a while.”

     “Really?  Hmm.  That’s a shame.  You really are the prettiest lady I know.”

     Natalie laughed.  “You sound like your Dad.”

     “You say that all the time.”

     “Well, you do.  You’re like a spitting image of him.  You and your brother both are.”

     Kevin smiled at his wife and gave her a kiss.  He was happy to hear her say that he was a lot like his dad.  Larry Reynolds was one of his heroes.  He was probably the strongest, most amazing man Kevin had ever known.  It was an honor to be told he was like him.

     “Dad, what is a pirate’s favorite letter in the alphabet?”  Kelly asked.  Her eight year old eyes smiled up at him with expectancy.

     Kevin made a big show of thinking really hard and then said, “I don’t know, Kelly.  What is it?”

     “It’s Aaarrrgghh!” she said with delight.  She and Max both laughed a little too loudly.

     The adults laughed silently and Natalie scolded, “OK, keep it down.  We are out in public.”

     “Sorry, Mom,” Max said.  “That was just too funny.”

     Kevin laughed.  “You’re a regular little comedian, young lady.”

     Kelly beamed.  She enjoyed it when people laughed at her.  “Can I sit on your lap, Daddy?”

     “Sure,” Kevin replied.  He pushed back from the table to allow her to come and sit on his lap.  Max reached across the table to hold Natalie’s hand as he colored with his other hand on his placemat.  They were both such good kids.  Very well-behaved, even if they did get a little loud in restaurants once in a while. 

     Kevin wasn’t their biological father, even though he treated them like his own.  Natalie had been married when she was twenty-one years old to another man, Ben.  They were married for seven years, until Ben had an affair that tore their family apart on Christmas Day.  Max had only been two when Ben left.  Kelly was five.  She still remembered it though, and for a while she asked her mom constantly about when her parents were going to get back together.  With Kevin around, Kelly no longer asked that question.  Ben didn’t make any big attempts to see his children on a regular basis.  He was happy living his own life and doing his own thing.  The kids asked about him once in a while but more often than not, they were happy with their Mom and Step-Dad.

     Dinner went off without a hitch.  The kids both ate all of their chicken nuggets and fries and were thrilled with their ice cream for dessert.  When the family had had their fill, they left the restaurant, got in the car, and drove toward home to relax for the night.

     Natalie reached over to touch Kevin’s leg as he drove.  The kids were both nodding off in the backseat.

     “It was a good day, wasn’t it, Sweetheart?” Natalie asked her husband.

     “It was.  I’m surprised I had so much fun.  You know the mall is my absolute favorite place to be.”

     Natalie giggled.  “I know, I know.  You were such a good sport about it.  Thank you for taking us out all day.  I know on days like today you like to relax at home.”

     Kevin shrugged.  “It’s just that I am on the go all the time…I don’t get a whole lot of time at home during the day.  But knowing that it made you guys happy and it was really what you wanted…that makes a huge difference to me and it makes it well worth it.”

     Natalie smiled and leaned over to kiss his cheek. 

     “Aw.  You probably shouldn’t do that while I’m driving.  You make me want a real kiss.”

     “You can have more when we get home, Mr. Reynolds.” 

     Kevin knew that she would give him all the love and attention that he wanted.  Not just that night, but for the rest of his life.  For the millionth time, he realized how blessed he was to have this woman as his wife. 

     They pulled into their garage and as Kevin shut the car off, the interior light turned on.  Whines erupted from the backseat as the kids objected to leaving the car for the comfort of their beds.  Kevin was so happy that Natalie was patient with the children.  It was hard for him to remain patient when they whined, even if they were tired.  He figured that probably had a lot to do with the fact that he hadn’t been around for much of their growing up.  He never saw them when they were babies so the nurturing didn’t come naturally to him.

     “I’ve got them, Honey,” Natalie told him quietly, as she helped the children get of the car and soothed them with her words.  Kevin nodded and left the garage, shutting the door behind them.  When Natalie and the children reached the back door of the house, Kevin was there with the porch light on, holding the door open for them.  The kids were still whining when they all entered the house.

     “Daddy, I don’t want to go to bed,” Max cried as he took his coat off.

     Kevin took a deep breath, willing himself not to raise his voice.  “I know, buddy.  It’s time to go to sleep now, though.  The sooner you go to sleep, the sooner you’ll wake up.”

     “Do we have school tomorrow?” Kelly asked.

     “Yes,” Natalie told her, giving her a hug.  She kissed her daughter on the top of the head and then Kelly practically flung herself into Kevin’s arms.

     “Whoa,” he said, taken off guard.  He was growing used to Kelly’s abrupt displays of affection.  And he was very aware that she needed a “father” in her life, especially since her own biological father was absent a great deal of the time.  Kevin was happy to fill that role with her.  And she seemed to enjoy having him fill it.

     “Good night, Daddy.”

     Kevin smiled.  “Good night sweetheart.  Sleep well.”

     Max hugged his parents as well and both children trotted upstairs to go to bed.

     Natalie and Kevin looked at each other and smiled.  Kevin reached out for his wife.

     “Now, what was that you were saying about giving me a better kiss when we got home?”

     Natalie blushed but came closer to kiss her husband.  The two of them stood that way, in the kitchen, for a long time.  Kevin knew that he had some things to take care of that evening.  He had to take out the trash and balance their checkbook against their bank statement online.  Right at that moment, however, he just wanted to hold his wife.

     When they finally broke apart, Kevin smiled down at her.  “You’re really short, you know that?”

     Natalie smiled and pinched his waist.  “I think you’re too tall.  That’s your problem.  Not mine.”

     “Oh, really?”

     With that, she took off running into the living room and Kevin chased her, tackling her on the couch.  The two of them laughed as Kevin tickled Natalie until her face was red and she was out of breath.  He leaned down and kissed her again.

     “Let’s go to bed,” Natalie whispered wistfully.

     His body agreed with her, but his head was in a different place.  He knew he needed to balance their checkbook after all of the purchase they had made that day.  He smiled.

     “Are you tired?”

     “Well…no.  Not really.”  She still flashed him that grin and winked at him.

     “Okay.  I hate to put you off, but I do need to balance the checkbook first.  Why don’t you get yourself a glass of water and find something on TV.  We can watch TV for a little while after I’m done.  Then go to bed.”

     She put on a pouty face.  “I just want to be with you.”

     “I know, Baby.  I want to be with you too.  We will.  In a little while.”

     Finally, she smiled again.  “Okay.  But I don’t want you to take forever on the computer.”

     “I won’t.  I promise.”

     With that, they stood up and Natalie went out to the kitchen to get a glass of water as her husband had suggested.  Kevin settled down at the computer and got online.  He began looking at one of his favorite sports sites.  As Natalie passed through the office on her way back to the living room, she eyed what he was doing and gave him a questioning look.

     “What?  I’m just checking things out.  I’ll be right in.”

     “All right.”

     Kevin got on the banking site as Natalie settled in on the couch. 

Chapter Two

     It was quiet in the house that evening.  It was a school night and both of the kids needed to be on the bus the next morning at 7:15.  The sounds of a brand-new reality show emanated through the house as Natalie laughed at their antics and Kevin plugged away on the computer.

     Kevin was fairly happy with his life.  The family was living in a nice home in Craning, NY.  They were renting the house, but it was much better than the apartment Natalie had been renting in Elkland when they had met just over a year ago.

     Natalie had separated from her first husband two years before they were officially divorced.  She had been in a few bad relationships during that time.  Once her last relationship ended, Natalie decided that she was more interested in doing God’s will for her life than doing things her way.  Her first serious boyfriend after her marriage had ended was very verbally abusive and had begun to be physically abusive.  She ended the relationship soon after the physical abuse began, however the effects of the verbal and emotional abuse lasted a very long time.  Her second and last relationship before meeting Kevin was ended when Natalie found out that the man was secretly married to another woman.  She had been through a lot of hardships and a lot of pain.  When Natalie told Kevin about her past relationships, he worried that she might have problems trusting him.  Either through her own strength, or by the grace of God, she never did.

     After her last disappointing relationship ended, Natalie began focusing on getting her divorce.  She realized she had put it off long enough, and that she actually had no business dating anyone as long as she was still legally married, regardless of how long it had been.  Once the divorce was complete, she started writing letters to her future husband.  She knew in her heart that she would be married again.  She had so much love to give and her two children had been left almost fatherless.  Ben, her ex-husband rarely had anything to do with them.  They had a visitation order in place that allowed him to have both of the children for overnight visits every other weekend but he didn’t take advantage of that at all.  It was apparent that he only wanted his own life.

     As Natalie wrote the letters, she focused on God and what he had planned for her life.  She began by introducing herself to this man she didn’t know yet.  As she poured her heart out to him, however, she began to get to know him very well.  So well in fact, that she knew when she finally did meet him, she would know him instinctively.  Natalie told herself that if she met someone and asked herself, “What would my future husband think of him?” she would know that man couldn’t be her future husband.  She resolved to wait until she met someone and when she asked herself that question, her heart’s answer would be, “Maybe this is him.”  Before long, she fell in love with a man she had never even met.

     It was no surprise to her one day when God directed her to a Christian dating site.  As inexplicable as it was, Natalie often heard God’s voice and this was one of those times.  She even knew what she would find when she got on the site.  She knew she was looking for a man who lived close by, who had blue eyes and whose profile also contained contact information.  Natalie didn’t have the money to subscribe to the service at that point.

     Lo and behold, there he was.  Beautiful blue eyes and brown hair.  He lived in James City, which was only an hour away.  Deciding to take a chance, Natalie sent Kevin a message on an instant messenger.

     The next night, they talked via instant messenger for two hours.  They arranged a date for that weekend and talked on the phone every night until they met in person on Saturday.

     It was instant attraction for them both.  Natalie had baked him cookies and since she was a published author, she also offered him a copy of her first novel.  Kevin showed up with three white roses.  She was very touched by his thoughtfulness.  They went to a local hockey game and spent the entire time talking with each other, while they completely ignored the game.

     They had had a whirlwind romance.

     A few months later, they were married.

     “Honey,” Natalie called to her husband.  “Are you coming in soon?”

     “Yeah, in a second,” Kevin answered, feeling a little bit annoyed.  He was immersed in the checkbook, comparing what was recorded to the purchases on their bank’s website.  As he searched, he noticed a discrepancy that explained why they were overdrawn by $25.  It was a debit card purchase from a craft store in the mall.  Kevin could barely believe his eyes when he saw the amount that was spent.  $110!  He rubbed his head in frustration.  How does one spend $110 on craft supplies? he thought. He could feel the anger burning up inside of him.  Natalie was a stay at home mom as well as a published author.  She had published her first book a few years before she and Kevin met.  Now, she had a few more projects she was working on.  It wasn’t surprising that Natalie frequented the craft store.  She was constantly needing more writing supplies and things for scrap booking, which she also loved to do.  But, to make such a large purchase without recording it in the checkbook was ridiculous.

     Now we’re going to have fees for bounced checks, Kevin thought.  The more he stewed, the more angry he became. 

     He took a deep breath and went into the living room.  His wife sat on the couch in her pajamas.  Her feet were tucked under and she had put her hair in a ponytail.  She wore her glasses instead of her contacts at night to give her eyes a break.  Kevin thought she looked cute sitting there smiling at him.  But, he quickly dismissed that thought to present the matter at hand.

     Her smile quickly disappeared when she saw the look on his face. 

     “Do you know what you did?”

     She rolled her eyes and looked back at the TV.  “No, but I’ll bet you’re going to tell me.”

     “You went to HC Fabrics and didn’t put what you spent in the checkbook.

     Natalie clapped a hand to her forehead.  “Oh, no.  I did, didn’t I?”  She knew then why he was upset.  Kevin had just started a new sales job after losing a truck driving job and being out of work for almost a month.  They were getting back on track financially but it had been difficult.  Her mistake was going to cost them money.

     “Yes, you did,” Kevin snapped.

     “How much did they charge us in fees?”

     “Don’t know yet.”

     Natalie was obviously upset about her mistake.  She knew Kevin worked hard.  He had big dreams that he wanted to see accomplished.  She did too, but he was the one who worked outside the home.

     “Honey, I can’t believe I forgot that.  I’m so sorry.”

     “Yeah, you’re always sorry.  It doesn’t put the money back in our account though.”  Kevin turned and left the room.

     Natalie sat there a minute before going after him.  He had sat back down at the computer.

     “You know, I can take a lot of that stuff back.  It’s not stuff I desperately need to have right now.”

     “Just forget it,” he replied.  “You’ve done enough.”

     “Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

     “It means that I work very hard to bring money into this house.  And then you forget you spent it.”

     “Kevin, I made a mistake.  I’m sorry.”

     “Yeah, I know.  Maybe you should be spending more time at home and less time in the mall.”

     “Wait a second.  My family is very important to me.  You are all well taken care of.  I do everything around here and you barely lift a finger.”

     “Maybe you should go back to work.  That might give you some insight into how valuable money is.”

     That comment stung.  Natalie had been hesitant to quit her job.  However, when they sat down and looked at how much they were paying for child care, Kevin saw that Natalie would really be more valuable to them if she stayed home.  That was five months ago.  Now, Natalie loved staying home.  She was able to be there for the children after school and do almost all of the housework.  She was also able to spend more time with Kevin before he left for the day.

     “Why do you have to be so mean?” she asked before the tears fell.

     “Oh, here we go with the guilt trip.  Go ahead and cry.  I’m going to bed.”  With that, Kevin got up and stomped up the stairs to their bedroom.

     Natalie just sat down on the floor and cried.  She hated it when he got so angry.  It was stupid.  He always hurt her so much with his words when he got like that.  What was she supposed to do?  Apologize for being human?  Okay, so it wasn’t the first time she’d forgotten to record something in their checkbook.  But instead of working out a solution to something that was obviously a weakness in her, Kevin got mad.

     She got up and went back to the living room to turn the lights and television off.  Maybe if she gave him a few minutes alone they could talk rationally.  She went upstairs and went through her bedtime routine before going into their bedroom.  The lights were all off and Kevin was in bed.  Natalie slipped into bed and he rolled away from her.  She could feel the tears again but held them back because she knew they only upset him more.

     Taking a few deep breaths, she touched his back.  “Kevin, please talk to me.”

     No answer.  She knew he fell asleep fast and was often able to sleep even when they had arguments.

     She tried again.  “Kev?”

     Still no response.  The tears fell freely then and she rolled over to cry quietly into her pillow.  She absolutely hated it when Kevin did this.  She knew he would probably sleep like a baby while she tossed and turned all night.  Natalie didn’t know why he did this to her.  He knew how much it bothered her.  It didn’t seem to matter to him.  And what irked her even more was the fact that she knew he was going to wake up and act like everything was normal.  Then she would be blamed for “keeping the fight going.”

     “Are you going to do that all night?” he finally asked.

     “Will you talk to me?”

     “I’m done talking.  I’m tired.  I want to go to sleep.”

     “That’s going to help me a lot.  Thanks.”

     With that, Kevin threw off the covers and grabbed his pillow.  “I’m not staying here and listening to that garbage.  Cry to yourself.  Not to me.”  With that, he slammed out the door and Natalie sobbed even harder.

Chapter Three

     Who does she think she is, anyway?  Guilt-tripping me like that.  She’s the one who screwed up.  Let her cry all night.  See if I care.

     Kevin rolled over as he tried to get comfortable on the couch.  It was a difficult place to sleep.  But anything was better than sleeping with her at that point.

     He tossed and turned for a while, willing himself to fall asleep.  It was so hard not to go to sleep beside his wife.  Every night before they went to sleep, Natalie would rub his back until soft snores came from his side of the bed.  Kevin had grown accustomed to those nightly backrubs.  Going without them was difficult.

     Finally, Kevin felt himself drifting off.  Suddenly, someone turned on the light.

     “Hey!” he yelled, sitting up.  He squinted in the brightness that filled the room.  But, he could clearly see the light wasn’t coming from one of the lamps.  “What the…”

     “Be calm,” a voice told him.  The brightness toned down and Kevin saw what looked like a small star near the living room window.  “You have much to learn.”

     Kevin sat back and stared at the star.  He knew he must be dreaming.

     “You are a very blessed man, Kevin Reynolds.  You have come through many trials in your life.  The ones you face now seem daunting.  You don’t appreciate what you have.”

     “Who are you?”  Kevin’s voice came out in a whisper.

     “Silence!  This is not the time for you to ask questions.  This is the time for you to listen and to learn.  There is much you don’t understand.  You know in your heart that I AM.”

     Kevin thought that was a strange sentence.  He wanted to ask, You are what?  But he didn’t.

     “The life that you know today is going to be removed from you.  But you will not die.  You will return to the life of your childhood before this night is over.  You will lose some, but you will gain much.  You will learn what you need to learn.  You will appreciate what you no longer have.”

     When there was silence for a couple of seconds, Kevin said, “I don’t understand.”

     “You will.  It will all be clear in the morning.”

     Suddenly, a sound like a loud vacuum filled the room and Kevin covered his ears.  He watched as the star seemed to disappear and the room became dark again.  He realized he was sitting up on the couch and covered in sweat.  He threw his blanket onto the floor and settled back onto his pillow.

     What a weird dream, he thought.  What was that all about?  He didn’t have time to ponder long before sleep overcame him.

Chapter Four

     “Kevin?  Kevin, wake up.”

     Kevin snuggled down under the covers.  “Five more minutes,” he muttered in a cracked voice.

     “Absolutely not. Up this minute.  You’ll be late.”

     Slowly Kevin opened his eyes, expecting to see Natalie above him.  He wanted to apologize for his anger the night before.  He hated their fights.  The face he saw was not Natalie’s.

     It was his mother’s.

Growing Down: The Secrets to Becoming Like a Child

Have you ever wondered what Jesus really meant when He told His disciples that unless they became like little children, they would never enter the Kingdom Of Heaven?

God inspired me to write this book a few years ago.  It was only recently that I was able to update it and offer it electronically.  Growing Down breaks Jesus' instruction down into simple terms that anyone can understand.  It is the perfect tool for a new believer who wants to please God in everything he or she says and does.  It's also a great tool for anyone who wants to grow in their walk with God and just get back to the basics.

At the end of the book, I offer my readers a sneak peak at Drop By Nine Spoonfuls, which will be available as an e book very soon.

Download your copy of Growing Down:  The Secrets to Becoming Like a Child today!

Lessons Learned

I have learned so much during the past few months.

I haven't been very verbal about it (and I'm not even sure I'm going to share this blog on Facebook, for that reason), but we've been dealing with bed bugs since the middle of May when our old neighbors moved out and left behind an infestation that soon became our problem.  It was a rough road, complete with many types of do-it-yourself treatments, lots of cleaning, lots of tossing stuff out, and lots of dust.

And it's over now.

I've learned that, although I'm not as bad as one of those people you see on the show Hoarders, I do have many things that I can stand to get rid of.  We downsized so much of our crap, it wasn't funny.  A ton of stuff from our basement got thrown out.  A ton of stuff from our bedrooms got thrown out.  I learned how to live happy on very little.  In the end, we were cycling through five or so outfits each, in an attempt to stop from doing laundry constantly.

I've learned the value of a clean home.  The final DIY treatment we did was using DE on the floors, in the dressers, under/on the beds.  It was basically everywhere.  You couldn't walk through the house without shoes on and not get your feet absolutely disgusting.  I want my home to be a clean place for my children.

Along with that, I've learned the value of doing just regular housework and how good it feels to do it.  I spent so much time doing bed bug work that I didn't have time to do the regular stuff you do when you are just cleaning your house.  In fact, I couldn't do much housework at all because of the dust.  I didn't want to pick it up, so I couldn't vacuum the carpets.  I couldn't sweep the floor much.

We are now in our new apartment and I just love it here.  It's much smaller but it's very cozy.  It's big enough for our family.  God has been so good to us in bringing us here.  He was so good by providing that Ehrlich exterminator who just happened to run into Craig on his route one day and told him how we could treat our stuff before we move to kill any bed bugs that might be left after the DE application.

Life is getting back to normal as we slowly continue to work on putting our house together.  I'm writing again.  I'm getting ready to publish my first e book by the end of this week.  I got a ton of direct assignments in the past 24 hours and one of them is worth $168.  So, things are getting back to the way they should be and I'm so happy that we're finally free of that house.

It feels so good to finally be home.  

Last Post Before Moving

This is my last blog before we move to a new apartment.  We've lived here for three years.  I have to say that for the most part, those three years were pretty good.  Although the past few months have been challenging, this little duplex we've called home has been a nice place to live.

The house we're moving to is still a half a house.  It's smaller in size but I think it will be better for our family, at least for a little while.  It will be nice to not have to deal with the "issues" we've been dealing with for the past few months.  It will be nice to be able to sit and write for a few hours at a time without interruption.  It will be nice to end my evenings relaxing with my husband instead of doing other things to manage problems in the house.

Still, I'm a little bit nostalgic as I think about all that we've been through here.  This was the place where Craig and I first kind of got a handle on taking care of our family the way we needed to.  He got a good job when we came here to live.  This was where we moved when I was pregnant with Caleb.  And this is the home where we brought our baby home for the first time.  We've had three Christmases here.  We've had one Thanksgiving here.  We've had countless fires in the backyard, roasting marshmallows and making smores.  We've had a lot of laughter here.  We've had some sorrow here.

I'm getting ready to unplug the Internet so I can go to the new apartment, where I'm hoping Time Warner won't take too long to show up and turn on our Internet, cable and phone there.  This is only a temporary situation.  And although I really do like the new apartment, I'm looking forward to the day when we finally have a house to call our own.  A house that we choose, to finish raising our family in.  This is a new chapter of our lives, that begins in less than 24 hours.  I know God has great plans in store for our family.

He always does.

Sleep Tight...

There is one phrase I will never, ever, EVER utter again, as long as I live.

"Sleep tight...don't let the bed bugs bite!"

When you're a kid, you think it's cute; funny, even.  I remember my Grandma saying to me, "Don't ever say that!  You don't want people to think we have bed bugs!"

Well, here I sit.  With a bed bug infestation.

It has been the worst few weeks of my life.  This is worse than when my ex-husband left.  Although, honestly, when he left, I cried for one whole day and then pulled myself together and went into survivor mode for myself and my kids.  I could have handled this bed bug thing if it only required me crying for a day and then going into survival mode.

The quick recap is this:  We had some neighbors living next door who weren't exactly clean.  To make you understand what I mean, once I was sick.  I mean, I was SICK.  I could NOT be away from a bathroom for very long.  On that same day, the toilet needed to be repaired because it was leaking through the ceiling in our kitchen.  So, I couldn't use the toilet here.  I asked our neighbors if I could use theirs.  I only used theirs once.  Every other time, I went down the street to the gas station to use the bathroom.  THAT'S how bad their apartment was.  It smelled.  Everything was just filthy.  The toilet didn't flush and it HADN'T been flushed.  There are just no words to truly describe what I saw over there.

We were elated last month to find out that our neighbors were being evicted.  They hadn't paid rent and had seemed to disappear from the apartment.  It took about a week and a half to get the key from them, at which point, our landlords started moving things out of there that they had left behind.  It was mostly garbage and nasty furniture.  It took all week long, and they took out several pick up truck loads a day for the entire week.  In the meantime, I began noticing little bites showing up on my arms and legs when I would wake up in the morning.  They looked like mosquito bites.  I had just installed a mosquito repellant app on my phone and I thought that it was malfunctioning.  So, I uninstalled it.  The bites continued.

One night, Craig killed a bug that was crawling on our headboard.  He showed it to me and I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  It was a bed bug.  I told Craig I was not sleeping in the bed that night.  I was sleeping on the couch.  He could either stay in the bed or sleep on the other couch.  He slept on the other couch.

What ensued after that was a battle with our landlords over what was going to be done about the bed bugs.  (This is the short version)  I began washing all of our clothes and bagging them.  We cleaned out all of the bedrooms, encased all of the mattresses and put our headboard outside.  The headboard ended up disappearing.  We don't know if it was stolen, or if one of the guys who was cleaning next door took it to the dump.  But it's gone.  We vacuumed constantly.  We pulled all beds away from the walls and, in various ways, fixed it so that any bugs could not climb up the legs of the beds.  The bites stopped for a few days.  And then they started again.  This time, they were biting Matthew.

Our landlords insist that this problem is not THEIR problem.  They told us that they would take money off of our rent but that they weren't going to pay to have anything done in the house (like heat treatment or an exterminator).  They say that there's no way to prove that it was our neighbors who brought this problem on.  But I know.  And I know they do too.

It's been really tough.  I feel like an outsider.  I haven't hung out with my friends because I don't dare to have anyone come over.  I haven't been able to make much money writing because of all the time I spend doing laundry, cleaning, etc.  I haven't been able to go to church during the week.  I've had to say no to two other jobs that would have earned me some money.  Not to mention the psychological toll this has taken on me.  My nerves on constantly on edge.  Every time I feel anything (example:  Dust particle) fall on my skin, I jump, thinking it's a bug.  I just started going to sleep at night without tossing and turning for two or three hours first.

Yesterday we used a product our landlords bought us from Home Depot in an attempt to get rid of the bugs.  I doused the entire house in this stuff.  I was declaring Bible verses all through the house, casting out demons and telling them that our family was highly favored and Satan had to leave us alone.

I believe my God is bigger than this.  I believe we have beaten these things and we are going to be free.

I'm so tired of dealing with this and I believe God has taken care of it.  I don't believe this problem is going to stay with us forever.  I believe God is more concerned about this than we are and that he has delivered us from these monsters.  I BELIEVE.