If My People Who Are Called By My Name...

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14


I will be the first to admit it--in the past, I have not led a great prayer life.  I was listening to Casting Crowns this morning and I had to listen to this song a few times because it was really speaking to my heart.  Look at the verse again.  It's a promise from God.  Yes, that's God speaking.  But it's a promise with a few conditions.  


God says, if His people, who are called by His name (that's us, Christians) will humble themselves and pray...


Humble themselves.  Hmm...  What does God mean by that?  Paul tells us in Romans 12:3 not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought.  I believe that is the key to humbling ourselves.  How many times in the past have you taken matters into your own hands?  I'm guilty of it, I'll admit.  There have been times when I've done things that I felt like I was "within my rights" to do, without consulting God first.  It's hard to let go.  Especially when we feel like we've been wronged or when someone has hurt us in some way.  But the Bible instructs us to leave everything in God's capable hands.  Like it or not, God knows more than we do.  He sees things from beginning to end.  He knows how each situation in our lives is going to turn out before we do.  So, why don't we let Him do it?  


Control.  From the time we are just babies, we fight for control in our own lives.  Quite often, when a toddler starts talking, one of their first words is "No!"  I know with my son Caleb, "No" is usually even spoken when he really means "Yes", just because he wants control.  


We're called to a higher way of life.  We are called to humble ourselves.  It's only when we realize that ultimately, God is the one in control anyway, that we can truly humble ourselves the way the Bible instructs us to.  When our lives are completely in the hands of our Heavenly Father, then we have humbled ourselves.  


Pray.  That's the second condition.  Prayer is as simple as just talking to God.  This needs to be an every day thing.  The Bible instructs us to pray without ceasing.  Does that mean that we need to pray CONSTANTLY?  No, I don't think that's what God wants us to do.  But He does want us to always be in a prayerful frame of mind.  He wants every day we live to be a constant conversation with Him.  I'm trying to get into the habit of waking up with a "Good morning, Lord", and then carry on that conversation as I go about my day.  It's not easy and it takes practice.  But that is my goal.  God wants to hear about everything.  When you talk to Him, you're spending time with Him. He LONGS to spend time with you.  He longs to hear what's on your heart.  Yes, He knows you inside and out.  He sees all of your thoughts.  But He wants you to tell him.  "What a beautiful day you've given us, Lord."  "I love you God."  My husband knows that I love him and I know that he loves me...that doesn't stop us from telling each other every day.  We love to hear the words.  And so does God.


Once you determine that you're going to pray, take some time to learn how to pray the right way.  Pray Scripture over your life.  There is power in praying Scripture.  Those are God's words, spoken back to Him.  My husband told me something that he heard on the radio once and when I got a hold of that truth, I was blown away:  The angels have one job.  Their job is to DO THE WORD OF GOD.  Did you know that?  So when we pray negatively:  "Why can't I do anything right, Lord?  Why is this happening to me?"  the angels don't know what to do because they don't follow those words.  Those aren't from God.  But when we pray the Word:  "God, I know the plans you have for me are good.  They are plans to prosper me and not to harm me.  They are plans to give me hope and a future."  "God, your Word says that when I tithe, you are faithful to pour out a blessing upon me that will be so much I won't be able to contain it",  the angels know exactly what to do!  They DO THE WORD OF GOD.  So, get into the Word and learn what it says and pray it back to God.  You'll see miracles happen in your life.  I know I've seen them happen in mine.





Turning from your wicked ways is hard.  People are generally good, but we all have sin.  Sin is sin is sin.  What is God putting His finger on in your life?  Whatever it is, repent.  God will forgive you.  Repenting is not only saying you're sorry, but it's actually turning away from the sin and never repeating it. Do that.  


And then...God will hear.  He will forgive.  And He will heal.  It's that easy.  What would happen if we did these things?  If we really prayed?  If we really humbled ourselves and if we really turned from our sins?  The results would be astounding.  


What do you need today?  What are you struggling with?  What situation do you desperately need an answer for?  God's promise has been made.  His promises are good and they are everlasting.  


I believe it's time for God's people to stand up.  Time for them to pray. 

Make A Joyful Noise

Tomorrow is my birthday.  I'll be 36 years old.

I posted yesterday on Facebook that we were having some financial difficulties.  I thought I would write a blog about that...to clear my own head, to clarify to people what that means, and to inform people who truly care.  I asked people to pray, and many people responded that they would.  Our church reached out and helped us and we appreciate that more than they know.  So, what's going on?

I blogged a few weeks ago that I quit my job.  I am now a full time, stay at home mom.  I love being at home with Caleb.  I love being home when Cassidy and Matt get here after school.  I love the fact that I can care for my husband by caring for our home and he doesn't have to worry about much of anything anymore, with regards to that.  It took me a long time to get to the point where I knew this was where I was supposed to be.  I'm here now, and I love it.

Yesterday, I was supposed to have been paid my last pay check.  I was expecting $600+  to be deposited into my bank account.  I checked in the morning and it wasn't there.  I called the owner's husband and asked him what was going on with my pay check and he informed me that I was not getting my pay check until they could be sure that I no longer had anything that belonged to the office.

A few days after I quit, I cleaned out my purse and my wallet and I found $6.40.  With it, there were two receipts from certified mail that I had taken to the post office.  I knew this money belonged to the office.  I immediately wrote a check for the amount, stuck a note to it and put it in the mail.  That same day.  A few days ago, I was reminded that I needed to send back my parking pass.  I put it in the mail.  That same day.  I spent countless hours writing out instructions for things in the office and emailing them.  I talked on the phone with the Rochester office, giving them instructions on how to do billing and banking.  I made myself available every day for the practice, because I did walk out suddenly and I didn't want the other workers to suffer because I felt I had to quit.  I felt it was my duty to give them instructions to carry on so that at least they could do their jobs well and the patients would not have to suffer.

Apparently, Dr. Addams does not see things the same way that I do.

In an email I received yesterday, I was called untrainable, incompetent, awful and delusional.  I was informed that I would not be receiving my final paycheck until they are certain that everything that has been taken from the office has been returned.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

We had planned a party for tomorrow.  We can't have the party.  We used all of Craig's pay check this week toward our new minivan.  Thursday we had lots of money.  Today we don't.  If this had happened to us five years ago, I would be incredibly depressed.  But I'm not.

Why?

It would be one thing if we depended on the world to sustain our family.  We don't.  We depend on the Lord to be our Provider.  We are tithers.  We are givers.  The world doesn't own our money.  God does.  He owns a cattle on a thousand hills.  He supplies all of our needs.  Yes, I'm owed a lot of money.  Yes I was wronged by her.  God knows that.  He knows I've been faithful.  He knows what my family needs.

I reported Dr. Addams to the Labor Department for unpaid wages.  Part of me thinks that she didn't think I would do it.  I am trusting and believing that the person who takes care of this case will see the wrong that has been done to me.  I know that God will put those forms I sent yesterday directly into the hands of the right person.  I fully trust that that money will be restored because the Bible says that when the enemy steals from us, he must repay it back times seven.  That's my declaration over this whole situation.  I believe that what the Bible says is true.  And I stand on the promises of my God.

Yes, Dr. Addams can steal from me for a little while.  She can try to hurt my family.  She can try to steal from my children.  She can try to kill my joy.  She can try.

But I have a place to live.  My electricity is on. We have TWO vehicles, including a new van that God provided us with.  I have food.  I have a family.  I have a husband who will stand beside me through thick and thin.  My marriage is strong.  My kids are healthy.  And I am truly blessed.  She will not take away my joy.  She will not cause me depression.  She will not cause my praise for my Heavenly Father to cease.  HE is in charge in our family.  And HE is bigger than she is.

What better reasons do I have to make a joyful noise?

Against The Odds (Working Title, Chapters 1-2)

The work of Pregnancy Resource Centers is often unknown by many people in communities all around the country.  The work is important.  It is vital.  Because of the need for people to understand how important this work is, I have begun writing a work of fiction that gives us an inside view of Pregnancy Resource Centers and how they have changed the lives of women.  My work at the Southern Tier Pregnancy Resource Center has been some of the most rewarding work I have ever done.  It is my inspiration for writing this novel.  I believe that God has orchestrated this and every idea I have for this book comes from Him.  

There are some people (you know who you are) who may be portrayed in this book.  Any likeness of the client characters is purely coincidental, although their stories are all too real.  Thank you for reading and I ask that you continue to pray for God-inspired ideas as I continue to pen this important piece.  

~Nicole

Chapter One

            A simple glance down at the bathroom sink told Ari all she needed to know.  She had taken enough of these tests to know what those two pink lines meant when they appeared on that bright white stick.  Her heart sank a bit as she let the true meaning behind those lines register in her mind. 

            How far along was she?  It was hard to remember the last time she had had her period.  She took out her cell phone and looked up the app that told her when her period would be expected again.  The calendar told her it was due three weeks ago, but since she never bothered to update her phone when it was that “time of the month”, it was hard to say if that would be exactly accurate. 

            With a long sigh, she dropped the test into the trash and flushed the toilet.  After washing her hands, she took the box the test had come in, which contained two unused tests, under the sink. 

            Ari sat on her bed that night and took out her journal.  She thought a few minutes before she began to record the day’s activities, as she did several times a week. 

            March 14

            Here I am again.  In the same boat I always seem to find myself in.  I can’t believe I’m pregnant again.  It’s such a nuisance.  But I suppose it’s my own fault, if only I would remember to take my pills on time.  What use are they, anyway?  I guess I don’t have to pay for them, so that’s one good thing…

            Ari stopped writing and looked out her window.  She thought about the many times she had been inside the downtown clinic during the past year.  Was it three?  Or four?  It was hard to remember; too many times, anyway. 

            Abortion is not birth control.

The familiar mantra stuck in her head at that moment.  She had heard it many times by the dozens of people who often took up vigil outside the gate of the Planned Parenthood building.  Of course abortion wasn’t birth control.  But, Ari found it hard to comprehend how she had any other choice at this point in her life. 

She was twenty-five years old.  She had tried holding down a job, but she found it was too demanding on her to do so.  A trip to the county clinic had earned her a few prescriptions for something they called “Bipolar Disorder” and a nice check from the state every month.  Her medical bills were covered under Medicaid, which was applied for and approved only a day before she had had her first abortion.  She lived in a scantily-clad, one-bedroom apartment in a run-down part of the small city of Sylvester, NY. 

The sound of her cell phone ringing broke her from her thoughts and she picked it up.  It was her best friend, Sarah. 

“Hey, girl,” Sarah greeted.  “Are you coming or what?”

Ari looked at the clock on her nightstand.  She was supposed to have met Sarah fifteen minutes ago for drinks a few blocks from her apartment.  Somehow, she’d lost track of the time.

“I’m sorry,” Ari apologized.  “I guess I forgot.”

“Forgot?  It’s St. Patrick’s Day, for crying out loud.  How could you forget?  Haven’t we been talking about tonight for weeks?”

“Yes…”  A wave of guilt flooded over Ari and she looked over at her closet, hoping to find some clean clothes that might work for an evening of partying.  She hadn’t done laundry in over a month.  “I just…I just found out I’m pregnant.”

“What?  Again?”

“Again.”

Sarah sighed.  “Ari, I swear…you’ve got to stop skipping your pills.  I’ve honestly never known anyone so fertile in my whole life.”

“Yeah, so I don’t know if it’s such a good idea for me to go tonight.”

“Are you kidding?  Who cares if you’re pregnant?  You’re not going to keep it, are you?”

“Well, no, but…”

“No buts.  Maybe you’ll even get lucky and miscarry or something.  Then you won’t have to go through that whole trip down to the clinic.  We were just there like, three months ago, you know.”

“Yes, I know.”

“So, come on.  There are some really hot guys here and I need my best friend to keep me in line.  That’s you, darlin’.” 

Ari smiled, despite herself.  She resolved to put the matter out of her mind for the time being and join her friend.  What was the worst that could happen?

She was already knocked up, wasn’t she?

*  *  *  *

            A blinding headache greeted Ari the next morning as she stirred in her bed.  She reached out her arm to feel beside her, hoping she would only feel the mattress.  She groaned when her arm landed on the form of another human being. 

            Why today?  She thought.  Ari silently chastised herself for having brought a man home with her.  She did not have the strength to deal with being polite to some guy she met in a bar last night.

            “Umph,” came the muffled reply from under the pillow.  “Knock it off, Ari.”

            Ari heaved a great sigh of relief.  It was only Sarah. 

            When Sarah’s snoring resumed, Ari attempted to go back to sleep and ignore the pounding in her temples.  Even so, she wasn’t a novice at this, and she knew that the only thing that would cease her suffering was a tall glass of water and a couple of pain relievers.

            She rolled out of bed and went to the kitchen.  Thankfully, there were no other people in her apartment.  Many times, she had woken up thinking she was alone and the remnants of a wild party lay just outside her bedroom door.  Today, all was quiet and in its place. 

            The water tasted good to her and she forced herself to gulp down a large glass before placing it in the sink with the other dirty dishes.  In the back of her mind she recalled a promise she had made to herself last week to clean up her apartment.  It needed it, badly. 

            “Do you have any juice, or anything?”

            Ari turned around at the voice of her best friend and couldn’t help but laugh.  Sarah’s blonde hair, which had been in a beautiful ponytail last night had crept up to the top of her head.  Her hair stuck out from the tightly-wound scrunchie in several angles.  Her mascara was smeared down her cheeks and she was yawning. 

            “You’re no thing of beauty yourself this morning, Precious,” Sarah quipped before opening the refrigerator.  She wrinkled her nose in disgust.  “Honestly, Arianna, I don’t know how you live.  There’s hardly anything in here.”

            Ari bristled at the use of her full first name.  “I manage.  Juice is in the freezer.  It’s concentrate.  You’ll have to make some more.”

            The girls busied themselves with getting some semblance of breakfast on the table before they spoke again.

            “No hot guys for us last night, huh?”

            Sarah bit into her toast and shook her head.  “Not with you around, anyway.  I swear, Ari.  You were definitely not the life of any party last night.  What was with you anyway?”

            “I don’t know what you mean.”

            “You don’t, huh?  Well, how about when you were telling anyone and everyone who would listen how you just found out you were pregnant and that meant you were a terrible person?  Do you remember that?”

            She didn’t.  All Ari remembered was sitting at the bar, watching Sarah talk to two guys who had come over to buy them drinks.  Ari had accepted the drink…and a few more after that one.  And then she had found her phone absolutely fascinating until she dropped it on the floor and it shattered.  After that, everything else was a blur.

            “I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” she replied.  “Anyway, what happened with those guys?”

            “When you obviously showed no interest in acting like a decent human being, they left us alone.  We drank a little more and then I got us a cab back here.”

            Ari nodded and sipped some coffee.  “Not a bad night, then.”

            Sarah tried to give her a stern look, and then couldn’t help but laugh.  “Seriously.  I can’t have you going out with me and putting off any guy who comes my way.  Are you going to take care of this problem, or what?”

            “Yes,” Ari responded firmly.  “Today.  I need you to come with me.”

            “Of course you do.”  Sarah sighed. 

            Ari looked up at her, annoyed.  “What does that mean?”

            Sarah shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I just…ugh.  I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t act like that.  I’m your best friend and I’m happy to help you when you need help.  I just…well, I kind of wish that you’d stop getting yourself in these predicaments.  You know?”

            “Yes, I know.”  Ari felt guilty.  It didn’t matter how much all of those “holier-than-thou” people tried to reach her as she walked into the clinic each time she’d gone—those people were hypocritical idiots—no one made her feel guilty like Sarah did; especially when her concerns were genuine.  And this time, Ari could tell, they were.

            “Isn’t there a different kind of birth control you can use?  I know you have a terrible time remembering to take those pills.”

            It was true.  That was a problem.  It wasn’t really birth control if she couldn’t count on herself to use it for it to work.

            “I’ve been thinking about that.  Maybe the shot?”

            “Mmm…I’ve known people who have tried that and they blew up like a balloon.”

            “Well, forget that then.”  Ari thought a moment longer before adding, “I’ll just ask them at the clinic.  I’m sure I’m not the only human being in history who can’t remember to take her pills.”

            “Good idea.”

            They finished their breakfast in silence.  Sarah took their dishes to the sink and, to her credit, she started filling the sink with soapy water and pushed up her sleeves.  “What time do you want to go?”

            “Let me jump in the shower.  I know I won’t feel like showering later, if I even do in a few days.  Do you think you can stay here for a day or two?  Having this procedure done always kicks my butt.”

            “Of course.  You know me.  I’m here to help.”

            Ari smiled at Sarah before leaving her with a sink load of dishes.  She headed into the bathroom to wash off the stink of the night before that she could feel just seeping through her pores. 

            It was time to get ready for her abortion.

Chapter Two

            “What do you mean, there aren’t any openings?”

            “I’m sorry, hun,” the older woman behind the desk said with a shrug.  “There’s nothing I can do today.  If you come back in the morning, I can get you in.  But you have to come first thing.”

            Ari sighed.  “Isn’t there any way I could just wait?  Maybe a spot will open up.  I really need to get this taken care of today.”

            “You might be waiting all day,” the woman replied.  She looked past Ari into the waiting room.  It was so full that people were standing all over the room.  Women in various states of pregnancy were there, along with others who were there for regularly scheduled check-ups.  “And even then, it might be for nothing.  We only have one doctor in the office today.  It makes the schedule rather tight.”

            “Oh, for crying out loud…”  Ari turned around, desperation in her eyes.  She looked at Sarah and threw her hands up in the air.  “They can’t see me today.”

            “What?  Why not?  I thought they were a walk-in clinic.”

            “A walk-in clinic that doesn’t staff enough doctors, apparently.”

            A young girl sitting in a chair nearby looked up at them.  She looked to be about fifteen.  Her skin was a dark shade of brown and she smiled.  “I heard that Dr. Glenn left.  That’s why there’s such a line.  She turned Christian or something and just left.”

            “Figures,” Ari muttered.  She let Sarah take her hand and guide her out the door.  Once outside, Sarah looked at Ari as she put on her sunglasses. 

            “Isn’t there somewhere else we can go?  That can’t be the only clinic in this town.”

            “It’s the only one who does abortions.  Unless we want to go to Littleton.  I know there’s a clinic there.”

            “Gas money, my dear,” Sarah told her.  Ari shook her head. 

            “You know I’m broke until the first.”

            “Yup.”

            The two of them got back in Sarah’s car and started to pull out of the parking lot when a sign from across the street caught Sarah’s eye. 

            “What is that place?”

            Ari looked up.  “That place?  It’s a pregnancy center.”  She looked at Sarah.  “Don’t even think about it.  Keep going, Sarah.”

            “Well…can’t they help us?”

            “They don’t do abortions.  They give you information and education.”  Ari could practically quote the speel by heart.  She had called there a few times asking for help before her previous abortions.  They always were very nice to her, very kind.  They just didn’t offer her the kind of help that she was looking for. 

            “I’ve heard of those places.  They do free stuff, right?  Like, we wouldn’t have to pay.  I’m sure if you explained your case to them they would help you.  Maybe even refer you to an OB who would take care of it for you?”

            The idea wasn’t bad, actually.  Maybe they could refer her to someone.  Chances were, with only one doctor at the clinic, it would be days to weeks before Ari was able to get an appointment.  And besides, if they didn’t like what the people at the pregnancy center had to say, they could just leave.  No one would keep them there against their will.

            “Okay, it’s not a bad idea,” Ari allowed.  “Let’s go.  Maybe we won’t need an appointment.”

            “Atta girl,” Sarah said before she did an illegal U-turn at the next stop light.

            How fortunate that the pregnancy center was right across the street from the clinic?

*  *  *  *

The building itself was beautiful.  It was a brick structure but the inside was new and furnished in a very modern way.  Soft, cream-colored sofas lined the walls when they entered.  A sign directed them to the elevator, which was laid with a rich, red carpet.  When the doors opened on the second floor, the girls stepped out and paused before the door to the pregnancy center.

Pregnancy Care Center of Sylvester.

Once inside, they were greeted by a young girl who sat at a desk.  Ari was struck by the fact that no bullet-proof glass stood between them.  It was just a young girl with bouncy, curly red hair and a bright smile.

“Isn’t it a beautiful day?” the girl asked. 

Ari and Sarah were caught off guard by the question.  It was uncharacteristically warm for a March day in New York.  Even so…this was strange.

“How can I help you, ladies?”

Sarah cleared her throat, the first one recovering enough to speak.  “Hi, um…I’m Sarah.  This is Arianna.  We were wondering if a doctor was here today?”

“Well, usually no.  We are staffed by volunteers and a few staff members.  But today must be your lucky day because we do have a doctor here today.  Our new medical director.”

“Oh…is he available to speak with us?”

The young girl giggled.  “The doctor is a she.  And I believe she is.”  She took down a clip board from a shelf on her desk and handed it to Sarah.  “I’ll need you to fill this out for me.”  She paused and glanced at Ari.  “Do you…do you both need paperwork?”

“Oh,” Sarah quickly handed Ari the clipboard.  “Nope.  Just Ari does, actually.  Thanks.” 

“Sure.”  There was that smile again.  “My name is Natalie.  Have a seat in our waiting room.  I’ll let the doctor know you’re here and you’d like to speak with her.”

Sarah led Ari over to a chair.  They sat down and Ari looked down at the questions on the piece of paper.  To the place’s credit, the form was short.  She started writing and then looked up at Sarah.

“Can we get out of here?”

“You’re not serious.”

“Of course I am.  I don’t feel right.  I feel like I’m going to be sick.”

“You think you’re the first girl to throw up in this place?  Please.  Just dot your I’s and cross your T’s and let’s talk to this doctor.  It’ll be all over before you know it.”

Ari finished the form and brought it back up to Natalie.  She thanked her and said it would only be a few more minutes.  A staff member would be out to get them before the doctor was to join them in the counseling room. 

Ari had only just sat back down in her chair when another door opened and a woman in her mid-40s appeared.  She smiled and Ari felt herself relaxing.  The woman approached and held out a hand to both of the girls. 

“Welcome!” she greeted.  “I’m Hope.  Glad you guys came today.” 

Her easy manner put both girls at ease and they followed her through the door and down the hall to a counseling room.

The room itself was gorgeous.  A mural was painted on one of the walls.  It was a big, beautiful tree.  In fancy writing, which Ari realized was actually very professional-looking calligraphy, a Bible verse was delicately painted.  The furniture was incredibly comfortable and green plants adorned each corner of the room. 

“What a nice room,” Sarah said as she glanced around. 

“Thank you,” replied Hope.  “We had someone do the mural for us.  I did the rest of the decorating myself.”  She smiled.  “I guess I have a thing for making spaces seem more homey.” 

Homey.  That was a good word for how the room felt.  Ari was much more comfortable here than she ever had been in the clinic across the street.  Everything was so sterile and…void of emotion over there. 

Yes.  This was much nicer.  Her nerves began to relax.

“Now,” Hope said, adjusting her glasses and looking down at the clipboard in her lap.  “What can we help you with today?”

“Well,” Sarah began, looking at Ari, who suddenly seemed as though the cat had gotten her tongue.  “We need some abortion information.  You see…my friend…well, she’s my best friend, really…”

Hope looked at Ari without a trace of judgment.  “You’re pregnant?”

“Yes.  I mean, I am pretty sure I am.  I took a test last night and it was positive.”

“Okay.  I have some housekeeping questions I have to ask you, just to get some background information.  Is that okay?”

“Sure.”

They spent the next twenty minutes going over Ari’s medical history and background.  They discussed her living situation, her romantic situation (or lack thereof), and her religious background.  When Hope was satisfied that she knew everything she needed to know, she took her glasses off and placed them on the table before her. 

“Well…moment of truth.  We’ll do another pregnancy test right here.  And then we’ll talk about your options.  Sound good?”

Ari actually smiled.  She really liked this woman and her no-nonsense way of doing things.  “Sounds good to me.  Do you do a blood test, or…?”

“Urine.  The bathroom is right through that door.  We only need a few drops but you can fill ‘er all the way up if you want to.  And then come back here and we’ll do the test together.  Cups are on the back of the toilet.”

“Okay.”  Ari stood up. 

“Oh, Ari?  One more thing.”  Hope looked at Sarah with a mischievous look in her eye and winked.  “Before you come back, make sure you put the lid on the cup really tight.  If you trip and fall, Sarah and I don’t want a shower.”

Sarah burst out in laughter and Ari chuckled as she left the room.

Hope smiled at Sarah and Sarah was sure that she had delivered the same line to countless other women on their way into the bathroom. 

“Thank you so much,” Sarah said after Ari was gone.  “This has been a stressful day, to say the least.  We went to Planned Parenthood before we came here and that place was jam-packed.  This is something that Ari wants to get taken care of right away.  I’m sure you understand that.  And you have been so good, ever since we got here.”

“It’s a pleasure,” Hope said.  “It’s what we’re here for.  I’m glad you guys thought to come here.  I know we can help.”

“I can’t believe this is all free.  Seems like you’d have to charge us something.”

Hope shook her head.  “We’re funded by donors.  Donors who have a heart for women and babies and families.  That’s what makes it free.  And the volunteers that work here are here because they care.  It really makes this place different from other clinics.”

Sarah nodded.  “No doubt.”

The bathroom door opened and Ari emerged with her cup.  Hope instructed her to place it on a paper towel on the glass-topped table and have a seat.  She showed Ari the test and opened the little package for her before placing the small disk on the table.  She gave her the dropper, explained how the test worked and told her to put five drops of urine into the test well.  Once that was done, Hope set a timer for five minutes and they sat back in their seats to wait.

“So,” Hope began.  “Did you guys know that we’re a Christian organization?”

“You are?” Ari was slightly surprised.  She had seen the Bible verse on the wall but Hope seemed completely normal to her.  Christians were wacky people with crazy ideas, weren’t they?  Hope was genuine and funny, even! 

“We are.”  Hope crossed her legs and folded her hands in her lap.  “And that’s one reason why we don’t perform abortions here or do referrals for them.”

“What about under…special circumstances?” Sarah asked.  “Ari has had a few abortions in the past.  Surely carrying a baby wouldn’t be good for her body.”  Sarah looked at Ari.  “When was your last abortion?”

“Umm…”  The exact date was escaping her mind at the moment.  She thought back to what the weather was like at the time and she recalled it being cold with just a little bit of snow on the ground.  She remembered seeing Christmas lights strung around the waiting room of the clinic.  “It was the middle of December, I think.” 

“Right,” Sarah agreed.  “I remember.  And before that…well let’s just say Ari isn’t very good at taking her birth control pills like she should.  We were kind of hoping that you could recommend a doctor to help her?  Or maybe your medical director could help in some way.  Ari really doesn’t want to deal with all of this right now.”  Inwardly, Sarah was preparing herself with arguments regarding Ari’s lack of a job, lack of a boyfriend or husband, her bipolar disorder…anything that would help them present their case.  It just made sense that Ari was a prime candidate for an abortion…as well as a different birth control method that would keep her from getting pregnant in the future. 

Hope nodded her understanding with a look of complete empathy on her face.  She glanced at the pregnancy test on the table and her smile faded somewhat.  “It looks like we don’t need to wait for the timer.  We already have our result.” 

The small disk had a positive reading on it that was as clear as day.  After they all stared at it for a few minutes, Hope looked up at them.  “I’d like to talk with you about your choices, Ari.  And then we can have Dr. Glenn come in and talk with you both.”

Ari wasn’t sure she heard the woman right.  “Dr. Glenn?  The abortion doctor?”

Hope smiled.  “Well, not anymore.  Dr. Glenn is our new medical director.  I’m sure you’ll find her…pleasantly changed.  And probably very happy to see you here today.” 

Ode to Grimace: RIP 10/09-3/12

To make sure no one gets confused, first allow me to say that Grimace is our current, minivan.  Aptly named because it is large and because it is purple.  Please do not confuse this Grimace:

With this Grimace:

Quite a likeness, I know.  But please, stay with me.

Grimace came to be a part of the Colwell family in the fall of 2009.  Craig and I had found out in April of that year that we were going to have a baby.  We knew that if God were to bless us with a baby, He would need to bless us with a minivan as well, if we were going to cart all of the kids around.  We started doing some shopping around and, as always, got my in-laws in on the van shopping as well.  Craig's Dad was always looking for ways to help out his family.  It wasn't hard to get him to keep an eye out for a good deal.  

One evening, Craig's Dad let us know that he had found a decent van within our price range.  It needed a little "fine tuning", so with our permission (and many thanks) Dad bought the van and brought it home to perform the "fine tuning" it so required.  

When I saw Grimace, I immediately fell in love.  Well, as much as you CAN fall in love with a vehicle.  First of all, it was purple (my favorite color).  Second of all, it was MINE.  I hadn't had a car of my own since that unfortunate incident when an insurance lapse caused my precious "Green Monster" to be hurled into an early grave.  But this was my purple minivan.  And I loved it.  It was fall, so it didn't really matter that the air conditioning didn't work.  And the cruise control worked for a little while...at least for the ride home from Windsor.  The horn didn't work, but that was no real concern of mine.  I tended to lay on the horn a little too much anyway.  God could certainly use that to mold me into a more patient driver.  Yes, I loved Grimace.  And I couldn't wait to get him home.  

Caleb was born and Grimace found his true calling:  Shuttling around four children and two adults.  Grimace took us to the grocery store, to church, to Windsor.  All the while, my father-in-law would be shaking his head at us and silently thinking, "I can't believe that van has lasted as long as it has!"  I just smiled at Grimace. For he truly held up his end of the bargain.

As time wore on, Grimace started to show some signs of old age.  When we first got him, he needed a new fill tube.  Of course he needed the occasional brake job, oil change, etc.  But then a strut tower went and we had to get that replaced.  Then the other strut tower.  A belt needed replacing.  I remember one day driving Grimace around for work and breaking down in Corning, only to find out that one of the straps that holds the gas tank in place had come loose.  But Grimace kept me safe until I got him to a service station.  And when we picked him up a few days later, there were no keys in the ignition, yet the radio was on.  Grimace greeted me with a song.  Ahhh...Grimace.  

The rust kept on building and Grimace kept on running.  Finally the rear door's handle rusted so much it's starting to come off:

Honestly, I kept waiting for the day when I'd hear a clanking sound and look in my rear view mirror to see that handle skipping across the highway.  But, no.  It hangs there, by a rust-covered thread.  

In the depths of the season we just had that I would barely call winter, Grimace had some difficulty with getting the transmission to get with the program.  I would back down the driveway and put it in drive only to coast for a few seconds before Grimace realized that I was actually trying to go forward.  It was a snowy day sometime in December when Grimace's driver side window froze up.  I would push the button and the motor, through the door, would groan at me, begging me to stop.  So, I stopped messing with the window, with an understanding that Grimace would make the window go up if he could.  But in his old age, and through the beatings he'd taken as the sole transporter of a six-person family, he just didn't have it in him anymore.  And I was okay with that.  

And so, winter would be cold and summers would be hot, as the air conditioning never did work in Grimace. Yet, I loved him.  He was faithful.  He was dirty.  But he was faithful.

Alas, the time has come.  Grimace must be put to rest.  There is no other choice.  While I was driving Grimace last night, I was saddened to realize that it sounded like something was about to break out from under me.  Craig said from my description, it sounded like the wheel bearings.  All I knew was that it sounded like the end.  It sounded like death.  I told Craig I didn't dare to drive Grimace anymore.  It was too dangerous and even though I knew Grimace was faithful and would cause no harm to me or to the children on purpose...it was getting to the point where that might be beyond his control.  I told Craig that I felt that it was time for us to let Grimace go.  

Maybe it was the fact that Grimace knew that his days were numbered, because we are getting a new van in less than a week.  I don't know.  But I like to believe that he would have liked to keep on providing our family with love and transportation through many more sweaty summers, and many more chilly (albeit short) winters.  I believe he would have...he just can't.

And so, Grimace...I write this blog as a thank you.  Thank you for giving our family the means by which to cart around four unruly (at times) children.  Thank you for giving me a large place to bring home groceries.  Thank you for trips to Windsor and trips to church and trips to everywhere else you got us to safely.  And for the ones where our safety was compromised (like the trip to Harrisburg where we broke down at 1:00am on Rte. 15 near the Turkey Farm outside of Mansfield and Heather had to come and rescue us because your brakes locked up), I always knew you didn't mean it.  You were doing the best you could, under the circumstances.  

Rest In Peace Grimace.  You're going to a better place.  

Amen.

Philippians 4:12

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Philippians 4:12


For those of you who don't know, I quit my job on Tuesday.


It sounds like a pretty drastic step, huh?  To just walk out and never come back. But that is what I did.  If you know me, you know that I have the patience of a saint.  I also don't get provoked easily or insulted easily.  I was both provoked and insulted.  And I have been for the past few months.  I finally had had enough.  I came back from lunch only to find out (yet again) that I was going to be yelled at for something that I had had no control over (yet again).  I made up my mind I was NOT.  And I left.  


It was quite freeing.  I had to pep-talk myself all the way to my vehicle:  "Come on, you're leaving.  You're going to go to your van and drive away and be done with it.  Keep going, keep going..."  Once I got a safe distance away, I made some phone calls ("Hi, Honey.  I just quit.") and got myself together.  My adrenaline was pumping like you wouldn't believe.  I made it home and spent some time relaxing and getting control of my emotions before I went and picked Caleb up from the babysitter's house.  


I've had a few days now to reflect on all that took place and to think about everything that I have gone through for the past year and six months.  


Once Caleb was finished nursing, I felt ready to get back into the working world.  I had been a stay at home mom for quite some time by then and I was beginning to get unsatisfied with my life.  At the time, I thought it was just that I was ready to get back out there and make some money and help my family.  The job I got was for a local Bed and Breakfast (Elmira's Painted Lady) and it was a nice little part-time job for me.  I went there in the mornings, worked for four hours at a computer and then I went and picked up my son and went home.  It was only a temporary job though.  And when it ended, I soon found myself with another temporary job.  Doing the same sort of bookkeeping stuff for a local appliance place.  I worked there for about a month and then as I was wrapping things up with them, I started looking for something else again.  Looking back now, I can hear God saying to me at that point in time: "OK, fine.  If you MUST have a job, go back to work at the Pregnancy Center.  At least it will be in ministry and it will only be four days a week."  Kind of like He was letting me have what I wanted (a job) but keeping me as close to Him as He could.  Then Robin offered me a job and I accepted.  I was so happy there.  I remember feeling like I wasn't at work at all.  I was doing stuff that I loved and working with Christian women and furthering the Kingdom of God and getting a paycheck!  


And then the opportunity came along to work with Dr. Addams.  I was so flattered that she had come to me.  And the WAY she came to me was so nice.  She told me that she had wanted me to come back to work for her for a long time, she liked the work that I did and she wanted me to supervise her office. She offered me a generous pay increase.  Under those circumstances, I allowed myself to get greedy and full of myself.  I prayed of course, but the dollar signs out-weighed any voice from God.  And my mind wasn't being quiet enough to listen to Him.  I accepted the position.  


Only two months after I started working there, Dr. Addams fired the Billing Assistant.  And then the Office Manager quit.  I was left doing the job of two people, with the work that I was hired to do being left by the wayside.  To say I struggled would be putting it mildly.  I was drowning in the amount of work I had to do.  And when I came to the doctor to let her know that it was too much for me, I got some work taken away from me (Oh, leave that for someone else to do.  You focus on this stuff and don't worry about that.) only to be chastised for not doing all of my work the following week.  I won't put you through the sordid details here.  I really don't wish to relive everything I put up with for those few months after the Office Manager left.  But I can tell you one thing, when I woke up on Wednesday morning and I knew I didn't have to go to that place, I felt so renewed and loved, incredibly LOVED by my God.  


Yes, I have learned to be content, regardless of the circumstances.  Regardless of what I'm FEELING.  I don't know what the future has in store for me where work is concerned.  I don't know if I'm going to find another job or even LOOK for another job at this point.  I am content because right now, in this very second, I am exactly where God wants me to be.  I'm doing His Will by raising Caleb myself.  I'm doing His Will by making dinner for my family every night and taking most of the household workload off of my husband, who works hard every day for our family.  I am where God wants me to be.  I'm happy.  I'm fulfilled.  And I will continue to seek after God's Will for my life.  It's only when His Will becomes my will that I will be in complete obedience to Him.  


And THAT is the path I'm on now.